Johny & Jimmy (2024)

20/09/2024

We made it. You probably didn’t. Anyway we’re too busy trying to be organised for tomorrow so here’s a poem

20/09/2024

The problem with writing these up front is that there could be some amazing news worthy thing that I could write about and make these relevant. But here we are. I have to ask myself when Oasis released their gigs do you think Noel and Liam were texting their mates asking them to share their event for reach?

18/09/2024

Half way through. I would put money on the fact J***y hasn’t listened to any of his tracks to the end through. Jimmy probably knows them better than he knows his daughter. It's easy to lose perspective, and it's important to take a step back sometimes and remember that we'll all probably die soon in a nuclear war.

17/09/2024

F*** me does this actually mean J***y did do all the work up front? Or are we going to see these drop off at Wednesday or Thursday? Place you bets now. J***y believes firmly in the many worlds theory. That there are an infinite universes and in them there are an infinite yous out there. And he’s sure in all of them none of you are enjoying reading this.

16/09/2024

We’re back already with yet another gig diary. Do these represent the day they are posted or the day before? We don’t fu***ng know. Does anyone care? Doubtful. I keep asking myself is this the best I can really do? Should I just not bother and go back to sharing the event with the caption “X days until the rave”. What am I trying to achieve really? Anyway it’s Monday so order a kebab and cry about how quick the weekend goes. I did.

15/09/2024

So it’s less than a week from yet another J***y and Jimmy Gig. I know they come round so fast. Like leap years or US presidents.

And I know what you’re all asking. Well the other thing you’re all asking. Jimmy is still s**t. But that’s a given. Will we be doing a pre gig diary? Well let’s take you behind the curtain and give you word for word what was said -

J***y: Shall we do another pre gig diary?

Jimmy: Will you actually finish this one?

J***y: We could do it with loads of mining puns as it’s in a quarry or something

Jimmy: Yeah but how about you do them all up front and you don’t scramble about writing them when we should be sorting tracks and stuff

J***y: I’ve got an idea for a poem…

Jimmy: Are you even reading my messages? What’s the point of them, no one reads them. No one even knows about them. Have you listened to any music yet?

J***y: Well promoters like to see you sharing stuff about the event and we’ve already asked everyone we know if they want to come so sharing a link to the event every day is pretty pointless also I’m really funny and people like that

Jimmy: We will do them on the condition you get them done up front. And you’re not funny.

Some weeks later…

Jimmy: Have you done the pre gig diary stuff?

J***y: …

Anyway they’re happening. So here’s the first one.

And please please come and see us at Madhouse. There’s loads of dj’s going to be there. You might even like some of them. And it’s a quarry! Looks a bit like the hole Jimmy recently crawled out of.

28/08/2024

Free mix alert! That’s right the best things in life are free. And yet you still can’t afford them.

Due to J***y not being able to read a calendar (might explain why he always had disastrous dates! Get it? Cos there’s dates on a calendar) Jimmy was recently flying solo at the biggest hard house night this year. How did he do you ask? Well you can find out yourself as he recorded the set. Or at least someone else did. He’s not great with rekordbox.

Look I don’t know why we put so much effort in to these captions. No one reads them. I guess deep down it’s the only effort J***y puts in to this duo these days. Jimmy picks the tunes. Gets most of the gigs. And in general does quite a lot of the work. Look at this mix. J***y wasn’t even there for it. He didn’t ever finish the last mix we did.

Anyway enough of the pity party. It’s a boss mix. It’s only got one track with a Spanish guitar. And we can all agree that’s hitting the maximum you want in an hours worth of music. And it’s actually got some hard house towards the end. Not bad for a hard house duo’s mix tape.

31/07/2024

Something something… Jimmys shed looks like something from a Stephen King novel

22/04/2024

The good news: it's spring. The bad news: we can no longer attribute our depression to winter.

I’ve got to admit it’s getting really hard to write these. Maybe it’s because Jimmy has got his life together and there’s less things to make fun of him for. Or maybe I don’t get enough practice as we’re not exactly the first artist promoters call when putting on a line up. I’ll let you decide which; like a chose your own adventure book. If you thought the first read the next paragraph otherwise it’s paragraph four.

We nearly didn’t get this gig. Since getting a girlfriend Jimmy has stopped checking his phone. He’s in a relationship and f**k everyone else that’s been picking up his life for the last 18 months. I jest of course. It was 2 years. He’s actually stopped yearning for things out of his reach and is simultaneously failing to appreciate his terrible life. And the flip phone he got from his job doesn’t work anymore. But luckily the promoters got hold of him eventually and here we are.

When Jimmy and I met some of the boys behind Madhouse (yes that really is the brand name. I too got visions of turning up at the venue and “you don’t have to be crazy to dance here but if you are it helps” written across the toilet wall. But as it’s Mansfield it’s written in s**t) my first thought was these guys are mad. Mad, it turns out, for a quality warm up set. As they booked us for their second event. Which we are eternally grateful for.

Many many years ago, before J***y got fat, grey and had a ridiculous man bun, he met some girls from Wales in Ibiza. As they got to know each other one of them asked J***y “do you want to come back to mine?” And for the next three years he dug coal. Which is a nice link as this event is in an old coal mine. And we think that’s amazing.

The venue isn’t just the only reason to come along. There’s also some rather impressive dj’s on the line up. And Ryan Walker.

