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News you cannot count on, we range from sports from a guy who barely understands the game, political things that never happened, and everything in between.*

*If for whatever reason you are terrible at reading comprehension this is all satire.

KID ROCK PUT OUT MORE MUSIC TO APPEAL TO BOOMERS, MILLENIALS STILL BLAMED FOR GEN Z IN EVERY SONG.Kid Rock is scheduled ...
27/01/2022

KID ROCK PUT OUT MORE MUSIC TO APPEAL TO BOOMERS, MILLENIALS STILL BLAMED FOR GEN Z IN EVERY SONG.

Kid Rock is scheduled to release his new album "LAZY MILLENIALS" next month. The album is available on 8 track and vinyl to pander to Boomers and Wannabe Boomers, and the font is set to be in all caps so they can read the title tracks. Songs to debut on the album are mostly about how millenials cannot censor them, even though millenials don't give a s**t. Title tracks include "GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONE", "PARTICIPATION TROPHY" and his new hit song "I LOVE TO DRIVE 20 UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT IN THE MORNING, MAKING YOU LATE FOR WORK"

Millenials, still confused on why they are being blamed for Gen Z, confessed they don't care and are too busy trying to make a living. "Dude, im just trying to pay my rent." Alex Jefferson, a 30 year old from Wisconsin said, "I don't care if you are being offensive as much as I care about being homeless because I can barely afford my rent, and Boomers destroyed the housing market."

Kid Rock's new album is set for release on Feb 30th, you can find them in sale at Cracker Barrel and in hospital gift shops.

PRESIDENT BIDEN ANNOUNCES PLEDGE TO NOMINATE VAQUITA TO SUPREME COURT In a bold move being hailed by Democrates as the ...
27/01/2022

PRESIDENT BIDEN ANNOUNCES PLEDGE TO NOMINATE VAQUITA TO SUPREME COURT

In a bold move being hailed by Democrates as the best decision for inclusiveness, President Biden has announced he will nominate a vaquita to Supreme Court. The vaquita is the ultimate minority as it is endangered and as of recently it is believed there are only 10 remaining. When pointed out that the vaquita has no qualifications to serve on the Supreme Court by a reporter Thomas Jenkins, NCN network immediately fired the reporter for being racist and issued an apology. Republicans criticism of the announcement stemmed only from the fact the Democrats made the choice and had no other issue with it.

Since the vaquita is an aquatic animal and requires water, a bullet proof tank was being installed at the time of writing due to capitol police "accidently" shooting minorites.

NEW CORONA VARIANT CONFIRMED TO BE FROM CHICAGOA new and even deadlier variant of Covid-19 has been confirmed to be orig...
26/01/2022

NEW CORONA VARIANT CONFIRMED TO BE FROM CHICAGO

A new and even deadlier variant of Covid-19 has been confirmed to be originating from Chicago. The new variant has been dubbed the "Garfield Variant", appears to be armed with a switchblade and a pistol, and is being described as "Mostly Peaceful" by most politicians and celebrities. Dr. Faucci has promised the US that he is working hard with other political groups to try to make it as divisive as possible, and find no common ground. The sides drawn so far are "Completely freak the f**k out." and "Covid is a lie and can't hurt you. "

At the time of writing pharmaceutical companies are working hard to cash in, I mean, create a new vaccine which may or may not work.

PRESIDENT BIDEN FORGETS TO TAKE OFF TRUMP MASK, REVEALING THEY ARE SAME PERSON. Earlier today without realizing it Pres...
26/01/2022

PRESIDENT BIDEN FORGETS TO TAKE OFF TRUMP MASK, REVEALING THEY ARE SAME PERSON.

Earlier today without realizing it President Biden forgot to take off his President Trump mask while he held a speech in Scotsvale, AZ. Devoted fans from both sides of the political spectrum were outraged, but majority were not suprised as they thought about it more. "He was supposed to make America great again but didn't really do anything." said registered republican Jethro Stephens, "I was confused that even though we had lost the 2020 election that nothing really changed, but now it all makes sense now." In addition to the outrage from both sides, others have wondered who else is the same person. "I am starting to question everything I've understood about politics for years." Linda Johnson-Crawford-Smith-Thompson, registered democrat from Sunnycloud, California. "Who else is Biden pretending to be?"

After the incident Biden's handlers immediately got him off the stage and were last seen working feverishly on who to blame. Biden could not be found for question as they lost him in the local kids clothing store.

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