10/04/2022
A lot of you are wondering where I’ve been or what happened and I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to address it but, I needed time to think and process all of my feelings. I’m better at writing my feelings out then I am speaking them so bare with me. Buckle up, it’s long.
At the age of 19 I got married, left college and my jobs behind, and moved to South Carolina. While there, I got a job and quickly realized how toxic my relationship would turn. It was 2 years of mental abuse and one day after being split up for 7 months I decided enough was enough. I packed my things, got an apartment with my coworkers and moved out. A couple weeks later, on the week of my birthday, I lost everything in an apartment fire. I had no renters insurance yet so I was starting from scratch. A couple months later I found out I was pregnant with Adaline and moved to Virginia to start my family. After 2 years in Virginia, I moved back to Florida for a year because my family fell apart and that was the only place i had to go. After some time apart, we got back together, I moved back to Virginia for my family to be together and later had Alexander.
Streaming was something I started to be able to work at home since we couldn’t afford child care up here and don’t have family or friends nearby. Jason being the sole provider, couldn’t give up his job so I had to find something that worked around the kids for myself. I quickly fell in love with streaming. I met some of my best friends from streaming. I was able to pay my bills, raise my kids, and provide for my family. Until I wasn’t.
Streaming is more than turning on your pc and going live. Its going through depression, anxiety, internal battles and still having to show up. It’s playing a game(that I grew to not like), talking to chat and keeping them entertained and wanting to stay. It’s comparing yourself and your growth to other streamers. Wondering what you’re doing wrong constantly and not knowing what you need to do to grow. It’s not understanding the platform. It’s being called vulgar names and trolled for being “bad” at the game you’re playing. And while dealing with all of this, you are having to smile and still put out great content, pretending it doesn’t bother you.
I won’t lie and say the platform doesn’t bother me, because it does. There are no clear answers to things streamers need. There’s no help when we need it. And what turned my drive for streaming down the most was seeing partners of Facebook Gaming not getting paid, and receiving ZERO help or word from Facebook. Why would i want to spend years trying to get partner when they can’t even get help for serious issues. This platform has so much potential but I can’t keep pouring myself into a company who truly doesn’t care.
With all this being said,
THIS ISNT GOODBYE.
I still plan to go live when time allows and when I know I’ll truly enjoy myself being live. For now, I have been focusing on finding a job, and most importantly, finally pursuing something I’ve been passionate about since I was a kid, Photography. It’s something I’m naturally decent at, absolutely love, and something that makes me genuinely happy.
The reason I told you my story above is because for once, I am FINALLY doing something for MYSELF. I gave up 7 years of my life for 2 other mens careers and my kids. And now, I’m being selfish and doing this for myself.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. Truly. If you’ve supported me in my streams, thank you. I do miss everyone and I still plan on keeping in touch with everyone and I hope everyone does the same. You all saved me these past 2 years more than you will ever know and I’ll never be able to thank you all for that. Always remember that you matter and im always here for anyone. I love you all 💜
Sincerely,
ShelbiPlays