23/07/2024
Exploitation of women in the name of Polygamy as a religious practice.
In reaction to a post where a woman was complaining about her husband wanting to do second marriage with a girl based in lalamusa after being in an online relationship with her for a few months. The lady was heartbroken obviously but as she and her divorced mother and minor siblings are all dependent on her husband, she believes she may have to deal with it. The thing that struck me as hurtful was the comments of guilt trapping in the name of religion and how he can cheat and re marry and still be called as a good father and husband. How women were dictating the feelings of an already sad woman , almost telling her how she should or shouldn't feel about her own husband. Especially the comparison of such a man who exploits his financially dependent wife, to the Holy prophet whose domestic life is an extraordinary example of monogamy, who remained in a monogamous marriage for 26 years of his life to Bibi khadija and only after her death married other azwaaj and that too for purely religious reasons which were part of his mission as a prophet and not as an ordinary human being, compelled me to write this post.
Surah Nisa, in which Allah suggests that if you can't financially aid the orphans (in any other way) then marry amongst their women whom you find suitable for you upto 4. This suggestion came after the newly formed community of muslims were faced with wars and children were orphaned. Even in such catastrophic situation the number was restricted to 4 with the condition of justice. The surah starts with Allah telling us He has created us from one man and woman to show us the ideal system of marriage in Islam which is monogamy.
یٰۤاَیُّہَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوۡا رَبَّکُمُ الَّذِیۡ خَلَقَکُمۡ مِّنۡ نَّفۡسٍ وَّاحِدَۃٍ وَّ خَلَقَ مِنۡہَا زَوۡجَہَا وَ بَثَّ مِنۡہُمَا رِجَالًا کَثِیۡرًا وَّ نِسَآءً
لوگو، اپنے اُس پروردگار سے ڈرو جس نے تمھیں ایک جان سے پیدا کیا اور اُسی کی جنس سے اُس کا جوڑا بنایا [1] اور اِن دونوں سے بہت سے مرد اور عورتیں (دنیا میں) پھیلا دیں.
The unjust comparison of cheating men with the holy prophet who remained strictly monogamous for all his life except the last 9 years after the death of his first wife and for reasons which are only applicable to him as a prophet and were a part of his mission as a last prophet and can't be applied to any ordinary man in normal circumstances. He peace be upon him was even prohibited by Allah to marry any woman of his choice other than the ladies who had suffered the loses of their husbands, had faced migrations from their homelands or had asked for his protection after accepting Islam. All this is mentioned in surah Ahzab.
The argument people give in the favour of Polygamy as an Islamic practice as opposed to a purely social practice is very lame. They ask why the companions too were involved in polygamy? Because it was the social norm in a tribal society where in the absence of technology, all they could have to survive was man power, the more children you have, the more strong your tribe is. Even those who didn't believe in God had many wives so how can that be a purely religious practice when even non Muslims were practicing it as well.
Quran has ordered men to deal with women according to their urf (maroof). Women in arab region felt pride in having a husband who can maintain multiple wives, it was the reflection of the strength of their tribe. This was the urf back then and that is the reason it wasn't necessary to ask for permission for second marriage.
But when you marry a woman whose urf doesn't accept multiple marriages then it will be necessary for you according to the Quran to respect her urf. You can't impose anything on her which isn't acceptable in her social customs as it's her religious right to be dealt with respect to her norms. A man can't even force his wife to cook for him if its not the way the ladies in her house are brought up so how can he impose such a big decision on her without her will. The condition of justice doesn't apply when multiple marriages aren't acceptable in her urf, because the very thought of second marriage will be an injustice to her.
Moreover Quran teaches us to obey the laws of land no matter how much we disagree to them. Because Allah has given the state the powers to decide for its people, ( if the decisions are wrong we can preach to the authorities or protest peacefully but can't rebel) and people are obliged to obey. So if in Pakistan it's necessary to ask for permission for second marriage then doing it without the consent of 1st wife will not only be against law of land but against Quran as well, as Quran orders us to respect the maroof of society as long as it doesn't cross the boundary of haram.
I wish the lady and her family wasn't dependent on him so that she could take action against him. That's why financially stability should be top priority for women before marriage.
