Orangeman Breaking News

18/02/2021

BREAKING NEWS: Senator Ted Cruz is now under investigation due to his role in the massive closure of roadways in Texas. It is alleged that Cruz, who moonlights as a snow plow driver, had taken the keys with him on vacation. A person with first hand knowledge adds "he has the only set of keys we have". This plow truck is the one and only plow truck in the entire state of Texas, known as UNIKORN-1. It is believed that this egregious oversight is why Texans are still unable to navigate their roads today.

Texas Sen. Ted Cruz has traveled to Mexico for a family vacation as his home state struggles with a weather crisis that has left much of Texas without power.

16/08/2020

06/06/2020

06/06/2020

14/04/2020

This:

10/04/2020

PSA: Stay Home Stay Safe
Does not mean you take it with you if it’s on wheels

25/03/2020

FIXING NEWS As new cases of the Corona virus continue to trickle in, many hospitals have taken drastic measures during this quarantine. Here on location in the isolation wing of J.Epstein Memorial Hospital, doctors believe the elevated temperature and humidity will help create a less than ideal setting for the virus. Also, our patients are all protected, shrouded individually in pods designed to allow air to pass through. We have also increased the length of the quarantine period from the recommended 15 days to 21 days. Stay tuned for our local messages.

24/03/2020

As like many other countries and states that have gone into lockdown nature is beginning to come back out and reclaim its natural habitats.
For all of our hunters out there looking for a quick meal this is spectacular by making city hunting a novelty for everyone again!
Remember that all animal lives matter and most go really well smoked for several hours and slathered in a mesquite barbecue sauce.
Happy hunting everyone!

24/03/2020

Facebook won't let us boost any of our posts. So be sure to like, follow and share our posts. We have to spread the laughter organically. 🙄

24/03/2020

REGIONAL NEWS In Chicago, the murder rate took an unexpected decline over the weekend. The covid-19 virus has caused warring clans to ponder the meaning of life. In a drastic change of heart, they have decided against murdering one another and will instead collaborate on a new music video. Their new hit, kumbaya, expected to be released sometime in the fall of 2022.

24/03/2020

BREAKING NEWS The Democrats are leading the charge to protect the American family during this crisis. In their bill to provide relief to the American people are such things as $35 Million dollars earmarked for the Kennedy Center for performing arts. The speaker of the house said "it is of the utmost importance that we pass this bill with these provisions. These people are working on the front lines in the development of this vaccine".

Every time the country faces a crisis there is a rush in Congress to pass massive bills that go far beyond responding to the matter at hand.

24/03/2020

BREAKING NEWS Live from our political corespondent, Sammon Toofak, who is onscene at the Whitehouse for us this morning. There appears to be outrage this morning that United States President Donald Trump is once again drawing some much deserved negative publicity if the allegations are true. It is alleged by the Democrats' that things have gone completely dark outside because he forgot to pay the AEP bill last month. The senator from California rages on that had he spent less time at the golf course, mowing the grass, that we would be able to see. While we have not been able to confirm the validity of this claim, some scholars we have contacted have pointed that this is just a normal phenomenon known as nightfall. We will continue to monitor the situation and report back with any updates, stay tuned to Orangeman Breaking News. Now a word from our sponsors.

24/03/2020

Thousands protest "large gatherings" in New York city, leader of the group states "it's time to self isolate and stay at home people!" They said they will remain until every American business closes and everyone stays at home.

23/03/2020

BREAKING NEWS: Future United States President Donald J. Trump time travels to 2009 and depletes N95 masks.

The national shortage of N95 respirator masks can be traced back to 2009 after the H1N1 swine flu pandemic, when the Obama administration was advised to replenish a national stockpile but did not, according to reports from Bloomberg News and the Los Angeles Times.

23/03/2020

BREAKING NEWS: Former Vice President Joe Biden has officially declared his candidacy for the United States Senate.

While asking voters to send him on to the presidency, Democrat Joe Biden slips and says 'I'm a Democratic candidate for the United States Senate'. The gaffe ...

23/03/2020

23/03/2020

In sports today:
It has been reported that the new name for the blunt object used to hit the ball will be “The Big Hit Stick”.
The new phrase used as a person approaches the plate will be:
“Stepping up to hit”.
In a similar manner from the dugout, opposing players will be instructed to razz the person at the plate with sentences such as: “Hey hitter hitter; swing hitter!”
So as to not bring in any unnecessary negative connotation to the sport when play resumes in the spring of 2022.

23/03/2020

Entrepreneurs are now forced to remove the "Not for individual sales" sticker and market their inventory directly. Stay tuned.

What do you think?