Welcome to my story. The journey about my recovery from hemorrhagic stroke and learning to appreciate life again.
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Remember that your life happens in seasons. In certain seasons you can't control certain things or stop them from happening.
The good thing about seasons is that they do eventually change. If it's rough right now for you, just hang in there. It will get better.
Your words can either be poison or they can be the very thing that saves a life. Choose to be on the positive side of the scale. It's not always easy but it's always worth it in the end. Your words can save a life and someone else's words can save yourself as well.
Words can be medicine. Your words may be one of the most healing ones this world may ever see. Harvest the good and the beauty that is still in your life even if things seem dark. You got this!
Today start with your words. Your words of hope. Hope is always good medicine.
ETC - Embrace, Trust, and Change. This is something that has been huge within my recovery.
Stroke recovery is different for everyone. There are physical, mental, and emotional aspects to recovery. These again are different for everyone but they are all important.
However, you must work with your mind and emotions first in my opinion. When I become stronger mentally and emotionally then everything else got easier including my physical well being.
Always work on your mind. Always work on your emotions. Always love yourself. Always work on yourself. Get yourself to the point where you can embrace, trust, and change.
Embrace the Journey.
Trust the process.
Change your prospective.
You can do this. It won't look perfect. It won't feel perfect. However, once you learn this it does make a world of difference. You can make progress. Embrace the steps even if they are baby steps. You got this.
You are beautiful. You are a warrior. You are a fighter. You can do great things. I've seen it myself.
Sometimes you need a little reminder of what feels right to you. Something that fills your soul. Something that feels familiar. Something that just feels right.
Take care of yourself. Take care of your soul. You only get one. One soul, one life, one heart, one brain, and one body. Be smart and nourish it. Physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Trust the process. Trust where God guides you. Trust where God needs you. Trust where God puts you.
If you are struggling right now, remember these two quotes below(yes they're from a movie, lol).
There is always light no matter how dark things may seem.
It is important to fight and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay though never quite eradicated.
You got this. Do not forget this. Let yourself find happiness. Trust the process. Bad times never last forever.
Love you all.
Let's be real for a moment here. Life is not sunshine and rainbows. It is definitely is what most of us shoot for and is an awesome thing or place to get to. However, it is not what occurs in our lives at times. In fact, some of the bravest and happiest souls that I have ever met have come out of some pretty dark places. They have endured and recovered from things I could never imagine ever having to go through.
I have heard countless stories over my life and especially the last few years since my stroke from people who have beaten their darkness and are better than ever. I have also seen people who are still fighting for their breakthrough. I have been through some definite dark times, especially right before and after my stroke. However, they do not compare to others that I have been privileged to hear their stories of both triumph and continued battles.
One thing I learned more than ever after my stroke is that life is not guaranteed. As much as you try to be, you are not superhuman. You have an expiration date. You have a shelf life. Sadly, a lot of people spend most of their life in this depression or darkness. There are lots of reasons that people fall into this black hole and stay there. Sadly, some people end their lives with almost no one to turn to. That in itself is sad and tears me up just to think about that.
So to keep this short I will say this to those of you struggling with the darkness or those teetering back and forth or those ready to give up or those who just truly need a breakthrough.
DO NOT EVER....EVER GIVE UP!
Decisions really do determine destiny in many ways. Your decisions now usually shape other things that happen in your life. If you aren't happy or tired of just feeling content about something, try to fix it. Welcome to my life now. This is my story. 😊
A random moment and a somewhat rare moment. It is what was in this very moment that made me wonder. We don't laugh enough. We don't thank enough. We don't live enough.
We don't smile enough.
We are so concerned that we miss the little moments. The beautiful moments. The flashes of light in this sometimes dark world. People are angry sometimes. So bitter sometimes. So unforgiving.
Don't be that person. Learn to forgive. Learn to live. Learn to live more. Learn to smile more.
Smiling more literally will make you healthier. Make you more relaxed. Make you more thankful.
So remember as we are about to start a new week that although things may be really rough for you right now, there almost always a reason to laugh. Almost always a reason to smile. Even if it's little.
Keep fighting. Keep being strong mighty warrior.
Just because I went through a stroke doesn't mean I can't dream. It doesn't mean I can't yearn. It's didn't mean I can't succeed. I still have dreams as I'm sure many of you have as well.
Do not give up on your dreams. Do not give up on hope. Do not give up on you. You never know when things will finally turn around.
These are the two main types of strokes. They are very different but essentially are both very dangerous.
What kind of stroke did you have? What have you done to try to prevent it from happening again?
