11/07/2024
Beep .... Beep .... BEEEPPPPP. (Shoot. I should have spent more time at the office.)
That is me imagining my last moments. Jack Lemmon once quipped, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard." What I love about this quote is that Lemmon co-starred with Walter Mathau in "Grumpy Old Men." Mathau portrayed Max Goldman, who had a singular view and a particular language to describe it. I am fluent in Grumpyspeak because I am a Grumpy Old Man myself.
Sometimes I hear melodramatic professionals in the elder care community talk about the vulnerability of our "seniors." When I hear this, I always think, "Are you kidding me?! Anytime I have a meeting with anyone over 75 I am lucky to get out alive. I always check my wallet to make sure granny didn't roll me."
In case you couldn't tell, I sometimes use humor, increasingly dry, to break through difficult topics. Yo! Jack! You think comedy is hard while dying is easy? Try comedy about dying.
The thing I don't like about Grumpy Old Men, other than being heralded as THE answer to America's troubles by not one but two major political parties, is that they still command my respect.
I once represented a guy who was navigator in a B-17 that was shot down over France. The crew managed to crash land the plane in a field, and were intercepted by the French underground before the Godless N***s intercepted them. They hid the plane in a nearby cave and worked to repair it each night. Can you imagine the thrill of that sound? The clunk, chug, sputter ..... swish. Then, the roar of American-made, French-assisted engines coming back to life. As the story goes, an early morning flight tower in England searched frantically for the flight plan of a bomber on approach that had departed in June, 1944.
Why am I telling you this? I wish I could remember. I think it is because I got some depressing news. During Covid, when people with assets of all ages died in greater numbers, probate dockets were flooded. Sixty percent of those court cases were intestate. Intestate is the final failing grade you can get. It means you died with a legal pla whatsoever. It is bad because, dude! This is America. Turns out Jack was wrong. Dying comes with paperwork. The intestate not only stumble at the finish line, they heap stress on the loved ones left behind who have to go to court within nine months of your demise.
What is worse than a grumpy old man? A grumpy old man wearing a black robe. Throw some women in that equation until you have nine and you have the Supreme Court, which is so constipated it actually thinks the N***s were onto something when it comes to the power of the President.
What exactly is it? It isn't money. I successfully launched a software app that will be sold to lawyers because it drafts the most complicated legal plans within seconds and effortlessly. I put this same application on the BoomX site and priced the most important legal plans at $270. You could purchase the exact legal plan I charge $7,000 to draft for a client.
It isn't time. The BoomX app is SO simple. It will take you five minutes. Less. the averge time to complete the online form is 4.5 minutes. When you hit the submit button, Voila! You will have a spousal protection plan, financial power of attorney and a full set of health care documents.
The depressing part is that 40% of those who have no legal plan think they are too poor to worry about it. Turns out, America is basically broke.
It our fault. Lawyers. There are nearly 45,000 estate planning lawyers who have charged too much, took too long, and were not available to educate their clients, that 70% of Americans will given up. Astounding.
Before I go re-read Band of Brothers and cry, let me just point out one thing. The intestate are 100% correct, at least about one thing. Estate transfer has zero value - to you. I mean, you will be dead when the expensive legal plan you can't understand is implemented by family members who didn't even know you had a plan.
Ready for legal literacy trivia? It is not as fun as Kim Kardashian trivia but, hey, if you are still reading this, you are like a Grumpy Old Man (regardless of your gender) and what else are we gonna do?
Which makes more sense for a widow in a big, valuable home but suffering from dementia, a reverse mortgage or a Medicaid lien?
Right!
The Medicaid lien by a HUGE margin.
Ok. One more. For the same lady in a big house with dementia, but $200k in a checking account, which is a better use of the funds - investing in an annuity or buying an Audi R8 (the Iron Man car).
Bingo! The R8. Medicaid does not count a personal residence AND an automobile of unlimited value used to transport the Medicaid applicant. That's right. The stupid annuity must be spent down to $2,000 and the R8 not only comes with immediate Medicaid eligility but it is also very cool. She will get to the nursing home faster than anyone.
The point is mathematical. Medicaid reimbursement is absurdly low. This jacks up the private pay price of care for everyone else. Also, Medicaid is funded by tax dollars and our tax system is bracketed. The more you make during your working years, the more tax dollars you kicked in for Medicaid. This means you already paid more for Medicaid during your entire life and when you need it you have to spend what the government didn't take already. The good news is that your do-nothing attitude will make this WAY easier because you will pay way too much for care than you otherwise would in a fair and rational system. No wonder Max Goldman was so grumpy.
Forget estate transfer. It is stupid, Think asset protection. If you are married, there is ONE trust in the Law that protects your spouse's inheritance from all creditors to include the Department of Revenue and Medicaid. Now we are talking. What is so awesome about this trust is that it is authorized by federal law. Next to the Bible and the constitution, that is the highest law in the land. Thankfully, it is SO easy, convenient and inexpensive to implement this solution. It is also moral and financially responsible because it protects the very people who do not have enough to retire in reasonable security.
I am exhausted. I am going to go down the Audi dealership now.
