06/11/2024
🎯Full disclosure : I really hesitated posting this on FB yet I did on LinkedIn and was happy I did. This has nothing to do with yesterday as it’s a wider lens on having perspective and helping humanity. This has zero to do with politics. I hope this helps someone today. ❤️
Why didn't I pull the trigger?
✅Christmas weekend 2021 could have been the last page of the story of my life yet it somehow revealed itself to be the first chapter of an amazing book yet to be written!
The 1st picture is where I sat that weekend in my closet almost 4 years ago.
👉I was less than 3 months removed from burying my mom, Gerry (82)
👉I was less than 6 months removed from burying my wife, Prudence (46)
👉I was less than 5 years removed from burying our son, Seth (23)
You might as well throw in our cat, Opus (13) whom we put down the day prior to my moms death.
I was sick of death.
I was sick of living.
🎯As I sat, sprawled out in a fetal position, crying in my closet I pondered everything…..Age 55, loaded gun in my hand, imagining the pain that would go away and the freedom that I could be released from all this suffering, misery and torture.
Every time I closed my aching eyes I could see the sinister gaze of the abyss, its hypnotic beckoning call was pulling me closer each agonizing moment.
“Do it…do it now..” it would call to me..
It is the universal liar…The abyss that is..
Will anyone miss me?
Why have I failed so many people I love in my life?
How did I allow this to happen?
What could I have done better?
Am I just going to be another statistic?
Why do I feel so ashamed, guilty and alone?
I counted down from 10 multiple times..
10..9…8.…7…..6…..5…..…4…... ...3 ... …...then I would stop.
I did this for days.
✅I have to admit, had I been drunk or under the influence I would have ended it all. The fact I have not drank in 7 years has saved my life for many reasons, this being one clear one.
Why share this now?
I share this as I want you to know I understand what you are going through, I truly do and I am there for you.
That’s it.
I’m not looking for sympathy, pity or commiseration.
👉I have no degree in these areas
👉I have no fancy initials after my name
👉I have no patients or clients
I am just a dad from Iowa. If I can do this, anyone can. 💪
You got this and if you ever need someone to talk to, to listen and to support please reach out. Anytime…
319-899-3400 or [email protected]
I love you all ❤️
Jeff