Most of us look for the easiest paths in our lives. I get it. We want to try as little as possible even if it means to just get a sliver of what we hope for. I lived this kind of mindset most of my life. We don't want to work if we don't have to but in that process, we sacrifice true long-lasting fulfillment for something that is only temporary and often just momentary.
We live in the moment all the time. Living in the moment is wonderful. It leads to some of the greatest moments of our lives but we have to build upon the moments. Build upon the progress we are making. We all have these moments, whether good or bad, then after the moment is done we are right back where we started at.
For 40 plus years of my life, there was this little voice that always told me I could or would be so much more but I always lived in the moment. Even after my stroke I always lived in the moment. Living in the moment has done well for me overall. I have had some of the best memories a man could ever hope for. The problem was always what's next. Most of the time I just waited for that next awesome moment. It could have been an I love you or a kiss. It could have been a promotion or a heartfelt hug. Often enough I tried to create my own instant moments.
I never really tried to create my future or something to build on. Something more than just a foundation. I thought things would just piece themselves together if I just continued to be a good person and work my butt off in the moment. I never tried to skate by. I just didn't try to secure my future. Part of it was stress or anxiety. I would tremble in fear about failing. I could go on forever here but the point is I looked at the future but never really tried to work outside of the moment I was in for the most part.
So here I am. 41 years old. Married once. Cheated death once, almost twice. I'm divorced. I'm broken at times. I thought I would have a family, a forever, my person, my square, my ohana, my career, my passions, etc.
Thing is that I will never give up.
The funny thing about your journey are the things that you either hear or say to others. Sometimes our biggest downfall revolves around forgetting our own words.
Your words have meaning. Your life has meaning. Laugh, love, live. Make it a focus of your every day life. Recovery and life is a lot more exciting that way.
Sometimes I just need a little reminder of where I came from and where I'm at even now. This last year or so has been very up and down like it has for a lot of us. However, I am so truly blessed to be where I am today. So blessed to actually finally take care of my body. I just need to remember that this is an ongoing project. I have to remember the work will never be done.
I am so very lucky to still live this beautiful thing we call life. My mind has been all over the place in the last few months but pictures like this help to serve as a reminder of where I once was. The old pre-stroke me was hardly ever happy on the inside. The old pre stroke felt hopeless and unwanted.
The post Stroke Me learned to love myself. I learned to be appreciative of little things that I wasn't always appreciative for. I learned more in a few years of my life about myself and I learned in the previous 37 years of my life in many ways.
Don't take life or your journey for granted. Sometimes we will hit certain dips or pitfalls and sometimes our rise will get stagnant. Just remember where you came from and how great you have done. Life is a beautiful journey even if it's not exactly as you envisioned it throughout most of your life.
Live your life with thanks and appreciation. Don't forget where you came from.
Life after stroke, or any other major life event for that matter, is about the battle and the fight that soon follows. It is about finding that inner strength to tell the world I'm not done yet. To find the inner strength to regain your footing on your new lease on life and getting back to a place of happiness. To feel fulfilled once again.
Now, I know what you might be saying.
How can I possibly feel fulfilled again.
I can't walk normally. I can't even walk.
I can't use my one arm. I can't even use my side.
I can't smile normally.
No one is ever going to want me.
These fears are normal especially for what you are going through and where you are. It's okay to have these feelings. These feelings can be used to your advantage in the end. I can say this because I have been in that train of thought. I have been in this mindset.
One of the biggest weapons in gaining happiness back in your life after a stroke, or any other major life tragedy, is altering your perspective. Start looking at the world around you. Gaining a new appreciation for the beauty that surrounds you. That beauty also includes you. You are still here. You have been given another chance. I don't have an answer as to why we were given this second chance but this one thing.
'You have a story that's meant to be told'
You may be at the beginning or the middle or maybe even nearing the end of your story. This story still has a purpose no matter where you are. You might know the true purpose of the story yet but I will give you a hint of what it might be. The purpose of your story is to live. It might not be the way you have envisioned it, but you are still here. You might feel stuck right now but there is always, and I mean always, a chance to get better. You have something to say. It's time to show the world your story.
'Your story might just be someone else's survival guide'
So in the story, work on your perspective. Changing your perspective is so huge.
Life is usually more then just black and white. You never know the battles behind the otherwise calm looking exterior. What's even worse is when we also don't fully understand the battle we are facing.
Wanting your old life back? Feeling like you aren't good enough. Afraid that you are going to fail. Scared that you will fall and not get back up?
These are all normal thoughts to have. These are some of the thoughts we have after a stroke.
The trick is to get past these thoughts and not allow the doubt to creep and fill in. I'm guilty of taking a few steps back from time to time. We are human. We are not super men or Superwomen. Our lives are not infinite. We are finite creatures with a finite existence.
