A once conflicted, insecure, paralyzingly shy little girl…yeah, I don’t know her anymore either. Edifice broken…a long with all the lies and less than stories I’ve ever told myself have culminated in a hard STOP, eye opening, bone chilling, sobering silence. Time to be still w it. This was never intended to be the way I spoke to me, but programming and trauma had other plans. No victim here…this has been my picture frame to break. I rebuild most beautifully and intentionally now.The version that lacked boundaries…💜that didn’t deserve love💜that was never enough💜that was always too muchIt’s unending and heartbreaking, but it was my internal dialogue for years. Damage was done and integrated along w the harm it caused me mentally & emotionally over the many years I continued to walk its path.Excessive drinking to run from these feelings took me deeper.But see, the way I’m built….💃🏼I don’t allow damage and destruction to stop me. It’s like the starting point! I find my strength in the storm and its fuels me like nothing else. To overcome the wreckage, put forth an insane effort to heal and refuse to accept less. Those were my matching orders. I dance through the flames as they power me wickedly here. I had to find it first!I’m one example of so many that have flipped the script on alcohol and what it’s meant in their world. It devastated me in ways I’ll never get back and I willingly consumed it.If you battle any neurospicy diagnosis, I encourage you to get curious about what the removal of alcohol can do for you. I didn’t set out w this outcome, I needed to get me to higher ground. But this has become the key that unlocked all of the goodness to changing this dialogue and I’ll tell you again tomorrow.💜💫Need help resisting alcohol? Drop a 💜and I’ll share a link to a free @reframe_app trial offer. You can do this too baddie, I believe in you! #CPTSD #PTSD #traumarecovery #overcome #healing #dvsurvivor #dvsurvivo
Transformation…it’s what you can’t see that has been most altered in my reality. I hit a brick wall going 100 MPH and I’ll always tell you, it had to happen. I like to take every opportunity I can now to warn you, you mustn’t have this outcome to make a shift and prevent the rupture. Don’t fool yourself baddie…it’s coming. You don’t have to wait for its appearance. I thank this past version of me, as she was wickedly worthy and needed in getting me here. Such gratitude in my heart for her poor, lost, broken soul. She has been my absolute greatest gift despite the torture she was packaged in. @roseyandwild taught me this at one of my first ketamine infusions. Don’t wish her away, thank her for the gift of her existence…the many lessons she came to teach. She has now been massively upgraded, so I release and surrender to all future Tiffany’s as well. 🙌🏼The many humans & experiences that have presented along my way, were all needed. Contrast is essential, we are teaching a nervous system what feels safe. I didn’t have that for years, as I walked in a heightened trauma response that forced a mental breakdown. Not all remain in the picture of my next chapters, still I hold such gratitude for their existence no matter the love or harm they may have presented me. I have transmuted internally all I have needed, as I’ve learned the difference between the two. Love doesn’t hurt. Love doesn’t manipulate or control and love doesn’t lead you down a path of self destruction and addiction. Pain does. 💡I somehow felt exempt. I somehow thought I’d outrun it like everything else. Turns out, this was my nemesis while I thought it my savior. It’s the devil and it crept in and overwhelmed. I allowed.Reclaim yourself as only you can. As I figure out my next steps, I give this gift to you. I’d love nothing more than to catch you before you fall. No one tried to catch me, but I had many fooled. This was a solo project and I don’t ever wish
What ☮️feels like in my soul. Newly integrated, forever chasing, eternally grateful. 💜💫@verticaldancefitnessusa #poledance #polesport #polefitness #polecombo #poletrick #sobriety #taurusrising #healing #traumarecovery #awakenthebadass #love #peace #strongasamother
Consistency is KING. Now stack it baddie!We all start somewhere. A year ago I struggled to kick up into a handspring and I certainly couldn’t hold my ironx. It had been over 15 years since I’ve played on this apparatus, so I began again as an amateur in January 2023 & it brought me back to life. Play is truly where I’ve had the most radical healing along this journey. I recall the frustration of knowing I had the strength to accomplish the move, but not yet the technique. This has been the struggle with this sport all along and why I chase the challenge of it like nothing else. I compete with no one here, just myself and my ability to improve what I did the day before. I think we all need a container like this, no matter what it is.I realized the other day when I was mindlessly repping them out one after the other, just how far I’ve come. That’s why as a coach, I have you document your progress for me. We either need to celebrate or recalibrate and how can we if we don’t know what is or isn’t working. Document, document, document! It’s why I often film my sessions so I can see from a different angle what I’m doing right and often wrong. Upside down and backwards gets confusing alongside nauseating, so the struggle is real.🤣I don’t dwell on the past, but going back to revisit progress is a lovely thing when it swings the right direction. Feeling good looking back at my tracks the past many years. We are celebrating, recalibrating, integrating and mainly sitting very still now.Put in the work and it’ll start to show. But please don’t stop to smell the roses. You’ve planted and watered those seeds…they deserve your love too. 💜💫🧢- @fitmomliving 👟- @newbalance Fit- @vuoriclothing #pole #polesport #pdhandspring #pdironx #calisthenics #fitnessmotivation #awakenthebadass #progress #pdayesha #perfectpracticemakesperfect
