09/07/2022
Could Oconee be the next site for some mysterious guidestones to appear?
As everyone has heard by now, the Georgia Guidestones were damaged by an early morning explosion and then completely demolished this week. While this story is still unfolding and being investigated from all levels of government from the local law enforcement to the FBI, our crack team of reporters have discovered a link to the destruction of the guidestones to our very own county government. It seems the Oconee County Development Alliance, along with the Oconee Sewer Joint Region Initiative and Blazer Construction, LLC (owned by Mr. Davis Cain of the council) are tied to the demise of the guidestones. In a leaked memo to the various members of the organizations above, Robert C**t of the OSJRI outlined a plan to finalize the sewer expansion in Southern Oconee and bring prosperity to the area that has seemingly been forgotten by county council. By destroying the guidestones and building a similar monument in the now defunct golden corner commerce park, C**t feels that the curious and the skeptical would likely visit the site since they no longer can visit the Georgia site. He feels that the attraction could possibly rekindle interest in the area and maybe find a buyer willing to pay the $10,000 an acre asking price for the parcel. C**t proposed using recycled materials from the recent renovations of the local Dollar Generals to keep costs to a minimum and keep those materials out of the landfill. He further stated that the county rock quarry could supply adequate stone mock ups with help from the engineers at the nuclear power plant and probably a couple of the engineering faculty from Clemson. He went on to suggest that the vandals who damaged Howard’s rock at the university would be ideal candidates to carry out the mission in Elberton, since they had real world experience in damaging notable pieces of stone under cover of darkness. We contacted Mr. C**t, who agreed to speak with us off the record about the secret project. Our editors all had their fingers crossed when the deal was made, so here we are printing this story. C**t said he’d like to place a time capsule at the monument, much like the one in Elbert. He said that this has been in the works for the golden corner commerce park after the rumored solar farm didn’t materialize, and he’s glad to see it finally coming into fruition. We asked about the contents of the time capsule, and he gave us a list. It includes a plug of to***co once chewed by Danny Ford, a rock from Burrell’s Ford, a half used jar of moonshine made by Louis Redmond in Walhalla, a cvs receipt from each of the stores in Oconee, a scoop of contaminated mud from lake Hartwell, a vial of water from the cooling pool at Oconee Nuclear, a pillow from the Walhalla Motel, a pickled egg from Durham’s Store in Fair Play, a can of potted meat from the Country Junction, a hot dog from Pat’s Cash and Carry, handcuffs worn by Doyle Cannon, a crack pipe from Westminster, and a banjo string from the movie Deliverance.
C**t anticipates to get started soon on phase 2 of the plan, now that phase 1 is complete in Georgia.
Joanna Whitmire reporting for SONIC News
