Nature, Humanity and Life stories.
(8)
Big shout out to whoever this employee is. I was driving in Halifax by Sobeys Queen Street and made my friend slow down so I could snap this wonderful picture. An Employee was helping an elderly lady home as the sidewalks are very icy letting her hold his arm and carry her groceries. Now that's putting your customers first. Please thank him for being a great employee.
Photo courtesy of Terri Bordage Stevens
Just up the road from my home is a field with two horses in it. From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing.
If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her. As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray.
When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owner of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. God watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those whom God places in our lives. Other times, we are the guide horse, helping others see the way.
Good friends are like this. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.
Please listen for my bell, and I'll listen for yours.
- Author Unknown
Most people think these cupboards are pointless. Here's how to properly use them.
Full article đ đŹ
A story many of you know....
Once a man asked a wise old man whether he should stay with his wife or go to his mistress.
The old man took a freshly cut rose and a cactus in his hand
and he asked the man:
- If I give you to choose from these flowers, which one will you choose?
The man smiled and answered without thinking:
- A rose, of course!
- You're crazy, said the old man, sometimes men are possessed by beauty and choose what is the most beautiful and freshest.
The rose will soon wilt and die. Cactus stays green and one day despite having thorns it will bloom into the most beautiful flower you've ever seen.
Your wife knows your flaws, weaknesses and faults.
Your crush only want your success, money
and a smile.
Your wife has been there in all your downs, she knows your tears, she loves you in all your happy and bad.
However, your lover will leave you in moments of distress, she will exchange you for another who will give her what you are giving her now.
Crazy is the one who has a diamond at home and goes out to look for stones on other roads!
Bison are the only animal that turn into a snowstorm rather than away from it because they instinctively know that walking into the storm will get them out of the weather quicker. There may be a life lesson for humans in this. It also makes for some epic pictures.
This lady saw me parked at a City park this morning and decided to stop. She exited her vehicle with her two children and approached me as I was seated in my patrol car. She simply stated that she wanted to pray for me. Specifically for my safety. I expressed my gratitude the best I could, but she really has no idea how much that meant to me. Her little boy handed me a wilted flower that looked as if it had been in his pocket for a week. At that moment, it was the most beautiful flower Iâd ever seen.
My prayer is that sharing this encounter will encourage many to give people a chance, regardless of race or profession. You simply cannot judge an entire group of people because of the actions of some. Donât hate evil more than you love good.
Credit: Pancho and Lefty
Also Read This Story
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Some of you actually dressed like this to go to high school in the 50's and 60's.
No Slacks, always skirts and dresses. We behaved as young ladies and gentlemen with respect for ourselves and others. What wonderful times we had.
Someone commented today that it was disgusting that people let their dog sleep on their bed. I am more than ok with being disgusting đ
One of my favourite stories.
Charles, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies. One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charles, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes sir, I know, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.â
âYes sir, I understand your concern and Iâll try harder.â
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment,
âIt's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin,
"They usually saluted and said: âGood morning General, can I get your coffee sir?â"
I debated posting this picture but considering that today many of us are gonna be thankful for what we have and are gonna be spending it with those we love, eating very yummy food, I changed my mind. I didn't know my boyfriend had captured this moment. A couple of day's ago we went to eat late at night and as we waited for our order i saw this homeless lady walk in asking people that were throwing away there leftovers if she could have them. Not one person said yes, they all ignored her and threw it away it broke my heart...I have been volunteering with the homeless now for many years... they don't repulse me or make me sick to my stomach. I hold them all with so much love. So I told Fred if I see her before we are done eating I will give her my food. I looked for her as we were getting ready to leave and couldn't find her.....I felt sad knowing all the rejection she had that night searching for a warm meal. As I was gonna throw away my one leftover chicken strip and like 5 fries I heard a very quite voice ask me if I had anything left. I turned around and it was her..l gave her my food and watched her sit and eat it.....but something didn't feel right...I felt like a horrible human being feeding her my leftover chicken strip..she deserved so much more...so I bought her a whole meal..she deserved to eat a hot meal. When I ordered the meal I asked the employee for a huge favor to please do not kick her out as we waited...I could already see the disgust on people's faces as she sat at the table eating the leftovers I had given her....news flash people not all homeless people smell like roses. She was getting ready to get up and leave when I surprised her with this meal....the look on her face said it all...I have never felt something like this...pure, real gratitude. That hug she gave me was like a hug I had never felt....those tears she shed were felt deep in my heart...I held her tight and let her let it out. I wasn't repulsed by it....I just held her. And that is a moment I will never ever forget. So next time u judge a homeless person think twice...not all of them are homeless because of a drug addiction or because they are lazy.
