On the next episode (2024)

07/05/2023

Kiherehere kisiwahi kushika uambie a femeo she is being cheated on!!. I repeat,kiherehere chako kisiwahi kutuma uambie a femeo she is being played. This unwritten rule has a little exception to your sisters or femeo cousins. Na ukiona wako na upus pia hao waqwache wajulie mbele mbele.

Now,Hold that thought.....

....★★★......

In Mombasa,matatu crew command more respect than their Nairobi counterparts. Methinks,its because 35% of them are responsible and respectable themselves. The percentage could be higher but not lower.

Out of the 35% that are respectable, 10% really clean after themselves very well. Yaani,wanapiga luku na niwasafi. Ukiongezea cologne za Time gift shop za kupima,anabaki akinukia maziwa.

Speaking of colognes and deodorants, kuna siku nikiwa job ya mat Mombasa,a passenger alisahau a carton in the mat. I kept the carton for a month waiting for the passenger to show up and collect,hakuja.

After a month,I opened the carton to check what was inside,it was full of nivea deos and lotions. And that's how I started using deos. Hata mimi nikaanza kunukia maziwa. Shida za kuapply lotion nyingi Mombasa na usweat,unasweat sabuni.

It's no surprise kupata dame amekula buku(well educated)ameolewa na makanga Mombasa.

The clean 10% enjoyed a cult following ya the ladies. The attention we got from females,ilifanya watu waoge na wascrub nyuso.

My friend, who was in this clean cult,asked me about a girl that was always a permanent passenger in my mat. I promised to hook him up with her juu sijuwa namtaka.

My friend was married with two other baby mamas. So,I thought he just wanted to smash. Nothing wrong with that. Or is there?.

I noticed,if you tell a woman that you just want to be friends,lakini yeye she wants to smash,atakufriend zone for life huku akismashiwa na mwingine tu. They also want to smash or be smashed or woleva. If you don't believe me,go asking random women in town if they wanna go with you mkasmash. Uone haumalizi

05/05/2023

There is a "rubber" shortage in the country. Those of us who haven't quit active politics after we got hitched know this already. This shortage is causing trouble. Hii ni trabuu na inaleta kaproblem.

For all of you that are wondering what the heck I am talking about,allow me to explain it to you,like two year olds. Hamna condoms in this country of ours. Na zile ziko zinauzwa bei ya mbuzi mzima.

Ni wewe ufikirie k**a utanunua mbuzi,au utanunua CD. Halafu upatane na wale madem wa haki nasikia uchungu maliza haraka. Hao madame Mnajijua.

These femeos,either they don't feel you,ama wako na infections. Unasikiaje uchungu na nimebuy CD 3K?. Ko wi na goma?

Well,I am in trouble myself. While you have work husbands and wifeys, I have a dryspell pact with a certain femeo. That,nyege zikiwa nyingi,I will call her and she will be available. No questions. No judgement. And her the same. For the record, she calls me more than I call her.

We also came up with an agreement, Hamna haja ya kulipa room 4k for an hour. Our mechis happen ndani ya gari. Hers or mine. At the parking lot,in the basement of where she works. Hio building iko na giza ajab.

She has just sent me a picture of her s*xy legs. You are wondering what the picture means and why legs. She is wearing a dress or a skirt today. That's what it means. Its a code. Means, there is more where those legs came from.

I will go where she works,park and head straight to her car kisniper. I will find her inside. Ready for or***ms. She is a energy saver this one. She c**s na anakojoa at the sight of me. She claims its me. But its all her. By the time gari inaingia thika road,hata huwa sifiki muthaiga,ashaadai,oooh,dere pole pole nashukia stage next. Nikishuka utalii,anashuka survey. Nikijifanya nimpitishe kidogo,eti tuingie kasarani,atajirusha kwa dirisha ni hasira(raha tupu). Yes,you will need a PhD in nonsense to decipher hio safari yetu.

Nimeangalia bei ya CD,naona Leo i am gonna have to take a rain check. Ama niende tu.