Look you know the drill. Tell your friends. All two of them. I’ll share the event later. I think there’s a flyer on the way. It’s a boss little venue and some boys that are trying to put on a wicked day party. Which is all J***y can do now he’s old.

Join us at the Madhouse where the only thing darker than the bassline is the void of existential dread lurking within us all. Let's drown out the silence of our meaningless existence with beats so heavy they'll make you forget your own mortality – at least for a few hours. And it’s in September and we’ll most certainly be in the midst of a world war. So let's embrace the absurdity of our fleeting existence together. Because hey, we might as well go out dancing, right?

18/03/2024

This J***y and Jimmy party political broadcast comes mainly from J***y.

It’s not often I say this but I’m really proud of Jimmy for the music he’s putting out solo. He’s forging his own path and while I think the path is straight through a swamp of s**te music, it’s his path.

A while back Jimmy sent me a track and said this vocal could work really well in a hard house track. I’ll give him his dues, those tedious journeys in the morning to his tedious job really do give him the time to unearth some incredible music that we have as a duo used to rapturous effect. Or is affect? I never know. I could Google it but I’ll lose my flow. Now where was I? Oh yeah this was not one of those times. Anyway after about 3 or 4 times of him sending it to me I think he got the hint and went off and did it on his own. Probably with a fu***ng Spanish guitar in there too. Another one of his vices.

He did also send me the promo once it was done. I don’t think I listened to it. I told him to send it to Tidy though to pretend I did. Tidy asked him to remove the vocal. And their email from his phone. I think the vocal removal was a copyright thing. Or for the sake of mankind. I’ll have to ask Amo. Anyway after that crushing rejection he shopped it about. And someone took the bait. A proper decent house label. I think. I really should listen to him.

I’ve actually been really harsh there. Many of the things above are ever so slightly exaggerated. He played it at our gig in Corby and I remember thinking this is really good. I didn’t tell him though. And he’s dipping his toes in to labels outside of hard house. As well as the previously mentioned swamp. And that’s a good thing.

Anyway I think you should buy it. I’ll bang the link in the comments. Cos that’s what Jon Hemming does. But seriously I am genuinely proud of him as he’s doing something constructive and I’m here wallowing in pity and trying to work out if people really do want to join my Sarcastic Club or not.

You’ve not heard from us in a while cos Jimmys been getting on with his life and I haven’t had the mental capacity to sit and write but we do have a wonderful series of posts about sheds coming up. And I might finish that mix from Corby off.

Until then I’m forever jealous of your heart because it’s pumping inside you and I’m not. Xx

31/12/2023

The Chinese balloon over the USA, the failed titanic submarine, two gigs in November and for a short while Jimmy being the s*x symbol in our little olde duo. There’s been some crazy stuff happen in 2023.

Now we’re not here to tell you either of us are going to be too busy later to wish you all a happy new year. In fact the exact opposite. J***y is currently making dill oil and Jimmy didn’t fancy it as his barber in Tesco shut early and he can’t go out without his clubcard skin fade.

What we are imagining is that as you’re getting ready with your favourite tipple getting ready for whatever you had planned tonight you might want something to warm you up.

And unfortunately it’s not our latest mix as J***y hasn’t pulled his finger out to get it ready. He’ll probably tell you he was too busy writing this. Or making dill oil.

So we wholeheartedly recommend the mix that got us zero bookings and has had less than 400 listens. It’s a boss mix of non hard house that works its way to hard house. It’s exactly as awful as that sounds. We’ll pop the link in the comments. As it makes us look more professional. We’re not.

From both of us and the bottom of our hearts (J***y’s dark and spiteful and Jimmy’s two pizzas from cardiac but now full of love) we thank the small percentage of you for the support in 2023. 2024 is already looking boss.

And on the plus side we’re only 5 more Christmases from fascism, let’s try to enjoy ourselves.

17/12/2023

Hot off the back of our busiest dj month ever, which was the only month we’ve had gigs in 2023, we now have the biggest booking we’ve ever had. As a duo. It’s the biggest booking of 3 bookings. It’s like being the best looking dj on a juicy line up. 👀

When J***y used the medium of podcasts to give views no one wanted to hear on the hard house scene he was always in praise of what the people behind the shed sessions were doing and what they were building. They still didn’t book him though. Anyway we digress. The Shed has become synonymous (look it up) with fun. And over the last few years they’ve added hosting quality nights with a core roster of djs that have grown from strength to strength. It’s the hottest brand in hard house right now.

Doncaster warehouse is one of the few remaining iconic rave venues left. We absolutely can’t wait to see it in all its glory as we play to our usual tens of people. It’ll be busy for other djs we’re sure.

And speaking of other djs, we really feel like we’re standing on the shoulder of giants here. The flyer really is a thing of beauty. From a design standpoint point and the djs that adorn it. It’s packed wall to wall with quality.

August is a while away and you’re going to hear us bang on for 8 solid months how much we’re excited about this gig and it may just seem like we’re towing the line from the promoters but we genuinely are. And from a personal view we’re super happy that the hard work we’ve put in creating mixes, pushing our brand and two solid sets has done nothing to get us here. Instead a long talk and a ha***ob in a dirty Corby toilet did the job. Thanks Jon Hemming and the team.

Johny & Jimmy

20/09/2024

20/09/2024

18/09/2024

17/09/2024

16/09/2024

15/09/2024

28/08/2024

31/07/2024

22/04/2024

18/03/2024

31/12/2023

17/12/2023

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