Credit: Carmen Mendez
"Okay, so this may be a little crazy, but ... I'm sitting here staring at my wedding dress hanging in my closet and I can't help but to think of all of the brides affected by Hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Irma. My dress has been hanging in my closet for 7 years and I honestly don't see myself doing anything with it. There have to be so many brides who have had their dresses ruined from these devastating hurricanes.
Soooo... I want to give my dress away! If you are a bride or know a bride affected by the hurricanes, have them contact me! My only stipulation is after you wear it, you have to pass it to another bride that was affected as well! Kind of like the sisterhood of the traveling wedding dress! đ
I know the dress is not the most elegant or extravagant, but it was perfect for my perfect day and it was prayed over passionately and worn on a day filled with so much love. I would love to share my dress with another woman on her special day."
Credit: Amber White
Nobody takes me seriously in my house. My husband says I am too old to crochet. I finished this beautiful pattern and just want to know if I should continue or not. I've even found my next pattern! đĽ°
Credit - original owner
Nothing you love is lost. Not really. Things, peopleâthey always go away, sooner or later. You canât hold them, any more than you can hold moonlight. But if theyâve touched you, if theyâre inside you, then theyâre still yours. The only things you ever really have are the ones you hold inside your heart. ~Bruce Coville
(Book: Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher
Photo by Aleshurik
"John Gebhardt's wife, Mindy, said that this little girl's entire family was executed. The insurgents intended to execute the little girl also, and shot her in the head...but they failed to kill her. She was cared for in John's hospital and is healing up, but continues to cry and moan. The nurses said John is the only one who seems to calm her down, so John has spent the last four nights holding her while they both slept in that chair. The girl is coming along with her healing. He is a real Star of the war, and represents what America is trying to do. This, my friends, is worth sharing. Go for it!! You'll never see things like this in the news"
Credit: William Stevens
âWhen I was maybe 7 I was taking my dog for a walk around our house and the mailman offered him some water. I took that as an invitation to walk with him on his route in my neighborhood every day after school for the next nearly 7 years. Bob was such a joyful presence and we never ran out of things to talk about. He would always support my lemonade stands and we would even get each other little gifts on holidays and souvenirs from trips. Bobâs route eventually changed and we lost touch for several years.
Well, a few weeks ago I saw Bob walking his old route. I pulled the car over and got out. As I said âBob!â he said âMichelle!â with arms wide open and we embraced. I got the boys out of the car and Bob hugged them and held them as he showed them his mail truck. You would have thought they had known each other their whole life! Bob invited the boys over to fish at his pond so thatâs what we spent the evening doing. The boys had a blast catching fish, playing with worms, and hanging out with Bob.
It was so fun to reconnect and introduce Bob the mailman to my family. Heâs someone who makes you happy just being around him. I will always admire his zest for life. If you know him I bet youâve felt it!â
Credit: Michelle Wilson
"I adopted your dog today.
The one you left in the shelter.
The one you had for 10 years. That you don't want to keep him anymore.
I adopted your dog today.
Did you know he lost weight?
Did
you know he is terrorized and depressed?
And it seems he has lost all trust?
I adopted your dog today.
He had fleas and suffered from winter.
I guess you don't care what state he is in?
They told me you left him.
I adopted your dog today.
Did you have a baby or did you move? You have at once
a developed allergy? Or there was no reason,
why couldn't he stay with you?
I adopted your dog today.
Sheâs not playing and barely eating.
I think she is very sad and will take time,
before she gets her trust again.
I adopted your dog today.
And here we will love him.
He found his forever family.
And a warm place to relax.
I adopted your dog today.
And I will give him everything: patience, love, and safety.
So he can forget your cowardice. "
Peace Ever.
My soul is ageless.
Sometimes I wake up and I'm five.
I still want to believe in magic and pixie dust...
Sometimes I wake up and I'm 15.
I have strength and I feel I can change the world...
