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"Waving to visitors while dressed in a large, ill-fitting bear suit, Mr Morrison said, “I have played no role and take n...
03/08/2023

"Waving to visitors while dressed in a large, ill-fitting bear suit, Mr Morrison said, “I have played no role and take no responsibility for any so-called Sun Bear scheme"

Disgraced former Prime Minister Scott Morrison has denied allegations that he is dressed as a sun bear at a Chinese zoo, describing them as “disproportionate, wrong, unsubstantiated and contradicted by clear evidence”. In a fierce speech from the Sun Bear enclosure of Hangzhou Zoo in China, the ...

Some advice for the editor of The Australian. (TLDR: She's just not that into you).
20/01/2023

Some advice for the editor of The Australian. (TLDR: She's just not that into you).

Dear Heart to Heart, I am writing to you in desperation, seeking advice on how to handle my feelings about a woman Prime Minister of New Zealand with whom I’ve long been obsessed. Her name is Jacinda, and she doesn’t even live in the same country as me, but I can’t stop thinking about her and ...

11/04/2022

Colleagues, we all know the jernalisms aren’t getting any easier, so I’ve compiled this useful guide for lazier hacks to make it easier. Should …

Agent SloMo and the China Scare. "There really is a senior Australian politician who is serving Beijing’s interests in t...
18/02/2022

Agent SloMo and the China Scare. "There really is a senior Australian politician who is serving Beijing’s interests in this.
But it’s not Anthony Albanese."

At the end of his government, in the federal election of March 1983, Malcolm Fraser was so desperate to land a blow on the surging campaign of Opposition Leader Bob Hawke that he tried to fire up all the scares at once. And Hawke humiliated him by dismissing them all at once.

You know what would really give your day an atomic-powered kick off? Pouring a big ol' cup of coffee and sitting back to...
07/02/2022

You know what would really give your day an atomic-powered kick off? Pouring a big ol' cup of coffee and sitting back to read my free essay on procrastination and how to beat it.

N**e Victor Hugo knew something a lot of fully dressed authors never work out; when you strip everything away, like literally everything, underp…

Announcing The Big Jobs for Tiny Tots program!
21/01/2022

Announcing The Big Jobs for Tiny Tots program!

Standing amid the wreckage of an Amazon warehouse in western Sydney yesterday, the Prime Minister defended his controversial policy of allowing toddlers to work as forklift drivers. Mister Morrison pushed back strongly against claims that a number of toddlers, adorably swaddled in Hi-Vis onesies for...

20/08/2021

The graveyard of empires is not all razor-backed mountains and howling wasteland. There are hidden gardens and lush valleys between the arid Afghan heights, paddy fields and fertile tillage overlooked by ancient castles. Australian soldiers who fought in Khas Uruzgan recall the eerie dissonance of m...

02/10/2020

Everyone sort of remembers the pizza guy, but no one remembers the mobster. The pizza guy was Edgar Welch, a stupidly chivalric mouth breather possessed of an AR-15 and the righteous certainty that Hillary Clinton was making out like a bandit running a child s*x trafficking business outta the baseme...

25/09/2020

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