The Silent Why Podcast

25/06/2025

🎙️ NEW EPISODE OUT🎙️
💔 Where Does the Love Go When Someone Dies?
Can you still be in love if it’s no longer returned?
Does love fade… or does it just change?

https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7e3a678c/lets-chat-where-does-the-love-go-when-someone-dies-with-david-kelly

In this week’s Let’s Chat episode, I chat to David Kelly from Hertfordshire.

David reached out to me with an answer to a question Chris and I had raised during our Chatty Christmas Catch Up episode. Where does the love go when someone dies?

And because David is able to share from both professional insight and personal heartbreak (after losing his wife, Beverly, to cancer), I decided to invite him onto the podcast to talk about it in more detail.

Together, we explored what happens to love after loss, which grief models have help David along the way, how it works when you love someone new while still loving who you lost, and is it possible to love two people fully?

This honest conversation is for anyone navigating the messy space between love, grief, and healing. 💬💞

For more information on the grief models David talks about, see the links in the podcast show notes.

15/06/2025

...And for those who are just plain childless and struggling today - we wish you lots of chocolate (or another treat of your choice)! 😉🍫🍰🍺

It's Father's Day today in the UK. A frustrating celebration that often just provokes sadness for many.

Back on Mother’s Day, we shared Amy Young’s beautiful piece “The Wide Continuum of Mothering” - and it struck us that so much of it applies to men too. So we’ve brought it back today, with a few edits.

Of course, no words or list will capture the full weight of joy or pain these days can bring. In fact, we’d go so far as to say that Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are painful for everyone at some point in life. And remembering that, even when we’re able to celebrate, can be a gentle nudge toward keeping gratitude alive.

So, if today feels hard - whether you're male or female, parent or not - this post is for you.

Because you’re not alone. ❤️

As a childless couple, one thing that’s helped us over the years is the simple concept of gratitude.

Focusing solely on our losses can be so damaging (even though there is a time for that too).

So today, maybe take a quiet moment to ask:

👉 What do I have that someone else might be wishing for right now?

And if what you need most today is just to be reminded that someone sees you - well, we can help with that too.

We do see you, and your pain and you’re not alone. Ever. ❤️

And hey, if you need a little blue ball of comfort, we make grief companions. Maybe today’s a good day to treat yourself to a Herman. 💙😉 — www.thehermancompany.com

💗

11/06/2025

️🎧 NEW EPISODE OUT NOW 🎙️
[🔗https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7ca19921/loss-63101-loss-through-chronic-illness-and-lupus-olivia-abousaid]

💔 Not all grief comes from death. Sometimes, it begins with a diagnosis.

In this episode, we explore Loss #63 of 101: Loss through chronic illness.

Meet Olivia Abousaid - a grief coach in LA living with Lupus, an autoimmune disease that changed everything.

The grief of living with a chronic illness is often invisible from the outside, but on the inside, it’s a daily, personal battle that often goes unspoken.

In this episode, we explore:
🌀 The unseen grief of chronic illness
💬 Letting go of independence
🌿 Navigating identity shifts
😞 The weight of “shoulds”
🌤️ Finding hope amidst fatigue

We think this is an episode that will resonate with anyone who's known the losses that can come with ill health or a medical diagnosis, especially one that instantly changes your day-to-day or your future.

🎙️ Listen now on your favourite podcast app.
🌐 More about Olivia: www.pact-coaching.com (or visit the podcast show notes)

29/05/2025

Last night, Chris Sandys and I finished watching on Netflix. We were drawn to it because it featured one of our comedic favourites - Steve Carell. It was a nice, easy watch with great acting, and tackled some of my favourite areas of the human experience.

As many of you know, whenever I come across a powerful moment about grief on screen, I like to share it - and this one really hit home.

The series follows three adult couples navigating love, loss, marriage, and divorce. And in Episode 8, there’s a scene that made me instantly rewind to share it.

Colman Domingo plays Danny, who’s grieving the sudden death of a close friend. His partner Claude tries to offer comfort, telling him he dreamt their friend had become a butterfly -
still with them, transformed into something beautiful.

But Danny responded with such raw honesty that it brought tears to my eyes:

“A horrible thing happened to our friend, and it was random and meaningless, so stop trying to make meaning out of it. I don't want to hear 'No, it's ok, he's not really gone,' because he is. He's not a butterfly, he's dead. And it's not beautiful or part of a greater plan. It's just sad. So let me just feel sad.”

This scene felt so real. After all the conversations we've had on the podcast about grief, one thing is clear: while some people find meaning in loss, others just need space to feel sad. To cry. To sit with the sadness and sob.

So if you're there right now, or know someone who is, let the feelings come. Don’t rush past them. Don’t try to fix them. Yes, finding meaning in a death can be beautiful, and might even be something you cherish for the rest of your life, but that doesn't have to be appreciated straight away.

Some things are just awful, and sometimes, it’s okay to just feel sad.

27/05/2025

🎙️ NEW EPISODE OUT NOW 🎧
💍 This week Chris Sandys and I have been married 20 years 😱.

So, what have we learned?

https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/7dfc1169/chris-and-claires-top-takeaways-from-20-years-of-marriage

If you're familiar with the podcast, it's probably no surprise to you that we decided to record this conversation - so you can join us! 😀 Maybe we're a little mad, maybe we're massively oversharing, but it's too late now - it's out there!

The day before our anniversary, instead of just a quiet dinner (ok, we did that too 😄), we sat down with our microphones and recorded a conversation about what we’ve learned over the past two decades together.

