Hold Your Horses: Idioms for Idiots

24/09/2024

“Which wire could it be?” you wonder as the red numbers on the clock continue to disappear. Sweat pours down your forehead and into your eyes while you try to diffuse the 50 megaton explosive planted at the base of the satellite just about to launch. Hoping to avoid World War 3, you grip the pliers with a strength and precision unknown to mankind. It comes down to two wires, red and blue. As you confidently reach for the blue wire to severe its dastardly sinews, your phone chimes with a message. You’ve got to check, could be important. And indeed it is! A new episode of Hold Your Horses just dropped. You smile, thinking “Those boys are at it again.” And with that, you snip the blue wire, the numbers freeze, and the bomb is disarmed. Just another day at the office.

18/09/2024

19/08/2024

“And so, you want to put the utter in between your thumb and forefinger,” the stoic farmer explained to the young boy standing next to him. Staring at the dirt, the boy was quiet. “Joash!” the farmer barked as he looked up at the boy. “Are you paying attention? I won’t always be here to show you how to do everything, that’s why I’m showing you now!” Joash patted the large cow in front of them on the rump as he readjusted to get a clear view of the dangling utters. “Yessir, I’m watching,” he muttered. “Good, now, as I was saying—” Just as the farmer was going to demonstrate again, the cow let out a huge moo and began faltering. Before the farmer could see what was happening, the cow fell in his direction and pinned him to the ground. “Great leaping leprechauns! Joash! I’m stuck, I can’t move. I can’t breathe! Go get help!” Joash sprang into action. “Yessir! I’ll be back in a jiffy,” he sang as he bolted out of sight. “Wha-? When are you coming back? I need help now!”

13/05/2024

Sometimes, when I sit in solitude, sweet memories of my grandmother shower my weary mind. What a woman she was. Kind and knowing, fierce and faithful. She did have one annoying habit though, can you guess what it was? Suckin’ and slurpin’ her eggs without so much as a straw or spoon in sight! You outta be ashamed of yourself, granny, behavin’ like that! One could make the argument that if your idiom knowledge isn’t up to s***f, you’re as impolite as granny is sippin’ on those yolks! Don’t be uncouth and uncultured. Be sophisticated and suave. Debonaire with slicked-back hair! It’s an all new episode of Hold Your Horses!

08/05/2024

Don’t let the title throw you off, cuz we’re throwing everything at you in this doozy of an episode! Hats, words, video; all of it. So whether you’re commuting, computing, road trippin’ or skinny dippin’, get ready to throw your hat into the ring and join us on another idiotic adventure through idiomland. Yours truly- The Three Horsemen. Let’s Ride!

22/04/2024

Pass me the gravy and call me a cooked goose! We’ve got a savory and salivating helping for you hungry hippopotamuses. The horsemen deliver a dollop of dishes and desserts that will both tickle the funny bone and fill the tummy. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, our idiom has everything to do with the delectable delights the English language has to offer. An invariable smorgasbord of cakes and puddings, steaks and casseroles, goulash and ganache, tiramisu and au jus! Achoo! Bless you! Tissue? Get ready to lather on the laughs because it’s an all new serving of Hold Your Horses! Giddy-up, buttercup!

01/04/2024

We’ve all had those days. You’re late for an interview and as you’re running on the sidewalk, so is a massive mastiff who decides to relieve itself in the exact spot that you step. Not only are you late, but you have to scrape off the f***l matter that has now affixed itself to the bottom of your shoe. If you do not take care of this, your potential employers will either wonder why you only own one shoe on OR why they are interviewing someone who ushers in the pungent smell of a dog park. Your best bet is to clean that shoe and FAST. The shoe is clean and now you’re in the room. Handshakes and smiles, you need to make an impression in order to make up for being late. Instead of ignoring it, you confront it head-on and explain to the panel of high-level executives what exactly transpired on that sidewalk. You launch into a tirade of unaccompanied animals and how it’s a public disgrace that dogs are allowed to roam wherever and treat the city like their own personal toilet. They’re all nodding. The bearded one releases a small chuckle. To seal the deal and as a matter of personal revenge, you add that the offending dog was a mastiff. Suddenly, the room turns cold and all smiles are gone. The suits look over at their colleague who seems to be personally wounded by your words. Turns out, his lineage is from a long line of esteemed breeders who even bred dogs for President Theodore Roosevelt. Their breed of speciality? You guessed it— mastiff. The assistant quickly whisks you away and you’re back on the street. With all prospects gone and an empty refrigerator back at your apartment, it’s hard to feel like you haven’t totally lost your marbles. “Isn’t that an idiom?” You think. Grabbing your phone and headphones, you tap to your podcast platform of choice and see that your favorite show, Hold Your Horses: Idioms for Idiots just released a new episode. You pull your collar tighter and smile. Things are looking up already.

14/02/2024

Extra extra! Read all about it! A new Hold Your Horses episode just dropped! So head on over to your favorite podcast streaming service and get a load of this one! It’s a real doozy. But never fear, the fearless horsemen will deliver another delicious dollop of idiom idiocy as they weave and wander without sail or rudder through a sea of mostly mindless madness and ill fated attempts at glory. And in the drop of a hat the ride will come to a sudden and much needed end. So step on up and step on in and give this one a spin.

05/02/2024

What does it mean to be free? What does it mean to be Scot? And who is Scott? Is he great or is he not? Does he even matter? Find out in this episode of Hold Your Horses as we discuss the fascinating origin of the idiom ‘scot-free.’ We put a lot of thinking into this one (probably too much), so sit back, take off your thinking cap and let your brain get off scot-free as we navigate the murky waters of this idiom for you.

29/01/2024

“Get yer hands out of yer pockets, Jethro, and fetch me another nail,” screamed old Hans as he swung his rusted hammer. Cussin’ under his breath, Jethro reached into the bag and grabbed a handful. “Don’t toss ‘em, hand ‘em to me,” Hans screeched before any fell in the dirt. Quite forcefully, Jethro shoved the nails into Hans’ open palm. “Ow, my hand,” Hans yelled. “Some handyman you are.” Hans muttered as he wrapped his bleeding hand in his handkerchief. Jethro eyed the hammer and reached for it. As Hans tended to his wound, he noticed a shadow settle over him. It was Jethro, hammer in hand and raised high in the air. Hans threw his hands up. “Now Jethro, I didn’t mean it, we can handle this. You’re a fine handyman. Don’t let your anger get the upper hand!” (“Would you like AI to help you with your episode description?” No thanks, I’ll take it from here.)

23/01/2024

Warm your toes by a fire and tune in to hear the latest episode from your favorite, intrepid language wranglers. We’re taking an icy dive into the frigid waters of feelings with our idiom “cold feet.” This idiom reminds me of the time I served as a juror. When the verdict had been met and sentencing was about to be read, the defendant didn’t show. Judge said the ankle monitor went dark and the jury was released early. I don’t blame the guy, must’ve gotten cold feet. It’s hard to face the music when you’re thigh-high in a quagmire of your own making. Guess you could say we’ll all face the music one day, let’s hope it’s at least a pretty song.