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Am an entrepreneur, a hairstylist and a cook.đđ
25/06/2023
Trust me i have tried but I've never been able to come to terms with how expensive food and drinks are in hotels or even those high class joints.
That's how fresh into my new 40k job after school, a friend called me like 'Geebee! Big girl! Working class girl. Come buy me drink na' and as a fool that i was, earning 40k that was feeling like 30 billion in the account, I allowed this enemy of progress disguised as friendđ˘đ˘, take me to one 'nice place' as she called it and we were licking goat meat pepper soup with reckless abandon, influenced by our village people, without asking questions. We were just piling up plates as if it was costain under bridge, exchanging stories and laughing untill a still soft akonuche voice whispered to my left ear to ask the price.
'Ma a plate of pepper soup here is N4500'
My spirit man shouted Funke!!
Wait pepper soup oh. Not full goat barbecue ooo. Not point and kill goat ooo. Like my God, i wept.
Once the guy said the price, the goat which i had in my mouth that i was chewing ooh! That was sweet! for because it was so hot, suddenly became bitter. The pepper soup was tasting like tears of sorrow, like spoilt bitter leaf soup. I looked at the plate. Maybe it was a jumbo portion but it was still the normal 4 lumps mama Eliza sells at N500. Mbok nothing. It was even smaller than mama Elizaâs own.
You know when you have overshot what you originally planned your maths skills start becoming dodgy. N5000 times 6 plates. You'll start asking yourself, as you're multiplying, if 2 times 2 is really 4. You'll count the bottles. Use phone even borrow casio calculator from someone and the result is same. Salary spent.
But we should have known. The signs were there
The signs were there. The people who serve at costain under bridge where it is pump price don't wear suit and tie. They don't tell you 'welcome to spend your salary lounge' [i know its not the name of the place. But please leave me. I'm speaking from a place of pain] in a sweet seductive voice. They don't show you what they have with iPad. They dont serve drink and say 'ma will you like some nuts'. Just imagine all the clear signs seen but like fools saying there is no God, we ignored.
Tears were starting to fill my eyes. Pos machine worked like thereâs no tomorrow.
Savings or current? The waiter asked
In my mind, with an epp me kind of look in my eye, i was like savings but broda! save me!
Trust banks naâ
Geebeeâs makeover
24/06/2023
Continuation...
after mumsi had given me one of her classic wahala. My dad and I were both in agreement that I didnât deserve any of it and both said equally. âthis woman sef has wahala. Ahn! Ahn! Her wahala is too muchâ albeit in different ways. But when baba was breaking the father-daughter code and telling mumsi, it seemed he left out his part in calling her wahala woman or she conveniently ignored his part unto love. Three weeks later, I was returning to school and I went to her like âmummy! Iâll soon be going back to school and you know na. Hafa?â
Hafa wat? She replied, as she continued watching TV
âMoney naâ I replied
And the response that came, shocked me.
Mimicking me she said âmon-yi na!. See your head like money. Oh! So you want wahala money from wahala woman abiâ
âermm maâ I stammered.
ânooooo no probleeeem. Mon-yi ba, Iâll give you wahala money, from the the chairlady of wahala association, so you can carry your wahala sef, to your wahala school, do your wahala course and graduate with your wahala head
I stared at my father like baba whyđ¤? How many pieces of meat did you sell me for this time? He just ignored, taken a keener interest on the program showing on TV. And that wasnât the first time popsi had done it.
I
Lord knows I have started having my turn with my Children now. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. I was and have been a good goose. The ganders should also be a good.
African parents especially mothers. We love you.
23/06/2023
African parents can be savages eh; mothers especially. They can turn the most innocent situations around. Simple question youâll ask and the answer youâll get will make you want to take a paper and write âknock me Iâm a baboonâ, paste it on your back and walk around your estate receiving konks from random strangers
Youâll do something to them and think they have forgotten. Never! Charley! Theyâll wait for when youâre at your weakest, when you least suspect and hit you with it so hard that a high pitched Jesus is Lord! will escape from your mouth before you can understand what is happening.
In secondary school, I was respected senior; friendly and loved by both my mates and juniors, and I lived very close to school. Being friendly as I was, meant that people, both friends and acquaintance, found it easy to stop and say even if itâs just hello.
Ordinary hello ba? what wahala can come from hello.
**Laughs and introduces an African mother**
It so happened that three of my juniors decided to stop by my house after I had graduated from secondary school to say what? to say hello. The problem was that for some reason I cannot tell till date, mumsi who always left for work as early as anything decided not to go anywhere that day.