Both of us, independently, wrote down 5 things we think have been key to keeping our marriage healthy - and we didn’t share them until we hit record 🎙️

Did they align? Were there surprises? Was it awkward?! What on earth is an 'usie/ussy'?
You’ll have to listen to find out 😅

And if you’re curious about more of our story, especially around infertility and childlessness, you can also check out Loss 3 where we have a similar conversation but looking back on our childless journey 💛.

Yup, there's very little we're not prepared to put on a podcast! 😆

23/05/2025

20/05/2025

Such a privilege to speak at this symposium - if you missed it, check out this post for how to watch it...

In case you missed the 2025 Virtual Family Support Symposium, the powerful presentation from hosts of The Silent Why podcast Claire and Chris Sandys is now available for watch. The Sandys’ presentation explored the many different forms of grief, offered strategies for how to cope with it, and considered where hope might be found in the midst of loss. Watch the full presentation on our YouTube channel : https://youtu.be/WokkEZi7_QM?si=u9kY9_od4mDu8a4F (link in bio) and stay tuned on our story throughout this week for clips from the Sandys’ presentation.

13/05/2025

🎙️ NEW EPISODE OUT NOW 🎙️
https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/791fc106/blog-my-why-how-to-build-mental-muscles-when-youre-feeling-weak

Yes, I’m finally back with my first My Why blog (and podcast version!) in a few months… and I’ve got something powerful to share.

The last few years have taken me on a mental health journey I never expected. I used to think I’d never struggle with my mental health - even writing that feels strange. But the truth is, I did.

💪 And through it, I discovered you can build mental muscles, not just physical ones.
And the best part? You can start anytime, even if you feel totally overwhelmed or worn out.

In this episode, I’m sharing some practical tools I’ve taught myself to help strengthen my mind through tough times.

Think of it as a mental workout - exercises to help retain your sanity, and relationships, when life feels heavy.

If you’re aware that you’re not always your best self - snapping at loved ones, stuck in negative thought spirals, or simply struggling to cope with your own mind - this episode is for you.
(And if you’re supporting someone who’s feeling that way, it might help you too.)

Whether you’re feeling hormonal, confused, frustrated, low, or griefy (yes, that's definitely a word now) - I hope this gives you tips to feel a little more clarity, calm, and control. 🧠✨

I had no guidebook or help for this, but I did have a desperate need to figure it out. And those muscles are so much stronger now. I’m grateful for that growth, and I’m ready to share what helped in case it helps someone else too.

📝 And if you'd prefer to read it, the full blog is here:
🔗 [Link in bio or https://www.thesilentwhy.com/post/how-to-build-mental-muscles-when-you-re-feeling-weak]

29/04/2025

🎙️ NEW EPISODE OUT NOW 🎧

This one’s personal for me (Claire, your host). It’s a loss I’ve lived through (am still living through! 🙈) - and I’ve been waiting for the right guest to help explore it. And I found her. 💛

Get ready to dive into the world of menopause with the brilliant Diane Danzebrink - advocate, educator, and author of Making Menopause Matter.

Menopause isn't just a physical change.
It's identity. Confidence. Mental health.
And yes, grief.

After cancer-related surgery, Diane was thrown into surgical menopause, triggering a wave of unexpected emotional, mental, and physical loss.

This heartfelt conversation explores the invisible losses that so often go unspoken, and Diane’s powerful mission to bring awareness, education, and real support to the forefront.

It’s raw, honest, and full of the hope we’re always searching for.

And we all owe so much of what Diane is doing in this area to a little dog named Henry. 😉

🎧 Listen now: https://www.thesilentwhy.com/podcast/episode/81927643/loss-62101-loss-through-menopause-diane-danzebrink

📖 Learn more about Diane: www.dianedanzebrink.com or www.menopausesupport.co.uk [visit the podcast show notes for more links] or Menopause Support

A special shoutout to Together in Surgical Menopause (https://www.surgicalmenopause.co.uk) - an amazing online support group that’s helped me on my own journey. 💕

19/04/2025

Christmas can be a really tough time of year for a lot of people. Chris and I have talked about that countless times on the podcast, and we always check in with an episode to see how we’re doing. But at Easter? We don’t do that.

Why?

Because Easter already speaks to where we’re at. It's not all joy and chocolate eggs, like the world would like you to believe. At its core, Easter is about grief, loss, and hope - in that order.

Good Friday is the grief. It’s about death, suffering, and watching everything fall apart.

Saturday is the loss. It’s the quiet, uncertain middle. The waiting. The confusion. The pain of “What now?”

Easter Sunday is the hope. It’s the light breaking through. It’s resurrection. It’s joy returning, even after the darkest days.

The world has littered Easter with bunnies and chocolate (just like it’s done with presents and food at Christmas), but beneath all that is a deeply human story - one that many of us really need.

That’s why I write posts like this, instead of recording a podcast check-in. That's why Chris and I ran a local gathering at church yesterday to just connect with the pain of Good Friday. Because Easter meets us where we are - whether we’re sitting in the pain of Friday, the silence of Saturday, or the hope of Sunday.

And today is Saturday.
The in-between day.
After the heartbreak, but before the breakthrough.

It’s a day of waiting. A day of questions, doubt, sadness, longing, stillness. But also, maybe, a day where we quietly start to believe again - that joy might come, that the story isn’t over, that hope still has a heartbeat.

So if you're feeling a little lost today, know this: you’re not alone.
The Saturday between grief and hope is sacred ground.
And it’s okay to be in it.

[photo from our trip to Israel in 2015, at the Garden Tomb in Jerusalem]