05/05/2023

Twaaaaak Makeeeeeeende this Furahidei morning,

Sometimes we don't actually know what women want? Give them attention without money, you will lose them to those who have money. Give them money without attention, you may lose them to those available for them. Most of us men are so confused whether to resign from our job, leave our businesses and stay with them at home or continue with our hustling. Sometimes when we finish the day hustling, time for romance is affected by the stress of the hustling. Sometimes the Msokolombo can't even rise to the occasion yet someone's daughter is dripping wet down there, so if you manage to screw her unaenda tu melet melet tumchaaa na kutoka because aki you ain't in the mood.

How do we communicate this message to our women please? We are trying to balance it but the economic situation is not allowing it to balance. And being men, we can't cry. And if you dare tell her the real issue, she dumps you or gives her chemususu to another man.

Women, please understand this and bear with us. Sometimes what provokes us at home is a carryover of the stress out here. We will continue to try our best to give you both money and attention but stop blackmailing us when we seem to lean on one than the other. Don't leave us when our concentration goes to one side zaidi, mtuelewe na mtuelemishe na mtukumbushe. At times we even forget that we're married or dating, that's why we end up approaching another woman yet you're in the house, that's how this life makes us forget many things, mpaka hata kukula saa zingine twasahau, even taking a shower at times is hell and tedious that's why men rewind their underwears at times
Guess what, your man could be on pressure drugs na hujui,

So, once in a while, remind us and be like, "Hey..., I'm your wife/girlfriend", or "Hey... the last time you did spend on me is when Moi died", vitu ka hizo, don't just be mad and start cheating on us.
And please pamper us once in a while, give us surprise dates

04/05/2023

Not all Nairobi women will go to hell.

Obviously, the women who walk around clapping clapping jiggling jiggling their thunderous behinds will not make it to heaven. And it's like 99% of Nairobi women.

Porcupines those ones!

You turn left, woman in tight dress, small waist and big behind just pa pa paing along haile selassie avenue recklessly. You turn left, another woman in jeans, just scattering innocent men of God anyhow.

And when you ask them what the secret is,

Bishes be like " imagine ni God na glasses nane za maji everyday"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmh!!! So all the water you drink in this Nairobi settles on your backside causing you to slap slap anyhow? Eh Njeri who are you lying to?

Anyway, allow me deal with you later.

So, my friend who is in the one percent of heaven goers is really concerned about my down stairs situation. I'm still in this 'im done with men and I don't want to be touched by nobody" season.

Recently she told me "siz, what if you collapse and die due to or**sm malnutrition, what will we tell people"

"Siz, what if you wake up and your va**na looks like those alien tunnels za stranger things coz of cobwebs"

"Siz all these anger issues you have, it's your c**t crying for help, and you know in heaven there will be no or***ms just praying and counting gold roads"

Her tedtalks make me suffer by alot 🤣

One time, I'm stepping out of the shower, I'm wiping myself Infront of the mirror, shaking b***y small to confirm if it's still there, she walks past me, takes two steps back, lowers her head with one eye closed, looks up and says " this is not 1952, you are not a freedom fighter, we are shaving that forest".

She makes a few emergency phone calls and and an hour later, I find myself in Ciata City Mall,Kiambu Road. Naked, legs apart and up, hot wax dripping all over my bikini area, another woman inspecting my man made forest like a KWS officer.

Ah! My friends, this woman is applying wax slowly, my heart is racing dudu

03/05/2023

Wanaume wasiyokunywa pombe ni malaya ajabu, ni vitombi sana, they behave like h***y he-goats, same to wale wanacheza piano kwa church and choir member, kwanza wale who speak in tongues like aribabababababashagahala na pia wale hawapendi mpira.
Watakula hiyo Shipoto, dump you then use you as a testimony, unarudi kwetu tunakukula tena tukurudishe kwake!

Ladies, run from such men! They are deadbeats and also malaya!

Sisi wenye tunakunywanga pombe hatuna hata story mingi, huwa we drink with the boys, enjoy the view of Kinyambis ya waitresses then go back home!

If you want a wife or husband material, go to the club, get married then drag them to church. In church utapata malaya tupu and worn out materials, vitu zimetombwa tombwa mpaka imebaki ngozi tu so they go to church just for rescue mission!