For years I chased a complex trauma diagnosis as if my life depended on it. I realize now, it did. As I continued to pour fuel on my fire (alcohol+trauma=impending rupture)suffered anxiety & panic attacks, had a mental breakdown, sought treatment to overcome trauma, which then allowed me to hard stop alcohol over a year and a half ago, I had to realize this one thing…I was banging my head against the wall until I removed the alcohol. I was literally in my own way at every turn for years as I did such incredibly deep, self development that ultimately was healing, I just could not integrate it. It was always the alcohol. It hurt my mental health like nothing else. Without it, we gain clarity. I pray you’ve never have to know this darkness, but stand with you if ever you do. Trauma lives in the tissues of your body and there is no fooling yourself. It consumed me and I allowed it bc I kept feeding it; I kept it alive where it continued to destroy me. I do not recommend the way I did this to anyone, but I quickly identified & did the work to support my goals alongside my omission of alcohol, so repairing/healing the wound, keeps me from craving numbness. Drop a 💜if you need some assistance w alcohol reduction or other resources.I 🫶🏼Penelope#overcome #awakenthebadass #ptsd #cptsd #sobriety #alcoholfree #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #internalfamilysystems #traumarecovery #innerchildwork #addiction #sobercurious #penelope
We are energy…what’s yours giving? 💜💫#sober #confident #empowered #df #embodied #embodied #enlightened #eclipse #energy #frequency #tunein #awakenthebadass
Forever grateful for the many peeps that support me BTS and the many now taking pages from my messy mess of a message outwardly. It sure is the gift that keeps on giving as I learn my marching orders through the storm. If this episode speaks to you or someone you know is struggling silently, I encourage you to give the gift of perspective. Plant a seed, provide a different angle and gently nudge those that you observe struggling. We don’t all know how to ask. Please share this message if it is on your heart. A tsunami of love awaits. 💜Some of us are so damn proud, we will back ourselves into a corner and destroy ourselves w our truth. Or perhaps it’s our guilt/shame of our truth that overwhelms the soul. It was my MO; I understand it well.The lowest vibrational frequencies you’re carrying must be released. They are tightly anchoring you to your trauma. You are not your fkn trauma! SURRENDER. The storm has now silenced and I’m completely still. This is possible for you as well baddie. We walk this walk together and I have so many wonderful humans and resources here. Please know, many of us get it. I love you, you are worthy, you are beautiful. You are a BADASS. LFG! Resources available in bio or drop a 💜and I’ll share a link to a valuable resource that assists my omission of alcohol. You are worth it!More valuable resources for sobriety:@heathermdanby @sobermotivation@shewalkscanada @soberincentralpark @sobermomsquad @jenleehirst #sobriety #mentalhealth #traumarecovery #healing #alcoholfree #ptsd #cptsd #awakenthebadass
Sometimes it’s best we jump, then figure out how to fly. Tomorrow is never promised.Often times, we get in our own way, overthinking every angle. Paralyzed in fear. I’ve been working for years to break through trauma and old programming that no longer serves me. It was downright harming me, but as we often we run on an automated program, unaware of how much actual ability we have to shift, I did the same until the tether snapped. Sadly, many will never explore this space to discover this reality, but self discovery work is necessary for our growth and evolution. Stagnancy never much appealed to me. It’s been a heavy, ongoing lift, but I have finally set myself free. Alcohol has no place in this space I’ve created. This is where I’ve earned my wings🪽 ❤️🖤🤍Need assistance w alcohol reduction? Drop a 💜and I’ll share a link to a wonderful resource that benefits me daily. #clarityisking #awakenthebadass #sobriety #alcoholfree #addiction #trauma #healing #recovery #soberaf #sobering #alcoholfreelifestyle
It’s just a feeling. 💜💫
Thanks to the @reframe_app, I’ve just realized today marks 518 days, 1.4 years, 73 weeks and 12,420 hours since I dropped the bottle and raised the bar on me! Thats a damn vibe and I’ve stopped celebrating these months as they tick off, yet it’s a nice realization when I affirm my new reality. I just don’t drink.