Do you have a goal? Are you afraid that you will fail? Just remember, that you fail a hundred percent of the times that you don't try. So even if you fail 99.75% of the time, you still have succeeded. Not to mention, that .25% might be the biggest step of your life.
You are the most important project you will ever work on. Take the step. Take a chance. Don't give up. You only truly fail if you stop trying.
So here i am. With every new birthday it amazes me that I'm still here. This life is a blessing. I've shared things I never thought I would again. I've loved again. I was able to still be a father to my girls. I can see the sunrise and the sunset.
To put it simply, I can! When you believe you can, it is so empowering. God gave me this to live.
Thank you for all of the birthday wishes. It's amazing all the love I've received. I'm truly one serious lucky person to have you all.
Thank you. I love you all.
#41
Never said I was normal....
No filter. No fake emotions. Just me in the moment. Proud to be alive and proud to help change a life. This is my chance to make a difference. My chance to continue my change of perspective. My chance to continue to control my narrative.
This story of mine may have been quieter than usual over the last few months but there is one thing that I can truly say to you. Don't mistake quiet for giving up or slowing down. It's just the transition to the next part of this amazing story I will get to tell one day, even beyond the one you see now. I love all of you. Thank you for being here for me.
My life=Blessed! Just being able to breathe the air. Seeing the beauty of nature. She the daylight, even when the sun is temporarily hiding. I'm so lucky to experience this world.
At the end of it all God gave me another chance. Another chance to live life. A chance to tell a different story. A reminder that anything is possible as long as I believe and don't give up.
I remember my stroke. I remember thinking that my life was ending. I remember trying to move but couldn't move one side of my body. I remember somehow being able to break a porcelain toilet paper dispenser. I remember getting put on the stretcher. I remember being put in the ambulance. I remember seeing a clock and it all faded away.
Little did I know I would not remember any moment for the next 7 days but once I did God laid the groundwork to my new story and a new battle of survival.
Not only would I find new strength I never knew I had, I also would be the catalyst to change others. I would be a part of someone else's recovery. I would give someone hope. It would take me a while to realize this but here I am.
My story is not over. God has shown me that anything is possible. This is just the beginning.
It's time to put these gloves back on and continue fighting.
You always have more control than you know and can change more than you believe. God has given you a story. He's given you the plot and he's given you what you need to tell the world your story.
Your life is beautiful. Your story is beautiful. You are beautiful.
Live your story. Control your narrative and change your perspective.
It's time to hit the reset button on some avenues of my recovery. Not that I'm doing bad by any means but I've gotten too relaxed at times. It happens to all of us but the key is noticing it before it gets crazy or out of control.
Don't worry as I'm perfectly fine. I'm great and things are awesome on my end. I just have to get back on track. Retrain my brain. Develop new habits and get back to my brain family, the same family that has helped me just as much as some of you say I've helped you over the years.
2020 has been a weird jumanji of a year for all of us. I can only hope and pray for better times in the year ahead. I truly believe that they will be.
I miss people. I miss the random hugs from strangers. I miss hanging out freely with my friends. I miss traveling. I miss humans.
So as 2021 comes to us here in just hours or may be here already (for some of you), let me say something that I've said so many times to many of you.
It's okay to mess up. It's okay to be human. It's okay to not always be okay. However, it's not okay to give up. You deserve more than that. You are the biggest project that you will ever work on.
I miss all of you and I love you guys. This new year is a reboot. Pandemic or not, I'm blessed to be right here. You are all my family.
#2020 #2021
Aphasia is an impairment of language, affecting the production or comprehension of speech and the ability to read or write. Aphasia is always due to injury to the brain-most commonly from a stroke, particularly in older individuals. But brain injuries resulting in aphasia may also arise from head trauma, from brain tumors, or from infections.
Aphasia can be so severe as to make communication with the patient almost impossible, or it can be very mild. It may affect mainly a single aspect of language use, such as the ability to retrieve the names of objects, or the ability to put words together into sentences, or the ability to read. More commonly, however, multiple aspects of communication are impaired, while some channels remain accessible for a limited exchange of information.
How many of you have suffered or still do from Aphasia?
Sometimes we lose people. We cry ourselves to sleep wondering why. I was here more than once. I never realized why certain people disappeared completely.
Over time I learned a thing or two about seasons. God puts you in different seasons of your life. Sometimes different people are there at different times for a reason. People turn into acquaintances or into strangers. Then we lose people that we never thought we would live our lives without. We cry. We fight. We scream. We torture ourselves. We fool ourselves into believing that we are undeserving just because of these 'deletions'.