30/04/2023

S*X NEEDS TO BE CRAZY FOR IT TO BE SWEET😍😍
S*x is being nasty being crazy, naughty and dirty ,the more dirty the more sweeter,usipeleke ukristo kwa s*x matters u will never enjoy,hutawai pata raha ya s*x🍆🍑,utakua tu unaskia kwa wenzake ,be wild be insane during F**K upate utamu wake ,, mwanaume shika Dem pull her close to u hadi matiti yake iguze kifua chako 😋,,shika yy kiuno teremsha mkono moja kwa matako yake papasa squeeze iyo ass so much finua finua slow s***k 😜,saa iyo tembeza kisess kwake nyonya ulimi yake proper ukipapasa nywele zake vizuri 😘😘,, carry her to bed 😋,mtolee nguo zote abaki na panty papasa mapaja zake drop kwa matiti yake nyonya vizuri cheza na ni***es zake round touch them so much 🤤 pitisha ulimi katikati ya matiti zake hadi kwa kitovu nyonya kitovu hadi apumue kubwa ☺️,,drop mkono moja kwa nunu yake ,, papasa juu juu kisha usongeshe panty kando,,Dara Dara c**t yake mfinger F**K so much hadi aishe nguvu hadi awet kbsa 😍😍,, mtolee panty mpendue alale na tumbo kisha ainue matako juu wuueh iyo kitu vizuri 🍑,,bend down ,,nyonya iyo nunu vizuri lamba proper mfanye atoe sauti tamu tamu zile za oooh beby ni tamu oooooh assssssssh ,,tembeza ulimi kwa iyo kitu vizuri nyonya iyo c**t up and down hadi awet ile mbaya 💦💦,akiwet cheza na iyo wets vizuri na ulimi hadi apagawe, 🤤 atakua anarudisha tu mkono nyuma kukupapasa kichwa juu ya utamu🔥🔥,, ingiza ulimi ndani mf**k na ulimi vizuri make her feel it ,make her confused na romance,,saa iyo mkono iko kwa matako ina papasa iyo Tako ku squeeze na ku s***k 😜, tembeza ulimi kwa mgongo hadi kwa shingo ingiza ulimi kwa skio afeel thithi 😌,,saa iyo mkono iko kwa nunu yake inapapasa proper iyo kitu ukimfinger F**K ile noma ,,walai Dem atachizi,,

29/04/2023

Good morning class,
Remove your notebooks and pens,

A Twaaaaak Makeeeeeeende this Furahidei,

Men,
Normalize banging her and leaving her immediately or atleast don't have any strings attached, that's how some women want but they can't tell you. Sometimes all she wanted was s*x and not a relationship/marriage. Don't waste your time trying to establish a partnership after having penetrated her yet she ain't interested.
Some women just miss to be caressed, some miss to be kissed, I mean that's all they want!

Wanawake pia hutoa lock, women also do a one night stand, they also can do friend with benefits. Women also see a guy and be like, O my goodness I wish I can have even a shot with him. Infact women want this more than we men do, just that they shy away from saying it.
How do you know that she was just after a Msokolombo?
If she doesn't show signs of wanting you to be her husband/boyfriend by not even mentioning on future investments, not talking of pregnancy, not asking you on what's your plan on marriage or if you want a girlfriend, and this happens before she spreads her legs for you. If she just gives in without all these, my friend, that's a woman who wants to be banged, she's a h***y woman, Rosecoco inawasha, inataka kumeza spermatozoa!
Yes, definitely a woman will dump you if you're poor in bed, if you're a one minute man, if you have a small Msokolombo, if you ain't satisfying her but again, a woman can dump you or lose interest as well after getting a shot from you because after all that's what she was after!

Kwa hivyo,
Unless she indicates so, just chew her and go. She's ok with it, that's how she wants it. She doesn't see a boyfriend/husband figure in you, but rather a p***y chewer!
Don't nag her by your love stories, you'll be wasting your time, then end up even killing her eti because she ate your money and ended up with another man. No, you're the one who didn't ready the signs.
A woman knows who she'll get married to, from the first second she mee

On the next episode

07/05/2023

05/05/2023

05/05/2023

04/05/2023

03/05/2023

30/04/2023

29/04/2023

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