08/06/2024
Dear self,
I miss you a lot. I mean, I wish I could bring back the version of you that was still happy and whole. I wish you could still be that person who used to be confident and fearless. But most importantly, I wish I've treated you better.
I'm sorry.
For all the things that you've been through, I know it's not enough to just say sorry. I know how many times you begged me to love you, but I never listened to you. I know how many times you've been hurt by the ones you cared the most, but I never had much strength to comfort you. I despised you when everybody else have made you feel worthless. I hated you so much that I wouldn't even dare to take care of you. I was never been gentle to you; instead, I've hurt you many times because I never really loved your entire existence.
I'm sorry.
It took me a lot of time to finally look at you and embrace everything about you. And it took you so much scars before I realize that you needed saving. But now, I hope you understand that you are worthy— even how imperfect you are. Everything that made you sad yesterday, you don't deserve it. Everyone who made you feel worthless, and those who became the reason why you hated yourself so much, you do not deserve them. I hope you know that you deserve so much more.
Forgive me if I couldn't protect you when I was busy grieving each day. I forgot that you needed my love, too. I only watched you hurting and dying at the corner. Forgive me if I never came earlier to save you. Your smiles are gone now, and I could see it in your eyes that you're already tired. But I hope I could save you this time. I hope everything will get better soon.
And I hope it is not too late to finally love you.
— Shiori X
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