Sometimes I wake up and I'm 30.
I step on the earth, but I know I can fly...
Sometimes I wake up and I'm 60.
I have the experience and I want to share.
Offer the tranquility and wisdom of time,
that doesn't stop, that heals, that heals...
Sometimes I wake up and I don't know how old I am and
nor how many passed.,,
And it's in the soul, full of love and memories
that I feel all ages,
showing me a rich and precious life.
And that's where I find my great treasure,
a beautiful patchwork quilt,
unique, original and that bears my signature.
And on it is written:
"LIFE!''
PAUL HARVEY'S LETTER TO HIS GRANDCHILDREN
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches.. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.
When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.
When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy / girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it... And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he/she is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators...
"My Papa Joe is 85 and has been faithfully married to my grandma for 60 years. His memory is slipping and he is really slowing down. Today, he asked me to take him to Walmart because he wanted to get out of the house. I was thankful he asked because, as many of us know, he shouldnât be driving. I thought it would also benefit grandma to have the house to herself for a while, not having to worry about grandpa for a few hours. I watched him, cane in hand, taking the tiniest steps all around Walmart...I had no idea what he was after. I just thought he wanted out of the house. But as I observed each item he put in the cart, I noticed a theme. They were some of my grandmaâs favorite things. He got a bottle of her favorite soda. He carefully picked out a bag of her favorite grapes. He even bought her a small lemon pie...and then, my eyes welled with tears as I watched him hobble over to the fresh flowers and pick her the bouquet that had the most purple in it. On our way home, he insisted we stop and grab a sandwich to take home for grandmaâs lunch! May we all take a lesson from Papa Joe. Never stop being intentional!!!"
Credit: Alesha Nemechek
To everyone complaining about Texas Roadhouse allowing that dog who was deployed twice, to eat a steak in the restaurant on Veterans Day, I'd rather sit next to him than rowdy, bratty kids all day long.
I can guarantee that dog is cleaner and more quiet. He isnât up being allowed to run around like he (and his parents) were raised in a barn! â¤ď¸â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
Petmatchmaker Rescue South supports Texas Roadhouse, Veterans and all Military Working Dogs.
A lot of grade-school aged kids may have stayed away from my sister Mary or thought she was weird because she has Down Syndrome. But not Ben. He always looked out for her, always made sure to pick her on his team at recess and even made a promise to her in 4th grade to take her to the prom someday. 7 years later, he made good on that promise and in the process put a smile on Mary's face and restored my faith in humanity.
Have a great time at the prom you two! â¤
Credit: Tom Lapkowicz
I saved his half dead infected life from severe wounds and certain death caused by deep feral cat bites,
âŚand he literally melts into Joe.
I take him to Loweâs, fishing, Starbucks, and even to my book writing spot on the Appalachian Trail,
âŚand he crawls into my disabled brother and sleeps the deepest of rests.
I feed him, bathe him, cut his nails, grind his medicines, even make him smoothies,
âŚand he thinks Joe is the Opossum God.
I kiss him, love him, nap with him, and slip him honey-roasted peanuts,
âŚand he and Joe do a nightly Vulcan Body meld.
I make him Possum Pateâ and scrumptious delights, walk him nightly, and canât wait to kiss his nose,
âŚand within two minutes of Joe theyâre like a statue carved from critters.
WHATâS A FELLA GOT TO DO TO GET SOME LOVING AROUND HERE!
Photo and story credits: Tim Curtz
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This is not funny but very touching story.
Todays Kleenex Moment
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
"Hello Barry, how are you today?" "H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good." "They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?" "Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."
"Good. Anything I can help you with?""No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas." "Would you like take some home?" asked Mr. Miller. "No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."
"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?" "All I got's my prize marble here." "Is that right? Let me see it" said Miller. "Here 'tis. She's a dandy." "I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue, and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?" the store owner asked. "Not zackley but almost."
"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble," Mr. Miller told the boy. "Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller."
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, "There are two other boys like him in town, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store."
I left the store, smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and, while I was there, learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and, knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary, we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two had nice haircuts, wore dark suits and white shirts... all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light-blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
"Those three young men who just left were those boys. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size... they came to pay their debt."
"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided, "but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho."
