Global Chimp Events

08/08/2023

15/12/2022

The five chimps escaped at around lunchtime on Wednesday from their enclosure at Furuvik Zoo, which is part of an amusement park near Gavle, around 100 miles north of Stockholm.

05/08/2022

A fright to airline passengers out of Iceland today with an extremely high chance of chimp events, looks like things are warming up.

05/08/2022

We have had reports the sinkhole that opened up near the town Tierra Amarilla, Chile 2 days ago was caused by probable chimp activity in the area. Tread carefully.

04/08/2022

63% chance of a chimp event in Perth, Australia today. Remaining indoors is advisable.

20/07/2022

There is a 34% chance of a random chimp event in England today. Stay cool.

07/11/2021

Spin. Inspirational.

15/10/2021

Monkey? In space?

09/04/2021

RIP fallen soldier 🙁

SYDNEY ZOO VISITORS TOLD TO STAY IN CARS AFTER FALSE REPORTS OF AN APE ON THE LOOSE
There has been chaos at Sydney Zoo this morning following reports of an ape on the loose. Visitors were locked inside buildings or told to stay in their cars amid the confusion.

Sydney Zoo has since issued a statement saying reports of an escaped animal were incorrect, and that popular chimpanzee Mogli has, in fact, been found dead in his habitat this morning.

"We are currently investigating the circumstances and once more information is known we will make a further statement," the zoo said.
“The team are in a state of deep shock and grief."

05/11/2020

Spread

24/09/2020

Hello this is Chimp-1-1

What is your emergency?

21/09/2020

When asked what his favourite animal was.

Craig simply responded with this.

Absolutely inspiring

21/09/2020

"OOOoooo AAaaHh"

A message from the Chimp UN.
This is truely a wonderful moment for human chimp relations.

19/09/2020

Terrible news to day as a friend of ours passed away early this morning.

His battle with chimp super aids, was fought hard.

Keep apeing buddy ❤

18/09/2020

THIS JUST IN!!!

Chimps sighted in Mumbai, India.
Reports suggest street defecation is involved

More to come.

29/06/2020

Thieving Chimp Event 😤

24/06/2020

Chimp Event!

19/06/2020

Justice has been served

A booze-addicted monkey has been locked up after going on a violent rampage in India.

The monkey, known as Kalua, was owned by an occultist who plied his primate with hard liquor on a daily basis. When the owner passed away, Kalua was forced to go cold turkey, making him very angry. He left his home in Mirzapur, Uttar Pradesh, in a frenzy, biting 250 people. The simian mainly targeted women and girls, and left dozens of children needing plastic surgery after he bit their faces. One victim later died.

Eventually, the six-year-old monkey was captured and taken to Kanpur Zoo. Zoologists found Kalua was an alcoholic that refused to eat vegetables. The lack of bananas and monkey nuts in his diet may have contributed to his anger problem. Kalua attacked female zookeepers and other monkeys that were put in his cage. It was decided that he would have to remain locked up at the zoo for the rest of his days.

14/06/2020

Chimp Event. Emergency Services are on the scene. Please avoid the area!

11/06/2020

To the people of Puerto Rico and Cuba

Please maintain vigilance when out on the open water as a small section of chimps, believed to have broken out of a Guatemalan zoo, have taken up arms and set sail. They call themselves the "Chimps of the Caribbean" and are showing extreme aggression to any vessels in their waters.

Be safe, Be smart, avoid water activities where possable.

10/06/2020

HOT OFF THE PRESS!

Chimp events begin to spike in New Zealand as restrictions from Chimp-19 have been lifted. Stay safe everyone!

08/06/2020

Just got a report of a chimp named Big Daddy and his harem of 42 women.

While some people my be out raged by this development we are happy to support this arrangement as Big Daddy is providing each of these women with a stable household and a lavish lifestyle.
We believe he is able to support these women as he holds large amounts of shares in an arab petroleum company.

More as the story develops.

06/06/2020

This just in from central America

A chimp ripped the dentures out of and older gentleman named Corey Stuart then began to p**s on the man,the chimp then crushed a Coors light. this is a travesty and we send our hearts out the the man and his family

06/06/2020

"Bro chimps are hectic ayy.
Like man they are wild bro, kinda cool but sketchy as bro. Kinda scare me bro"

Excerpt from an interview from a man in New Zealand after a chimp event. This is from a frightened individual and we urge you to acknowledge that this was a an incident was out of the norm and out of character for this particular chimp.

05/06/2020

Chimp spotted in Norway. Watch out.

04/06/2020

Chimp Exploitation

03/06/2020

This is a common symptom of Chimp-19! Be careful out there.

01/06/2020

We got a lot of messages during our down time.
One that sticks out is a message we received from several people saying;

"Big Mummy Milky Chimp gf, gimme Big Milky Mummy Chimp Gf"

And while we appreciate the enthusiasm, i believe it is necessary to remind all of you followers that while Big mummy milky chimp gf may be enticing, we do not post locations of such chimps as it may threaten the fragile peace that we have created between us

We thank you for your cooperation as we strive to inform the world about chimp related events and inspire peace between us

31/05/2020

BE ON THE LOOK OUT! A monkey was spotted in Tewksbury yesterday morning near our hospital. If you see this animal call the Tewksbury Police immediately! DO NOT touch the monkey!! Monkey's can be dangerous and can carry Herpes B Virus which can be fatal to humans!!!

31/05/2020

Sorry for the lack of posting loyalists. The government cut our fundings due to Chimp-19 but we are back. They can not silence us. We will keep the community safe from chimp events. Please report any sightings to the GCE.

29/05/2020

One of the primates was reportedly later spotted up in a tree, chewing one of the sample collection kits.

30/03/2020

BREAKING NEWS

Gerald the Chimp has died. Video footage captures Gerald's last moments.

*We warn you this may be disturbing to some viewers*

25/03/2020

A Chimp Chimp loyalist has been captured after breaking into the Wuhan Institute of Virology. Authorities believe he was searching for the Chimp-19 cure inside when he triggered a silent alarm leading to his arrest. We here at the GCE think there was a larger game at play and advise citizens who live near any sort of Viral Research Facility to be extra vigilant in the coming 48 hours...

23/03/2020

The B.O.C.E are working EXTREMELY hard to find a cure for CHIMP-19!

22/03/2020

We are currently monitoring a potential chimp event in Brazil. Do not be alarmed if you see an increase in B.O.C.E presence in the streets.

22/03/2020

CHIMP ON STILTS CHIMP EVENT!

20/03/2020

18/03/2020

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?

A chimp known to the B.O.C.E as Rudolph Chimpler has been seen spreading propaganda in the form of posters around Austria and Germany trying to rally support for his campaign. We ask that if anyone has seen this chimp or knows any information on his cause to report it to the B.O.C.E straight away. We can not afford to let this chimp's political ideologies gain support!

16/03/2020

The Chimp responsible for the act of "terror" in Pisa, Italy has named himself only as "Henry."

Henry has admitted that this was just an "in the moment action" and that he "saw an opportunity to climb and swing and took it." He also added that he did not have the intention of terror and he is very sorry for bending the foundations of the centuries old building.

We have placed Henry into the "Chimps gone wild" rehabilitation program to educate and help Henry through this difficult time and we hope Henry comes out a changed man.

15/03/2020

Today Nicaragua has a 33% chance of a random chimp event. Please assemble emergency evacuation kits and be ready to evacuate if required. Stay safe.