Times of Lusaka

17/11/2023

When my girl visits me:

Baby pika sima, niza designer ma veg. Everything is in the kitchen.

17/11/2023

Pension yaba wiso eyapwa, Patson wakulekafye.

10/11/2023

Ubunga bwaba ZNS nabo for the past two days, ndotafye ndeponda.

16/10/2023

Title: "The Zambian Economic Recipe"

By Eustace Kamwendo

Characters:
1. Chef
2. Helper
3. Customer

[Scene: A fancy restaurant at Lewanika Mall. Chef and Sous Chef are busy at work preparing dishes.]

Chef: (to Helper) Today, we have a special order from our customer for the "Zambian Economic Recovery" dish. It's quite challenging!

Helper: (confident) Chef, I've got this. Let's start with some "Fiscal Responsibility."

Chef: (nodding) Excellent. That's the base of the recipe. Now, add a pinch of "Debt Management."

Helper : (sprinkling in the "Debt Management") Next, a dash of "Infrastructure Investment" to give it some flavor.

Customer: (enthusiastic, entering the kitchen) I can't wait to taste the "Zambian Economic Recovery"!

Chef: (startled) Sir, you're not supposed to be in the kitchen!

Customer: (ignoring) Just came to tell you to add a hint of "Education Reform" to make my meal balanced.

Helper: (reluctantly) Very well. Just a hint.

Chef: (impressed) You've got quite the appetite for economic recovery! We'll also add a sprinkle of "Export Diversification."

Customer: (grinning) Perfect! And let's not forget "Agricultural Investment" to make it wholesome.

Helper: (adding "Agricultural Investment") Anything else, sir?

Customer: (thinking) Oh, how about "Good Governance" as a garnish?

Chef: (rolling eyes) Sir, that's always on our the menu.

Helper: (plates the dish) Here it is, the "Zambian Economic Recovery"!

Customer: (tasting) Mmm, it's a bit spicy but I like the "Political Stability," and the "Resource Management"in it, gives it a nice balance.

Chef: (satisfied) Glad you enjoyed it, sir.

Customer: (to Chef) You know, this could be a bestseller if the government took some notes from your kitchen.

Helper: (whispering to Chef) Maybe we should start a consulting business.

Chef: (chuckles) One step at a time.

Hakainde Hichilema 😊

07/09/2023

Ba Charles Stop.

😭

07/09/2023

Zimbabwe needs to be serious, takwaba iya so. 😂😂

06/09/2023

Lusaka real estate agents are getting out of hand.

Ati, this is a nice neighborhood. Good for guys like you, a lot of social Hangouts, The Mall is just 10 minutes away and Dr Wu's Clinic is just around the corner.

27/07/2023

03/01/2023

Headbands

Order now
K100 for 5 different colors

Deliver country wide.

15/07/2022

Zambia Daily Mail proving a point.

15/06/2022

Need a quick loan, within 5 minutes. Zamcash is here for you.
Click the link.

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It quick and easier ,Within 5 minutes,you will receive money! follow the link to start your application.

No collateral

10/06/2022

An American insurance company has been order to pay $5.2 to a woman because she has s*x and contracted HIV/AIDS in car that was insured by them.

A Missouri woman was awarded $5.2 million in a settlement from insurance company GEICO after contracting a s*xually transmitted disease from her partner in his vehicle, which was insured by the company, court documents show. The Missouri Court of Appeals upheld that award this week.

The woman, a Jackson County resident, said she contracted Human papillomavirus (HPV) from her partner, according to court documents. On Tuesday, the Missouri Court of Appeals filed an opinion confirming the initial Jackson County Circuit Court arbitration award finding against GEICO.

In February 2021, the woman -- anonymously identified in documents as M.O. -- submitted a petition to GEICO directly. She alleged that her s*xual partner negligently caused or "contributed to cause to be infected with HPV by not taking proper precautions and neglecting to inform and/or disclose his diagnosis," according to court documents, and that his "insurance policy provided coverage for her injuries and losses."

31/03/2022

That lady at Mobile City, Southgate Mall (Kulima Tower).
The one always saying "Kaba kopanda sili".

Is that really necessary. Doing that all day?

Why can't they Kanshi just record her voice and play it on a loop.

09/03/2022

Petrol pump attendants should start wearing tuxedos.

You can't be serving something this expensive in an overall.

08/03/2022

Originally Samsung Galaxy Buds.

High quality sound 10/10
12 hours battery life
Perfect/firm fit

WhatsApp 0967003003

27/02/2022

A hacker known only as Anonymous has hacked Russia.

Kremlin website is DOWN: Russian state websites including media watchdog crash and TV channels 'are hacked to broadcast Ukrainian songs'

26/02/2022

"I don’t think I’ve ever seen a leader rise to the challenge like Zelensky has. It’s like he was born for this moment" Says Mr. Kamwendo

24/02/2022

Best explanation on the ongoing war between Russia and Ukraine

24/02/2022

How ba ZNBC, how 😂😂😂

11/02/2022

The bible is very clear on this one

29/01/2022

According to the Zambia Statistics Agency: The inflation rate has decreased to 15.1% from 21.5% Same time last year.

27/01/2022

Whoever is in charge of Hungry Lion on Twitter needs a raise.

24/01/2022

Next month problems

24/01/2022

*Now You Know*

On a bank note it states “I promise to pay the bearer on demand”. What that means is, the bank has pledged to the holder of that note, that on demand, they will give to the holder, the value stated on the note in gold or coinage. A bank note is merely an IOU.

However, exchange of gold these days is not possible on demand, Zambian notes can only be exchanged for other Banks notes of the same face value.