Iâm sure a spirit must have told her âmumsi stay thee this day in thy house for I shall shew thee, signs and wonderâ
and as a good Christian mother she obeyed. If I was at home when the students showed up, when they rang the bell, I would have been the one to open the door and tell them please no vacancy try again next time. But I wasnât. I was on an errand and had even decided to delay a bit there when they came to the house. Imagine my shock when I entered the house and saw three students in the house, watching TV with my mother, gisting and to worsen it, drinking malt.
Ewu atam eagle (or whatever it is they say) nâisi.
Mumsi: blessooo(oh chukwu! My Blesso now had an extra Oo inside. my own has finished) Your good friends came around oh.
Looking at the boys and girls, she said âhope you people are comfortable oh! Enjoy oh! Blesso Blesso! Be a good host eh!â and then went to her room.
She said be a good host but I heard your own has finished nnem.
Omo like my people say, instead of food to waste make belle tear. I knew I was going to get bad mouth sometime later so omo I was a good host. Gisting, cracking jokes to which may visitors laughed loudly, and i even offered one of them extra malt.đ
That night, I waited and nothing. âBlessing!âshe would call me and when I got there, absolutely no mention of the incident earlier in the day. In fact, that night as I ate my soup, I found extra meat. Mba! No! what is going on here? Three Visitors 2 girls and a boy came to see me at home while Iâm still waiting for admission and I get extra meat. One village people voice in my head was like babe invite six visitors she go give you three meat.
Imbeside! Get thee behind me abeg. I retorted.
Omo, day after day, no mention. And just when I thought oh well maybe nothing, Aunty Gold visited. Mumsi, Aunty Gold and I are in the sitting room gisting when aunty Gold asks
âhmm Nne!(her pet name for me) youâre looking very fresh these days oh. Kedu nke nâenmeâ
And before I can answer
Mumsi: Yes na. it is all the Twelve Twelve boys and girls (from 3 to12. Hei jesus)đł he used to bring here to drink my malt. They are her cream.
Aunty Gold: You donât mean it. Friends have started looking for her here.
Mumsi: Everyday Every second Every minute. Forever and ever. Amen?
Aunty Gold: EMEM oh!
Then they continue
Aunty Gold: Deina! Umu boys and girls kwa. What course did you say you want to study in that your University.
Mumsi: Comedy engineering nunu. Hian. Goldie! You need to see her o. the boy di very good. Nâacrackiari jokes. The battalions were just laughing like they are in a comedy show.
Blesso-mouth the sitdown comedian.
And Iâm just there sitting and looking above like father lord when are you coming back to this sinful world. This world is not my home again.They calmed down and I was thinking ok finally the storm is over. Then she sends me to the fridge to get my aunty malt. I open it, searched and searched, and I couldnât find one atom of malt. This would not end well. With my sullen face, I walk back to the parlour like âmummy it is finished
Mumsi: Of course na. it is finished. How wonât it be. Jesus. You have crucified all my malt at the cross of those your friends. Keep it up. Ngwa take (she hands me money) go and buy one carton. If you like when you buy it, go outside, print poster. âdrink your cold malt here!â and bring everybody here.
The worst one is when something happens that only you and your dad are privy to and you think she wonât find out and still be savage. Nigerian fathers are the biggest snitches in the world. When mama serves him one correct Oha soup with several obstacles within it, topping it with a chilled glass of his favorite beer and then lies on his chest later that night picking one or two hairs from his chest, like Samson, with his hair removed, heâll become powerless and will start revealing everything.
Me and my old man were sitting together one day while I was still in the university.. to be continued tomorrow
I am Ogbonneya Blessing Onu
22/06/2023
Good morning world! Pls always be kind to yourself and it will spread to those around you
You are more than you think you are
Stay positive
01/06/2023
The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Happy new month! May God give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed this month. In this month of June, everything you need is already being prepared.â¤ď¸đđź
15/05/2023
Nigerian chef, Hilda Baci breaks Guinness World Record for âlongest cooking timeâ
14/05/2023
Go girlđŞ
>. Every meal cooked and every plate served is recorded. She has cooked over 115 meals so far with almost 3,000 portions if not more by the time you are reading this.
>. She started the cooking on Thursday and is expected to complete the target time frame by Monday 15th May, 2023 evening.
13. The current holder of the title Hilda seeks to break is an Indian chef Lata Tandon, who set a Guinness World Record for cooking for 87 hours and 45 minutes non-stop in 2019.
14. To break the record, Hilda Baci is attempting to cook for 96 hours, using extra 9 hours to break the world record as the first human on earth to spend such an amount of time cooking a marathon.
Follow my page Geebeeâs Makeover
14/05/2023
This is not the Grammy awards , not a secular event. This is apostle joshua selman & doing ministry!! In the largest indoor auditorium in the uk đŹđ§ LOUD THIS WIN FOR THE KINGDOM!!!
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