07/02/2022
Spiritual abuse on top of s*xual abuse makes me sick. Thankful for all the people who find the strength and resilience to tell their story.
Read all 8 parts of this here at Thriving Forward
When I was 18 years old I spent 10 days in Chicago at the Headquarters of my childhood cult: The Institute in Basic Life Principles (yes, the same infamous cult the Duggar family belongs to). Though my visit was less than two weeks long, it forever changed the course of my life.
Four years later I joined a lawsuit against the cult leader, Bill Gothard, along with 18 fellow plaintiffs, all claiming various allegations of abuse and misconduct.
When I first joined the suit I was asked to share my story in full. Since writing always came easier then speaking for me, I decided to write out my entire cult experience. I penned the piece as an open letter to Bill Gothard. I had hoped to one day read it as a victim impact statement in court, but that opportunity sadly never came.
Bill Gothard has read the letter. I was required to turn it over as part of the lawsuit discovery process.
But while Bill has read it, the rest of the world has not.
Until now.
For the very first time I will be sharing this document publicly. It was written when I was just 23 years old — before I had begun my formal deconstruction of patriarchal, fundamentalist Christianity. I have made a few grammatical corrections and have edited a few phrases for my legal protection, but otherwise the document remains unedited.
It is my hope that by speaking out this way I will be able to further bring darkness into light and the truth may be known.
~ Emily Elizabeth Anderson, Jane Doe III
My Open Letter to Bill Gothard: A true Story of Innocence, Brokenness, and Redemption
**Originally written July 2016**
PART ONE:
INTRODUCTION
Exactly four years ago a sudden burst of courage enabled me to share this story. However, almost immediately afterwards, I was manipulated back into silence by my abuser through fear and guilt.
Today, I break that chain. I will no longer be silenced.
As God is my witness the following account is completely true and accurate.
This is my story.
OUR FIRST MEETING
Thirteen.
I was just thirteen years old when we first met. I was young, innocent, and naïve. My mother had just started homeschooling me the year before and we had enrolled in your Advanced Training Institute, aka, ATI.
It was the spring of 2006 at the Total Health Conference. I had just been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease a few months prior and we were hoping to learn some natural ways to help my body heal.
We met that first time in one of the hallways. You stopped me as we passed each other and asked me point blank what I wanted to do with my life. I was quite star struck.
Here I was, two feet in front of the man behind the Wisdom Booklet homeschool materials I had studied every morning and Basic Seminar conferences I’d attended many times. I couldn’t figure out why you were talking to me. It didn’t quite seem real.
In response to your question, I told you that I wanted to train horses for a living.
We parted ways without saying much more and I smiled with excitement as I walked away. I told my mother right away that you had stopped me in the hallway and talked to me. She was as excited and star struck as I had been.
In our eyes, meeting Bill Gothard in person was the equivalent of meeting the president of the United States. In fact, even more so, because you were such a high spiritual authority; you had always been referred to in our family as “The Modern Day Apostle Paul”.
That night at dinner my mother and I were told by some staff members that we were to sit at your table that night. The table was quite long and seated around 16 people. As one by one everyone was seated, I noticed two things. First, you had not arrived yet. Second, there was only one seat left at the table – the one directly across from me.
After several minutes had passed, you finally arrived and promptly sat down in the empty seat across from me. Your eyes locked onto mine. Your gaze held me like a pin to a butterfly. I felt myself flutter, but couldn’t move.
You immediately started sharing with the group how we’d met earlier that day and that you were quite impressed with my spirit and countenance. You flattered me with lavish complements and kept asking everyone “isn’t she amazing?” as I blushed uncontrollably.
I was overwhelmed. I felt flushed. It was all so new to me. Someone actually thought I was special. I felt cherished by someone other than my mother for the first time. You didn’t know it at the time, but I’ve never received that sort of love from my father or any male in my life. I was so starved for male affection that I lapped your attention right up.
However, even though I didn’t realize it at the time, you immediately started your pattern of control and trying to change me. You began to share with the group my expressed desire to train horses for a living.
“We need to turn Emily’s desire into training men, not horses,” you said.
I was then startled by your following proposition.
“How old are you, Emily?” you asked
“Thirteen,” I replied.
You explained that you had a program called the Great Expeditions Team. The team was stationed at Headquarters in Chicago, IL but frequently took mission trips to various countries all over the world. You would be joining us for most of the trips and I would be doing a great bit of traveling with you. The age limit was 14. You then asked if I would consider leaving home and permanently joining the team as soon as I turned 14 in nine months.
I think my mother was just as stunned as I. “What about school?” we were both thinking. We didn’t have to bring up the topic of school, however, because there was an even more concerning issue.
“Crohn’s disease and third world countries don’t exactly mix well,” my mother said. “We’ll have to see how her health is at the time.”
You seemed quite confident that I’d be healed of my Crohn’s if I practiced the principles we’d learned that week at the conference, and so, you were satisfied that I would indeed be joining the GE team that fall. My mother and I decided to leave it at that, and address the issue of a 14 year old quitting school and moving away from home, later.
After dinner you brought me to your personal assistant (also a young girl) and told her to get my information and stay in contact with me.
“Don’t let this one go,” I remember you sternly saying to the assistant, as you pointed a reprimanding finger toward her.
Interestingly enough, she never did follow up with me. I wonder now if the dear girl was trying to spare me from what I now see and consider as a life of slavery.
Over the next several months I thought of your proposal frequently. It became a source of tension between me and my mother, a consequence I’m sure you intended.
After all, I was entering my teens. While I was usually quite complacent, and an obedient rule-follower, I did go through some typical teenage bouts of challenging boundaries. Whenever my mother and I got in an argument, she would be quick to use your fondness for me as an attack.
“If Bill Gothard really knew what you were like, he’d never ask for you to work for him.”
Her words stung like fire, and I resented her for it. My heart was already turning toward you and against her.
Read Part Two Here: https://www.facebook.com/100063497325684/posts/355822996544275/?d=n