With loving gentleness, she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds. Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles. A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself. An unexpected phone call from an old friend. Green stoplights on your way to work. The fastest line at the grocery store. A good sing-along song on the radio. Your keys found right where you left them.
Never be in way too much of a hurry to even notice the ordinary miracles when they occur.read more - https://viralquill.com/ageless-confidence-fashion-tips-for-every-generation/
âThis is Wesley, he is a Cashier at Walmart in Sydney River, and he made my day today!
I rolled into the store and asked a clerk if I could get some assistance with picking out a few items. I could see this young guy beyond her checking out a family, and before the clerk could respond, he said, âI will help her (me)â. As we shopped, I learned a little bit about him. His name is Wesley, and he has been working at Walmart for 10 months. Wesley was from Glace Bay, but could not find employment there, because he has a disability (he has a mild form of Cerebral Palsy and a slight limp).
He was so grateful to Walmart for giving him an opportunity to prove that beyond his disability, was a lot of ability. I was taken up by his enthusiasm, and asked him if I could take his picture and share his story. Of course, he agreed!
I am hoping that you will share this story; and that other people with disabilities will be given the opportunity that you were afforded, Wesley. Kudos to Walmart, for believing in him!â
Credit: Marcie Shwery-Stanley
My daughter Bekah passed away 1 year ago from an unexpected asthma attack causing her to go into cardiac arrest.
She was alone in her apartment when it happened and dialed 911 herself.
They were quickly able to reach her and bring back a pulse but she coded a second time in the ambulance.
After 9 days in the ICU she was totally unresponsive to any stimuli and they called a time of death although she was still âaliveâ.
She was an organ donor and helped to save 5 people. A friend of mine had a vivid dream of my daughter in where my daughter walked in the room looking very much alive.
He shouted to me âBekah is aliveâ She looked at him and said âno, Iâm here to give my heart.â She then walked up to a child and handed her heart to her.
My daughters heart did go to a child, a 12 yr old. Iâve struggled with the what ifâs and feeling guilty that she was alone when she passed. I worry that she was scared or that she felt pain.
Hearing some of the stories on this group help to give me hope that sheâs at peace and maybe she did choose to give of herself to help others.
I ask God daily to please give me a million signs of her presence until itâs my time to see her beautiful face once again. Bekahâs mom ~ forever 22 đŚ
Tonight I saw a post that said âwhat would women do with out usâ.. everything.. we would do absolutely everything.
Tonight I mowed my yard with my almost two year old on my hip. Why? Because she was not taking no for an answer and being a single mom of four I didnât have a choice.
She wanted her mom and it needed done.
I grew up without a man in the house. My mom was a single mom of 3 girls. I watched her work her butt off for many years. We did things on our own. We did all the yard work, we maintained the house, we did all the things a man could do.
So gentlemen keep in mind.. a woman doesnât need you. There is a big difference between want and need. When a woman takes time out of her day/night to talk to you or see you remember itâs because she wants to.
Ladies donât ever lose your independence or forget what all youâre capable of!
Credit: Courtney Irons
Tonight I witnessed an act of kindness which brought me to tears. We went out to eat at Cracker Barrel. As we were almost finished, we noticed an elderly woman sitting all alone, drinking a milk and waiting for her meal.
A million thoughts went through my mind. She looked so very lonely.. Is she widowed? Where is her family? Why is she at a restaurant at almost 8pm (which is stereotypically like midnight in old people time).
Also seated next to us were 3 big, burly, middle aged, blue collar, hard working, hungry men.
I asked Tom if we should buy her dinner or if we should go sit with her... then one of our boys did/said something which momentarily distracted us but when we looked back up, these big burly guys were moving the frail elderly woman to their table.
We continued to watch them interact. The woman was smiling from ear to ear, her face all lit up and she was just a-talking like she hadnât talked to another human in a very long time. I seriously was choked up, as was Tom.
As we left, we left them some money for their meal and Tom thanked them for restoring our faith in humanity... I snapped a picture but really, I will forever remember this moment..
Credit: Claire Senglin Richardson
If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas .
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park .
Judge #3 was an inexperienced chili taster Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI # 2 - AUSTIN 'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting smashed from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac!
CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
CHILI # 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I feel like I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILI # 7 -- SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be a bit distressed as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a gr***de in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Who cares; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili..
Judge # 3 - No Report
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