I haven’t given anything up, rather I’ve gained much in return. I realize how little I was living my life behind the hazy lens of something so harmful to my mental health.
If you suffer from anxiety, depression, CPTSD, PTSD, suicidal ideations, etc, IT WILL ONLY TAKE YOU DEEPER! I urge you to seek assistance if you are no longer in control of your drinking.
As a longtime fitness expert/model, I was living a lie numbing myself out with a toxic carcinogen regularly and calling it relief from my paralyzing anxiety. It only served to further destroy my mental health and release years of wounding unmanaged.
If you think it’s worth taking a look at, resources are available in my bio.
I’m cheering you on loudest! 💜💫
#alcoholfree #alcoholfreelifestyle #addict #sobriety #mentalhealth #sobercurious #sobermovement #casober #soberaf #sobering #traumarecovery #domesticviolenceawarenessmonth💜 #dvsurvivor #traumahealing
My drinking wasn’t heavy, I didn’t get blackout drunk, I rarely if ever felt hungover, I thought I was beating the system. Somehow, it still took everything from me as I willingly poured it down my throat.
Alcohol damaged my mind and allowed unhealed trauma to bubble up so hard it rocked me to my core. I washed myself away with it.
A devastating breakdown led me to a most incredible breakthrough.⭐️🙌🏼
You can take matters into your own hands as I did, a beautiful community of support awaits you. The @reframe_app helps me track & maintain my alcohol free lifestyle, now going strong for over 1.5 years.
Today is the day you can choose to do something different and alter your existence moving forward. I believe in you baddie!💜💫
Sober curious? Drop a 💜and I’ll send some resources your way!
SURRENDER…
For anything worth having in this life, you must fully surrender.
Grateful to play among some of the best! Thanks for trackin’ me so damn well @louisdarrouzet and for jugglin’ my crazy ass even better! You’re the real MVP!🙌🏼♥️💋
i’m sure most of you aren’t surprised I can conquer some of these great big hairy goals, but tackling them at the age of 45 is as much as a surprise to me. Even my girls who are now 20 & 21 are like “WTH mom!”😳
Onward and upward we go baddie, your only opponent lies deep within your own mind. Rise above! 💜💫
#acro #flexfriday #handstand #circus #acrobatics #acroyoga #acrobalance #play #surrender #awakenthebadass #nevertoolate
Far from overnight, but my consistency rings KING round here! 🙌🏼
Yesterday, my lats finally joined the party and I learned and felt where some of my control needs to come from. To say I was elated is an understatement. This is what lights me up!
Challenge, skills, growth, evolution, REPEAT!🔥🔁
Keep it up, growth looks beautiful on you baddie!💜💫
#handstandpractice #handstand #handstandeveryday #levelup #awakenthebadass #acro #handbalance
When my inside voice comes out.🤣
And tbh, I speak to myself regularly. I hear we are the intelligent ones.😂😂
In all seriousness, your thoughts become things, so be cognizant of your daily thoughts and steer them in the direction of your favor. The universe will respond. If you have a negative thought you must immediately replace it with 10 positive thoughts. Try this today and aim to make it a new positive daily habit!
#personalgrowth #traumarecovery #myam #moveyourassmonday #sobriety #optimism #thoughtsbecomethings
#perfectpracticemakesperfect #awakenthebadass #handstandpractice
It’s pretty simple anymore…No fomo here, I’ve always been built a bit differently. I have had to learn to sit w myself much over these past few years. I find that if you fear your own company, we have a problem. I can heal in the presence of the right people, but my solitude is essential to my wellbeing. I must’ve been alone a lot as a kid. I do see it now…the more you know!My return to so much of my roots has me enjoying training in all new ways. 🤸🏼 I’ve always found, that if you move in such a way that makes you happy, you’ll continue to be motivated to move! Learning new skills, becoming stronger, challenging myself. I think I feel a competition coming on!!! I chase me higher!I used to wonder what I’d do w my hands when I stopped drinking. I’m happy to see it in action today. You can too! Resources linked in bio and the @reframe_app can assist! #awakenthebadassPS-Wicket is the perfect weight for Bulgarian tubside split squats 🤣🏋🏼♀️#soberliving #sobermotivation #alcoholfree #casober #traumainformed #traumahealing #fitnessmotivation #awakenthebadass #riseupbaddie #wickey #wicket #lovepup #sh*tzu
Happy MYAM TEAM!
