Daily Echo Fact Posting

24/11/2020

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2801730093384231&id=2327408427483069

How fu***ng long was that doctor's finger?

21/09/2020

Police say offender "Must have had some balls to attempt this."

12/09/2020

Local residents stunned by the fact that trees are both harder than cars and affected by gravity.

Owners of the destroyed cars are said to be pining for them.

03/09/2020

BREAKING NEWS: Christmas in Bournemouth Square is cancelled following the tragic passing of Santa Claus. Our thoughts and prayers are with Ms Claus, and it has been confirmed that the cause of death was Covid-19.

28/08/2020

Billionaire Bill Gates is at it again! 'BCP council have sold off all off the beaches to Microsoft', a local homeless person on acid told Daily Echo FactPosting. We always use reliable sources here for our news, so of course that's good enough for us!
(Picture Bill Gates of Microsoft)

28/08/2020

GRADES: A-level results student still a disappointment to his family.

Covid-19 restrictions led to most A-Level students exam results being pushed down a grade due to moderation based on generalisations. The government then, of course, flip-flopped their policy and decided that the predicted grades would be honoured. This changed a lot of peoples grades - even Edmond Sneeble, 17, from Moordown.

Speaking exclusively to Daily Echo Factposting, Edmond tells us his story.

“I was never a great student, my grades were due to be four C grades. When they sent my grades to the moderators, on results day I picked up two D grades and 2 E grades. I sat thinking, I know - I’ll go to AUB with those grades! Easy! And then after the turnaround and we got them changed again, I got my 4 C grades. With them grades I was ecstatic! I was gonna get into Bournemouth Uni!”

His joy was not long lived however, as he explains “the thing is, I know I’m a waster, so I’ll do my sports management degree and then take a job in my daddy’s accounting firm for £40,000 straight out of uni no matter where I study.”

Some were not as happy however, as Mrs & Mr Sneeble reached out to us: “he thinks this is a great thing, when he’s still the family disappointment. Nobody wants him over for christmas because he’ll just do shots and vomit on the table like always - we spent thousands putting him through private education and for what? We should have got him adopted. But now he’s moving out, we can finally have a happy life with our real son - Bingo the golden labrador.”

When looking into this further, we discovered in a street-poll that only 13% of those questioned in Bournemouth could spell the word spoon.

28/08/2020

EXCLUSIVE: Man charged with fraud in local Bournemouth ghost hotel.

A man has been charged with fraud and embezzlement after being caught in the non-existent bar Gruffalo on Goobend Road. The crimes were committed in the vicinity in 2019, which we are very certain about, and we can confirm the vicinity was demolished two years prior to the crime. In these exclusive Echo photos you can see the local Bournemouth man in his ghost form standing outside the ghost bar with all of his ghost money. A local resident, Rupert Alfonso Grimsby III, also a ghost, told us he saw the crime in action;

“The man came running out with hoards of cash, only I could see it because I’m a ghost so I see ghost money. Nobody can see the building but I can, it’s a ghost hotel now, the ghosts dear the ghosts…”

The charged man, who has now become a ghost, will be sent to HMP House-Of-Lies and is due to be transported to the prison in the Ectomobile, following covid-19 procedures.

28/08/2020

Extinction rebellion flood the streets of Bristol to protest against the Spicy Italian at Subway being 'a tad too spicy.'

28/08/2020

Amazing photos from Bournemouth in the 1900's.
Bournemouth was originally founded by John Cena in 1850 and shortly after became a beach resort that was popular for horses and Bassett Hounds alike.