12/03/2022
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26/02/2022
Jimi Scruffles crushes it with another original tune! Please like, comment and subscribe.
02/10/2021
10-21-2021 - Joe Biden unveiled a reimagined version of the popular children's rhyme, Patty Cake, to the press. "Kamala and I have been been rehearsing this little ditty ever since we were elected! If it weren't for those darn hand gestures, I would have this thing down pat! Biden mentioned they were also working on a new version of Jack Spratt.
16/09/2021
In this episode of Blog & Mablog, Pastor Doug Wilson discusses the upcoming Maricopa County Audit results and why we should not take the bait.Enjoying this v...
16/09/2021
Grab your Dental Detox Kit at https://dentaldetoxbox.com/jpCheck Out My Merch Here - https://awakenwithjp.comTake a stand against censorship. Join my Awakene...
05/04/2021
Fauci Helps Create N95 Diapers
Washington DC- Dr. Anthony Fauci, in conjunction with Pampers manufacturer Proctor and Gamble, created the new Covid 19 fighting diapers aptly named Stampers.
“After the Chinese government used their Covid 19 a**l testing swabs on our diplomatic envoy in China, the idea for Stampers became self evident” said Fauci in a recent interview. “If Covid 19 can be spread simply by a human being breathing, then it makes sense that it can also be spread by flatulence as well. I mean this is an existential threat to our civilization right now! If you can smell your own flatulence thru your underwear and your pants, than in theory you could be spreading Covid 19 every time you pass gas in public."
Stampers is a disposable diaper that utilizes 2 layers of N95 material to prevent the Covid 19 laden flatulence from infecting others. “We combined the goal of stamping out Covid 19 with the venerable name of Pampers to create the name of our product "Stampers” Fauci proudly exclaimed.
When asked about the effectiveness of the product, Fauci asked a very important question, “I just farted, can you smell it?”
Stampers will be sold anywhere and everywhere regular baby and adult diapers are sold.
28/11/2020
Biden’s Body Bubble
Joe Biden was spotted emerging from his basement much like how a rare endangered animal walks into a forest clearing. To say the least, the potential president elect did not disappoint with his latest announcement.
“I know that it has been several weeks since I unveiled my N95 butterfly net and my pet friendly N95 masks, but today I am excited to announce the future of human safety! This product is on the market just in time for the holidays, and I call it The Biden Body Bubble! The fact of the matter is, the Coronavirus is outsmarting masks, plexiglass barriers and our best and brightest scientists. You may be asking, what is a Biden Body Bubble? I’m glad you asked! laughed Mr. Biden. The Biden Body Bubble is a full sized bubble that you can jump into and be very confident that you will be safe from Covid or any other bacterium or virus that comes down the pike! My wife Jill asked me how the American people are going to handle restroom breaks. That was a great question darling, but I am one step ahead of you! The Biden Body Bubble comes with a 7 day supply of diapers based upon the age of the bubble occupant! I figured since the American people are already used to wearing a diaper on their face, they can get used to, well you know the thing! Cmon Man, this is a no brainer!”
30/09/2020
Biden will expand mask mandate to pets
Wilmington Delaware- In yet another aggressive policy idea, Joe Biden announced that if elected president, he will extend his national masking mandate to the American people’s pets . “When you think about it, our pets have lungs, so in essence, our pets could very well be prolonging the Covid 19 pandemic.” said former Vice President Joe Biden. “I am in talks with 3M right now and they are designing a whole line of masks that can fit dogs, cats, gerbils, ferrets ,guinea pigs and also many popular reptiles.” We are excited to potentially produce more high paying jobs in America and at the same time save the lives of human beings and our beloved pets as well.”
Biden was holding and petting his pet Guinea Pig Scooter who happened to be fitted with one of 3M’s prototype mask designs. “I’m protecting Scooter and Scooter is protecting me!” said Mr. Biden as he nearly broke down in tears.
“Scooters life has meaning!” he screamed as he slammed his basement door.
22/08/2020
8-22-2020
Joe Biden invents N95 Butterfly Net
Wilmington Delaware- Democratic Presidential Nominee Joe Biden was released from his basement bunker and was seen running, jumping, prancing, and frolicking around his front yard with what looked like a butterfly net. When asked by a neighbor what he was up to, Biden yelled, “I’m capturing the Coronavirus and I will destroy it! Before we can get this economy rolling again, we need to control the virus and destroy the virus!” He then continued prancing and frolicking around his yard, swinging his net wildly about, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings. “Joe kept screaming and hollering like he just caught something.” said his neighbor. It looked like he was having a great time.”
When called regarding Mr. Biden’s antics, campaign manager Greg Shultz chuckled, “Joe Biden is not only a fantastic politician and the next president of these United States, but he is also an avid inventor. He has created the first butterfly net utilizing N95 mask technology. This is a fantastic way for the American People to get out of the house with the family, catch beautiful butterflies, and also help destroy the Coronavirus.”
The N95 butterfly net kit comes with the net handle, 10 N95 nets, and a small incinerator to destroy the infected nets after each use.
