20/10/2022
A little about the problem of many modern women. It is called - the "all by itself" syndrome. In many situations, stiffness and self-doubt give rise to this particular vice. Let's try to understand the problem itself and try to get rid of it.
The first reason that provokes this syndrome is the inability to ask. It is uncomfortable for you, it seems that requests strain people, they may look at you “wrongly” or refuse you. Self-doubt and a feeling of inner tightness is to blame. But others are not psychics. And while you are embarrassed to ask, they do not even know that you need help. Everyone is running, in a hurry, there is no time to look around. At this time, you courageously climb into the train with suitcases and two children or try to open the trunk with heavy bags, complaining about the lack of a third hand.
You need to practice asking. If it's hard with strangers, practice on loved ones - let it be requests for help in everyday life for a start. And you will see that the world is much friendlier than you thought. People rarely refuse, and if they refuse, then this is just an excuse to take the next step, learn to accept refusal and not consider it a reason to close again with the courageous banner of “I myself”. Gradually build up momentum and ask for help with more meaningful things.
I ask, but I can't accept
The second problem is that you don't know how to accept help. You can ask, but when they try to help you, you immediately back down: “Oh, no, thanks, I myself, there are only 38 kg.” At the heart of the problem lies the truth hammered into the heads - if you get help, then something is wrong with you. You are no longer small, you should not show weakness, by accepting help, you will become a debtor for a century - these and other arguments distort the meaning of help. It turns out that you must be a superwoman who can do everything in the world. Help is perceived as something shameful.
Do the exercise - write in pen in a notebook a list of why you think it is not normal to accept help. Try to look at it from a different angle and start working point by point, accepting help where previously refused. Track sensations. Make it a rule not to respond immediately to an offer of help, but first count to 10, thinking not about why this is not normal, but whether you need help now or not.
I don't think anyone can do better than me.
The third is the fear that no one can do it better than you. After all, you give all your best, do this or that business for five plus, and if you entrust it, the result will be unpredictable. Surely others will make a mistake and have to redo it, spending twice as much time and other resources trying to fix everything.
It is treated not quickly, but successfully. After voicing the task, ask again if everything is clear, ask questions to make sure of this. If something is not done the way you wanted, gently correct and correct it. The larger the process that you want to delegate, the more detailed and clear the instructions should be. You need to be prepared for the fact that the first time they can do or understand something wrong. Practice, this is the only way you can get rid of the fear “no one will do better than me” and delegate things to others.
