30/04/2020
Until a few months ago, I had terrible eating habits - or rather, the lack of them. I was eating one meal a day, or less. I had done that unknowingly for years, and I always told myself that it was simply because I was busy and did not have the time to cook three meals a day for myself. I would go weeks without eating even a single whole meal in the day until hunger and lack of nutrients would catch up, and I would eat maybe a meal and a half instead.
It was only around six months ago that I realized that I wasn’t that busy. I was just using it as an excuse to not eat, because I wasn’t happy with the way I looked.
I grew up watching zero-size ladies in commercials and movies, and the aunties of everywhere never failed to comment on my weight - even if it was in a good way. I had always, truly believed that my weight is important to my body and my personality, and as I hit my teenage years and gained weight like a normal human, I started to freak out. I thought I was getting fat and ugly - as if those two words were ever meant to be tied together.
So I buckled up and started putting food in my body, whether or not I wanted to eat. I started with two and expanded to almost three healthy meals in a day. I made myself love the body I am in. And all was good until a few days ago, when someone told me I’ve gotten very fat over the years. All it took were a few words to put all my progress into reverse.
I spent the next few days watching calories and not eating again. I struggled with nausea because the minute I was near food, a mental ticker would go off in my head, screaming at me that I needed to lose weight.
But here's the thing - I'm not overweight - my BMI is perfectly fine. At most, I could lose a couple of kilograms, but I am healthy and happy and that's that. So I let my body feel what it needed to feel for a couple of days, and then eased myself back into a healthy diet.
Life can be hard, and people can be rude, but all you really need is to stop pitying yourself, and start loving yourself. Learn to love yourself, and remember to give yourself some space. And the next time something goes wrong, or someone says something hurtful, remember that your best weapon is your faith in yourself.
