07/03/2021
I am trying very hard to live in the moment. As a planner this is a very difficult challenge. I need to have my life planned ahead. I feel that I need to have my walls up ahead of being around some individuals whom I cannot avoid. I feel that I need to have my defences up prior to the incoming criticism about my actions. But I also feel that my actions are simply that, MY ACTIONS. THEY ARE NO ONE ELSES BUT MY OWN. I try to be respectful of others and help keep my family safe by wearing a mask. I am criticized for it. Told I am living in fear for being cautious. Maybe those are your truths but they are not mine. I shouldn't live in fear of others criticism. I shouldn't have to feel bullied by others who only see the world through their own eyes and cannot show empathy. This selfish, disrespectful country we live in has caused me much anxiety. It has helped me discover who I must cut out of my life, even if it means losing friends, because those individuals were never friends to begin with. A true friend is forgiving and understanding even if they do not hold the same beliefs. I must take a breath, live in the moment and be there for the health, safety, and wellbeing of my family. I must lead by example with what is respectful and right, teaching my child empathy and how to care about others, how to avoid others who will never show that back to her. How to live in the moment, which is so uncertain right now. To be able to make boundaries and say no to unsafe practices and feel good about it. Because we know what we do is for the greater good even if others cannot respect that. Take a breath. My life, my family, my true friends are important. I cannot control or change the beliefs of others, but I can hope that they are able to learn how their actions affect others. It's a long shot. But today I will take a breath, live in the moment and not worry about anyone who cannot see past their own ego. I will not let anyone try to guilt me or make me feel bad about my actions today. I will live in the moment.
