A Loser's Journal

30/03/2024

Life is no bliss. To live is to be tormented.
To survive is to convince yourself it's a bliss. That's why when people die,
They say rest in peace as
The torment has ended.

03/12/2023

How many times do we have to die in pursuit of living life to the fullest?

15/11/2023

Haha now that you see me so well. At least y'all don't get to think I'm broken and weak.

But yeah, anhedonia it is. 😎

11/10/2023

14/09/2023

I asked for help, but all I got was "everybody gets their heart broken."

Well, I understand because you only knew that part of my story. That it's all about a man. Jokes on you being a heathcare professional!

Family, finances, career, future, present, past. All at once. I am sick of it all. Maybe it's best to shut you all down.

12/09/2023

I give up to life.

08/09/2023

Relapse lang to.

06/09/2023

I get it now.

I'm not meant for you and you're not meant for me. This love story wasn't built for forever, it is only a dog eared chapter and nothing more.

You're the man I'm meant to grow up and tell my daughter all about when she asks me about love and what it means to have it, not the man she calls her father, and I'm the girl your son will someday ask you about when he comes to you swearing that he's in love and wants to know if you've ever been in love, too.

I get it now. We'll never come back to one another, not in this life but I'll carry you and all of our memories with me until it's time to meet again in the next one.

28/08/2023

I wanted to blame you not just for the way you had treated me but for the way you had let me go quickly and without a second thought. And although I don't forgive you of your unkindness I do recognize that there were days I chose to break my own heart. I wanted to be the one for you and I needed you to be the one for me. I had put the entirety of my heart into this. I didn't want to lose. But in the process of loving us I had lost myself. So how can I blame you for my inability to recognize when things don't want me? On those days, I blame myself.

24/08/2023

Dahan dahanin mo naman ang pag bitaw oh. Please.

24/08/2023

We were never perfect. That's just the way the world is, acting like we're fine to hide all the cracks beneath the surface. I don't want to dwell on the bitterness. I guess we got to learn how to live with it. What we had was so delicate. Now I just reminisce. We got a lot of great times to remember. And it was real love, that's what matters. I wish I had all the answers.

24/08/2023

I didn't expect you to stay, but I also didn't expect you'd walk out on me the way you did.

23/08/2023

I wish I could tell you, but there's no point in telling you. I can't have you back.

17/08/2023

Heart: I know he loved me. He cared for me.
Brain:

09/08/2023

I think I need help.

09/08/2023

I have to lie to people that I am not alone just to console them off their worries about me having a tendency to do stupid things to myself. Don't worry. I'm not like that. I can't do those things you think I can do out of despair.

09/08/2023

I know he loved me. ❤