Here is the funny thing about a deletion. It is usually a good thing. We just choose to look at the negative as to why people disappear from our lives. In some cases, it isn't goodbye forever either. People need to grow. Different paths take us to different places. Different places then bring new and different faces. Sometimes deletion brings the space for a new soul in our lives.
Today, you might be struggling with the disappearing phase. You might be struggling with the reality that someone is no longer there. You might be struggling with the hurt and pain that this person put you through as well. You might be fighting with the thoughts of not feeling worth it or wanting to move on with your life. You might just want to give up on love or friendships. You might tell yourself that you aren't important anymore.
Stop believing the lie that this world feeds you. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You will still find that piece/person/thing/place that completes you. It is out there. In some cases, it is right within you. God has not let you go.
Sometimes deletion is actually for your protection. You may not see it now but you will eventually. This I promise. Until then don't lose focus of the amazing person that you still truly are.
Sometimes I forget about the platform I have. I have the ability to change lives. I have the ability to make someone realize that they are worth it. I have the platform to remind someone that they are enough.
I need to stop forgetting this. I can help others.
So can you. Don't ever forget that.
It's been a very up and down last twelve months. I've been really high and I've been really low. I've been happy and I've been sad. At times I felt lonely and say other times I've felt wanted.
It's been an up and down year, especially the last 6 months. I've seen my life turn around back and forth quite a bit in this time.
If there is one thing that I can say more than anything however, it's that I'm still getting the chance to live this beautiful thing that we call life. Whether the day is good or not so good. Whether the day is up or whether it's down. Whether it's sunny or rainy. I still get to wake up and live this amazing thing we call life.
Tomorrow is my strokeiversary. I'm truly blessed to have survived something that a lot of people don't survive. In fact only 26% of all people who had the type of stroke that I did to get past 5 years. I'm already starting year for as of tomorrow and I'm going to be here a whole lot longer.
Thank you for all of you that reached out to me in the last 3 years. Whether it was a kind word, a simple hug, a short smile, a simple question, or anything that showed that you cared. Thank you.
Sometimes I'm not sure I deserve the blessings that I still get to have but no matter what I'm thankful to God everyday for granting me these very blessings that I don't always feel that I deserve.
I love all of you. Don't forget that every day is a gift, regardless of what we are still battling. Life is beautiful.
Sometimes finding your motivation can get tough. The weight of the day and the world can weigh you down so easily. It's so easy to get lost in the shuffle and lose your motivation that you had.
There's nothing wrong with taking a step back, reassess your surroundings, taking a deep breath, and refocus. Sometimes we have to do this. I know this feeling too well. Thing is in the past I would have just let it be. Now I recognize it even if getting out of this rut gets tough.
I'm human. Emphasis on the word 'human'. I have my kryptonites. I'm not perfect. I never will be. However, I'm proud of who I am today compared to the pre stroke me. I never liked myself back then. I love the growth I have made in the last few years.
This world is too beautiful to let it pass me by. God gave me another chance. God gave me the eyes to see, this mind to envision, this heart to feel, and this body to be the vessel of good to the world.
I just have to remember this more. I am human but this human can still do great things. I have to remember that.
I've been scared to do this for sometime but consider it conquered.
P.S. - I totally did bust by butt once doing this. 🤣🤣
It's brain aneurysm awareness month. Speaking as someone who did suffer a brain aneurysm, I am completely and utterly blessed to have survived the way I did.
How I was even luckier was the fact that I survived the way I did without having surgery done. They wanted to do surgery but couldn't at the time due to the swelling of my brain. I was lucky enough that the rupture closed on its own.
I know that it could have been more serious and I've taken many steps to take control of my health over the last two and a half years.
The one thing I will say from talking to doctors and from my experiences is that if you suffer from migraines or bad headaches a lot, or you have constant real high blood pressure, please get checked to make sure you don't have a ticking time bomb in your brain.
It literally may be the difference between life and death.
Do you still dream? Whether you are 18, 30, 40, 60, or 80, do you still have a hope or dream for something.
Are we afraid of dreaming anymore? Are we afraid of hoping? Of wanting? Of looking ahead? Are we afraid of failing our dreams?
What do your dreams look like now?
Reposting since the sound was messed up on the last one. 👀👀
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Never said I was normal.... #astrokeofchange #stroke #strokewarrior #strokefighter #notsoserious #whysoserious #voices
Do you still dream? Whether you are 18, 30, 40, 60, or 80, do you still have a hope or dream for something. Are we afraid of dreaming anymore? Are we afraid of hoping? Of wanting? Of looking ahead? Are we afraid of failing our dreams? What do your dreams look like now? #astrokeofchange #dream #dreams #dreamagain #love #live #hope #hug #family #hopes #stroke #strokefighter #strokewarrior #recovery
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