Story Time (May 16): Childhood trauma of being left alone
Story Time (May 16): Childhood trauma of being left alone
Did you know?
I have a deep-seated trauma regarding abandonment.
When we were young,
it was just me and my siblings.
Our parents would come home very late...
The rain was falling heavily...
It was so, so cold
that it chilled me to the bone.
The thunder was so powerful
that it made the walls of our house shake...
The worst part was the feeling
that I was alone,
the feeling of utter vulnerability,
the feeling of being so scared
with no place to run...
And all I could do was try to convince myself
that it was all just a dream...
I had to suppress my racing heart...
This continued for years...
until I lost touch with reality
and couldn't distinguish what was real and what was not...
That's why I can't shower alone,
because the coldness brings back all the trauma...
That's why I'm always filled with fear
whenever someone has to leave suddenly
without giving me time to prepare...
There was also a time
when someone had an argument and he came home.
I was in our room,
overwhelmed with fear,
worried that things might spiral out of control...
I forced myself to sleep,
despite my heart pounding so hard
that it physically hurt...
but I had to shut down my heart and my mind...
Forcing myself to sleep...
Poor heart, I was literally forcing it to stop...
My hands were trembling,
but I kept telling myself,
sleep, sleep, sleep!!!
I was trying to shut myself down
because of the fear,
because I was so, so scared.
Too many thoughts were racing through my head,
too many bad memories resurfacing...
I fell asleep from exhaustion...
Poor heart.
Poor soul...
I was, and still am, truly terrified
of being left behind...
all alone,
helpless,
cold,
isolated...
"It's So Cold, So So Cold"
Dear, past self: thank you. Dear, future self, don't worry. I will make sure I will live each day without regrets. I may stumble but I will get up and continue #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
Pag-decide nga today, you will do things nga makapalipay nimo, arun dili ka magmahay #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning #happiness #decidetobehappy #motivational
Mao diay ni Katong wala koy mga katabi sauna: ballpen ug papel ang kaistorya hehe #throwback #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
"Dili ko gusto mahimong PABIGAT maong wala ko ming-share" #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
dili nato ipahibalo ang problema tungod kay dili ta ganahan magproblema sila mabug-atan sila SAYOP mao ni dapat...
dili nato ipahibalo
ang problema
tungod kay
dili ta ganahan
magproblema sila
mabug-atan sila
SAYOP
mao ni dapat...
Ayaw ug ayaw jud pasagdahi imung self Kay mao nay rason #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
Ngano man? Ngano man kailangan pa masakitan? #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
Ngano man? Ngano man kailangan pa masakitan? #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
It's only when we learn to love ourselves that we truly learn how to love others #selflove #friendship #relationship
It's only when we learn to love ourselves that we truly learn how to love others #selflove #friendship #relationship
Sa sige nato ug pangita ug care, love, attention , time , sharing sa ubang tawo , nalimtan nato to love ourselves. Love yourself #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
Sa sige nato ug pangita ug care, love, attention , time , sharing sa ubang tawo , nalimtan nato to love ourselves. Love yourself #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
Wala nay nas nindot pa, kanang i-treat ka nga from the heart, dili tungod kay napugos or no other choice #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
GRABEH. DILI LALIM MAG-BREAKDOWN Now, I understand...
Kung naa kay fear, naay nagbalik-balik sa imung mind, bothered ka, try to express it, share it, sa mga tawong concern, sa mga tawong makasaligan, sa mga professional. If may help you understand the fear And it may help you offload the heaviness
Kung naa kay fear, naay nagbalik-balik sa imung mind, bothered ka,
try to express it, share it,
sa mga tawong concern, sa mga tawong makasaligan, sa mga professional.
Kay by expressing it, it helps you understand the fear, the anxiety,
and it may even help you offload the heaviness sa heart and mind,
and might help you from acting strangely
Hope it helps
#kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational
Lisod biya pero kung gusto nato malimtan ang mga tawo para dili na nati masakitan atong self ug sila kay stop stalking, stop back reading convo, stop knowing their whereabouts. Lisod pero kailangan
Importante jud kaayu ang ma-excite kay mao nay magpush nato.
Pero ayaw pagbuhat ug mga sala, mga bati na butang para lang ma excite ta.
Kay makaguba na nato ug sa uban.
Ug dili na mudugay.
And in the end, kita ray luoy ug luhaan.
Dili pud malipay ang Ginoo.
Gansi jud sa tanang gansi
#kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational #goodmorning
Wala pasabot nga wala naka-share nato ang atong suod, dili nata importante. Sometimes, we need space to grow.
Wala ko kabalo unsay imung gipagdaanan karon. And I know lisod jud na siya. Pero, naa koy challenge nimu: please stand back again and start moving forward #kuyalynnell #bisayavlog #bisayamotivational For full videos, visit https://www.tiktok.com/@kuyalynnell
Ang life diay dili rana siya about sa destination.
Buot pasabot, inig madawatan nimu ang usa ka butang,
mag-expect ka nga malipay ka...
Yes, you will be happy, but for a while, it will fade,
and you will feel empty kung mao rana imung basihanan sa happiness...
So, dapat diay i-enjoy pud nimu ang journey, dili lang kay ang destination
Apil na sa journey ang mga detours, mga hardship
During palang sa process, sa pagturn sa katong mga gusto nimu makab-ot, makuha nato, into reality, i-enjoy pud diay nato ang process...
So, let's help one another, tinabangay ta, supportahay ta sa isa't isa, para makab-ot ang atong mga dreams and goals and turn into reality
Because it's the journey that makes the destination sweeter.
Mao nang inig madawatan na nimu, mas malipayon ka, mas fulfilling, mas satisfied ka...
Why? Because life is not just about the destination, it's also about the journey.
Lisod siya pero kailangan dawaton
Usa sa pinakasakit o siguro pinakalisod nga parte sa life
is kanang ma-experience nimu nga
ang usa ka butang, pag dili imuha, dili jud para imuha
ang usa ka tawo, pagdili para imuha, dili jud para imuha
and actually lisod gyud na siya ui
kana bitawng grabeh na inyong plano sa future nga mao inyuhang buhaton together
dayon pagkahuman, tanang mga promises ug uban pa
Pero, pwede pa lagi noh muhangyo, makiluoy, ana ba
Pero dili man gud ing-ana ang life
kailangan gyud, lisod siya pero kailangan siya dawaton
lisod siya pero kailangan jud dawaton...
lisod siya pero kailangan dawaton...
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kuyalynnell/video/7159972029502885146
Try again some other time
If I say, "wala ko gikapoy," "wala ko nasakitan," then I would be a liar.
But that doesn't mean nga mu-give-up ko, mu-stop ko.
Rather, it's an indication nga mu-rest and try again some other time, balik napud.
Because, I believe, better days are coming up, especially for those nga wala ning-give-up.