24/09/2022
🗣📢LONG POST ALERT🚨🚨‼️‼️
My name is Jill and I’m an alcoholic.
(Hi Jill, Glad you’re here, keep coming back, welcome.)
Hey y’all hey!
I’ve been without a drop of alcohol since April 10, 2019 & I will ALWAYS be grateful for that. I started my sobriety with AA, and for the first while was truly sober. I didn’t even have s*x the first year! I have come here to admit that I am, no longer sober though.
I came into AA, lost and broken… an admitted, long time agnostic who strayed away from the religion forced on her long ago. It is my true belief that without the hopelessness that I felt in my alcoholism, I wouldn’t have sought help from a source greater than myself. I did, however & guess what: 💥 BAM… I FOUND HIM/HER!
SOUNDS AMAZING SO FAR RIGHT?
Here’s the conflict, my God came to me and said, “let’s get some help for your anxiety, your depression, your insomnia, let’s help you better manage those highs and lows you face due to emotional/personality disorders AND get you closer to me at the same time”. You guessed it… 🍃💨. I took that Good Orderly Direction & here we are.
Let me make this clear:
THIS GOES 100% AGAINST THE PRINCIPLES OF ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS. So essentially, my GOD and my membership to the group that helped me find MY GOD are mutually exclusive (Murphy’s Law)🤷🏾♀️.
A lot of people (familiar with sobriety) disagree with my decision to smoke because, “Weed is a gateway drug”, but I swear to you depression is a much worse one! It’s the one that started me on my journey to alcoholism all those years ago in fact 😂. People judge my decision based on opinion, rather than looking at the changes in my life.
Since I started smoking nothing has gone wrong:
I’m stronger… I’m wiser… I’m better… much better (I did mention that you I grew up Christian right)
I HAVEN’T mysteriously reignited my urge to drink.
I HAVEN’T stopped handling any of my business.
I HAVEN’T missed a damn beat.
I HAVE grown spiritually.
I HAVE grown emotionally.
I HAVE been putting effort into my own personal business endeavors (outside of my 9-5).
I HAVE gotten in shape and truly have the courage to change the things I can (which will only ever be me).
My hair IS growing.
My skin IS glowing.
And if you give me another good 6 months my abs WILL be showing (speaking that into existence RIGHT NOW🙏🏾🙌🏾🤣)
I HAVE grown more in love with me, as I’m now able to sit alone without feeling like I NEED to be around others. The funny thing is, the more I’m alone with me, the more I appreciate me, the more I value me, the greater my adoration for myself becomes, the more I choose me & choosing me will always mean abstinence from alcohol 🚫🥃‼️
I said all that to say this. My road to recovery looks different, but that’s because MY road paved for the comfort of MY feet😂. I LOVE me and this is my official resignation from people pleasing. If my smoking is bothersome to you, then you should probably continue praying for the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, because this is one of them.
“Secrets keep you sick” & we are out here thriving… not just surviving… what are you hiding😘!
Now, while I roll this GREEN, you can sip that TEA & the healing I got from this post was TONIC enough for me.
As always, love and light💜💫