19/08/2020
8-19-2020
Kamala Harris begins search for home with basement
Washington DC- Vice Presidential nominee Kamala Harris and her husband Douglas Emhoff, decided to begin the search for a new home. “I think Joe Biden is paving the way for the politics of the future by holing up in his basement.” said Kamala in a recent New York Times exclusive with intrepid reporter Steven Steffonson. “Why put yourself out there just to become fodder for the news media? Douglas and I are excited to find a new home with an expansive basement and set up our headquarters!”
Kamala’s husband and possible second husband is excited about the prospects of a new basement bunker. “I have always wanted a man cave, but Kamala would never let me have one. I would also love to have a special place for my teddy bear and binky collection”
01/08/2020
08-01-2020
Washington Redskins renamed The Washington Lying Scumbags
Washington DC - As public pressure continued to mount upon the ownership of the Washington Redskins, a choice had to be made. “We know that the public is demanding a name change, so we decided upon an interim name of The Washington Football Team.” explained team owner Daniel Snyder. “Surprisingly, when polled, most people did not want to change the name because it was racist, but because the image of a noble human being, created in the image of God, who happened to be a strong opponent, no longer represented the culture of Washington. “We polled our fans and it came down to two names, The Washington Deep State, or The Washington Lying Scumbags. The voting was unanimous, The Washington Lying Scumbags is our new name” In a rare case of political unanimity, both Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell decried the new name together on the Senate floor. House majority leader Nancy Pelosi and minority leader Kevin McCarthy joined forces to promote a jersey burning ceremony in front of the Washington Monument. “We will not tolerate this violation of our perceived public image!” they cried in unison. The mascot and the artwork for the new uniform is still up for debate.
27/06/2020
06-27-2020
Flatulent cows to disperse occupiers in Chop
Seattle WA - Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan and Washington Governor Jay Inslee recently got together in a zoom meeting, along with concerned Seattle constituents, attempting to find a peaceful resolution to the Chop situation. “We cannot use the police because of inherent law enforcement bias in the dept. and social workers are feeling threatened by the violent attitudes of the Chop inhabitants; We need a peaceful, yet effective solution to this problem. We need to restore order to Seattle” said Mayor Durkan. Samuel Jenson, a concerned citizen of Seattle, put forth the flatulent cow idea.” We know how opposed the progressive leaning occupiers of Seattle are to the toxic gasses routinely expressed by the cow and also how they regard the life of a cow over that of a human being. We can chase them out with the noxious fumes and not have to worry about them harming the innocent cows!” said Samuel. “Additionally, can also feed the cattle an extremely high fiber diet to accentuate the effects of the flatulence.“
“This may seem like a far fetched solution to some, but I think it just might work!’ said Gov Inslee. “ I fully realize that cow farts are an existential threat to the planet, but be encouraged, this is a temporary solution.”
When asked to comment on the situation, self appointed cattle flatulence expert Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (aka AOC) replied, “I think this idea stinks and smells of a capitulation to the evil forces of capitalism. I could be silent on this situation, but that would be deadly.”
26/06/2020
6-25-2020
Murder Hornets will stage comeback
Set aback by Covid 19 fears, protesting, rioting and now a giant Saharan sand cloud, the Murder Hornets had reason to pause. “At one point there was such a great opportunity to strike fear into the hearts of the Americans, but now there is way too much going on!” said Melvin Fredericks, a spokesman for the giant hornets. “As soon as there is a viable vaccine available for that pesky virus, we will start planning our comeback!”
18/06/2020
6-21-2020
Biden ready to release new scratch and sniff memoir.
On a recent virtual pow-wow with his supporters, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden announced the exciting news regarding his new book titled, Sniffing: A Joe Biden Memoir.
“I am so excited about my new book! said Biden in a recent interview with New York Times Reporter Norville Swenson. “This book is a fantastic opportunity for the American people to get inside my head and learn how I have prepared myself to run the country. The book is also filled with scratch and sniff pages laden with Biden’s favorite sniffs. “ Cotton candy, baby powder and Skittles are my top picks! The book will be available October 2020.
16/06/2020
6-15-2020
Gila Monster diagnosed with Covid 19
Wilbur Davis, a local Arizona Herpetologist, discovered the Covid infected Gila Monster on a recent hike thru the beautiful Superstition Mountains. ”A Gila Monster is a rare find and I was so excited to see him!” said Wilbur. After observing the Gila Monster's behavior for several minutes he determined the monster was suffering with Covid 19. “After watching non stop media coverage regarding Covid 19, I was able to surmise that the reptile was exhibiting classic symptoms of the infection. I’m not sure how he would have been exposed to the virus out here in the middle of no where!” exclaimed Wilbur. “Social distancing was certainly not a factor in this case” Wilbur carefully placed the lizard in his day bag, secured an N95 face mask over his powerful venomous mouth and transported the monster to the nearest Covid 19 testing site for further evaluation.
15/06/2020
15/06/2020
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