Because thoughts are things…very important things that become our reality, it’s imperative to take stock and make sure you’re the one runnin the show. Because I’ve been a lifelong athlete, some thoughts are second nature to me no matter the difficulty. It’s a mindset.
I do what I say I am going to do. A trait and a mindset I’m damn proud of but like any other muscle, you must train it. I didn’t get here by accident.
Some of my thoughts this am:
Feel it to heal it.
Consistency is King.
Keep going.
You can slow but NEVER stop.
Self motivation is all there is.
Giving up is never an option.
Try harder tomorrow.
Rise above the past, it does not define you.
Do it anyway.
Never stop learning, your growth depends on it.
Lead w your heart.
Work till failure then always ONE MORE REP!
Always seek the lesson.
Live in and lead w gratitude.
Embrace the suck!
Am I done yet?😜
Alcohol made the waters far murkier, so I could no longer be the master of my thoughts. That’s where I had to choose me nearly a year and a half ago. I stay here bc it is necessary and this is the version my 3 beautiful children deserve of me. Find your why and chase hard after it.
Need assistance w alcohol reduction?! @reframe_app can help! Trial offer linked in bio!
You can too! 💜💫
#fitnessmotivation #legday #myam #meditate #motivate #awakenthebadass #soberlife #alcoholfree
This year, I promise me to be 1% better each day in some way and then do it again for just one more day. 🔁
No fancy goals, just consistent, intentional navigation to avoid that which isn’t meant for me and more chasing of that which sets my soul on fire. 🔥 You can too!
The @reframe_app can assist in daily moderation and ultimately reduction of your alcohol intake. More info linked in bio along with a free trial offer. I believe in you!💜💫
#sobriety #alcoholfree #healingjourney #traumahealing #divorce #awakenthebadass
What the process looks like…
I love observing growth, strength and progress in an all new way. Embrace the suck as we say…I’ve tackled this time and time again in many areas of my life and see clearly this is how I must operate. This is how I stay hungriest. To continually challenge and chase the goodness out of me, the only gear I have since building upon this process I have been integrating for years.
Highly mediocre just ain’t for me! Competition coming fall 2024!
#poledance #polesport #poledance #alwaysbelearning #awakenthebadass
“In learning you will teach and in teaching you will learn.” … I feel that in my soul. 🔁💜💫
I gained many new skills very quickly at a recent acro workshop! What a blast to play and level up. I met so many of the coolest humans!
Thanks @louisdarrouzet @acrowonderland @mimi.graceful @edward_the_porter @theacrosanta and all who made the weekend such a special experience for so many!
Thanks @louisdarrouzet❣️ @themattifestdestiny & @margaret.moon for your guidance and positivity!! You gave me the extra confidence to push a bit harder! Now, we clean it up!
#play #acro #fitnessmotivation #tosshands #awakenthebadass
This year has been the greatest self-love project of my life. I’m beginning to think, it shows. It needed to.
I’m ever grateful that the thoughts and visions inside my mind now shine brightly in my outward reality. I’ve worked damn hard to get here, so it’s an empowering feeling to see it come to life. 🌟
Always hungry for more, my year on the pole along w newly incorporated Acro fun, has truly brought me back to life. A year of many firsts for me, all done without the hazy lens of alcohol upon it. The beauty, the pain, the heartache..all observed from a most clear perspective. Only way to integrate the goodness; I had it wrong for far too long. Showing up for others and setting myself on the back shelf, no longer. I’m the best version of me to those I love and hold closest. Never too late to shift perspective. It’s beautiful here, I encourage you to fight hard for you!
What passions are you chasing? I hope you’ll chase you highest! 💜💫
There’s so much pride if you only knew how devastating my last few years have been.
My first death drop!
Thanks for your expertise @louisdarrouzet! 💘 I’m so grateful to play & train among some of the best in the biz!
What scares you? Do you chase it anyway?
#cheeracro #acro #acrobatics #deathdrop #funplay #innerchildwork #awakenthebadass #innerchildhealing #offtothecircus
