When Love Doesn't Fix It

12/10/2024

Many children who have suffered deep trauma have narcissistic tendencies.

Both Kim and Naomi have experienced this type of behavior from our children.

16/09/2024

Lack of understanding or care is a hard pill to swallow.

29/06/2024

"Childhood trauma isn’t something you just get over as you grow up. Pediatrician Nadine Burke Harris explains that the repeated stress of abuse, neglect and parents struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues has real, tangible effects on the development of the brain. This unfolds across a lifetime, to the point where those who’ve experienced high levels of trauma are at triple the risk for heart disease and lung cancer. An impassioned plea for pediatric medicine to confront the prevention and treatment of trauma, head-on."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ovIJ3dsNk

27/05/2024

While the graphic refers to "she," this trauma truth applies to all genders.

Graphic credit: Beth Tyson Trauma Consulting

22/05/2024

"Apologizing is just another way a child from a hard background to manipulate the situation"

~Kim

20/04/2024

We didn’t create the situation in which these children have these obstacles, but we are the ones trying so hard to help them. And when they do act out, especially in public, it’s so easy to end up being the people being judged, when we are just trying our best!

01/04/2024

15/02/2024

Check in with your friends that have adopted kids from hard places. Send them coffee or their favorite treat. The loneliness that we feel is intense some days. We won't tell you about how hard it is unless we know you won't judge us. We don't want you to judge our children either. We just need you to see that it's hard, don't idolize us, and just let us cry as we advocate for our kids in ways that doesn't usually make sense to you.

Chocolate is helpful too.

08/02/2024

And.....we're back! We apologize for our absence! We recorded this episode before our break, but it was never edited and uploaded. We're recording again, so please let us know what questions that you have that you would like us to talk about!

This was record before the summer, but just uploaded!

01/02/2024

When you look at foster care from the outside, there are so many sad statistics, it can make you feel like you are powerless to help...

But, if you feel led, there are many ways to help children & families in need- they do need homes, yes, but their foster placements need rest and help also.

If you are feeling led to open your hearts to foster children, that’s amazing and you can definitely find a lot of resources through your state’s child services website to start!

Maybe you want to find a different way to help, because not everyone is called to be foster parents. And there’s no shame in that. It’s an amazing and also exhausting experience.

Thankfully there are other ways to help too-

💕 Become licensed or kinship foster parents

💕 Become licensed for Respite care

💕 Offer meals, babysitting or other help to foster parents (when in doubt, ask how you can help!)

💕Send Amazon or Starbucks cards if you don’t know what else to do! Give them a mental break because fostering can be long and hard.

💕 Become a CASA volunteer (Never underestimate the power of CASAs. In Naomi’s case their CASA stood by the kids through a 3 year case, helping champion for their needed permanency and was later awarded CASA of the year for their state!)

💕 Volunteer with organizations that help support families reuniting (There are a lot ways to support the birth families and please consider doing so because it touches the whole family)

💕 Donate to foster closets or pantries (or if you want to be like Kim, start your own!)

💕 Become a mentor to a foster child

💕Share with others to help spread the love! Share posts and statistics. Share kids who need adopted. Share Amazon wishlists for both sides of the case.

01/02/2024

We all carry so much. I don't need you to call me superwoman. I would love if you didn't judge how I carry the load.

30/01/2024

(((hugs)))

23/01/2024

Kinship care or fostering is basically unlicensed foster care. It is most often provided by a family member, usually a grandparent, but it can come in many forms.

Both of us were kinship fostering because the parents of our foster placement actually asked if we would help when their children had to be removed. Neither of us are related to the children.

Some states actually have the majority of their children in need placed in “unlicensed” homes. I’ve seen people say that’s an alarming statistic, but I choose to see it as positive- we all have policies and procedures we have to follow, and a case worker checks in on the children. It just means those children get to stay with family or friends, instead of strangers.

I get asked a lot how we got into fostering, and also why we aren’t licensed. Honestly, it’s a personal choice. The first time, we were told we likely couldn't be licensed due to our family size and the size of our bedrooms. This time, we're told it's an option.

There are many ways to become a foster home. If you are interested in fostering, a good place to start is your state’s department of children services website. It will detail what type of fostering is available in your state and how you can get started.

I’m so grateful we said yes to raising our little guy, and if God is tugging on your heart to start this journey, may you be blessed to find the right path for your family. 💕 It may be short term, or it may be long term. Likely, you won't know that for sure until you are well into the process. Regardless, you may be able to provide a loving and safe environment for a child.

23/11/2023

Holidays can be hard. There are triggers for many kids, but also a change of routine for the little ones. Then we, as the parents, have to decide which gatherings are safe, and which ones we'd just rather avoid.

(((Hugs))) to every foster and adoptive parent that is trying their best and making hard choices right now.

18/11/2023

When people who haven’t adopted give parenting advice to people struggling to parent adopted kids…

09/11/2023

From Naomi:

One of the hardest parts of adoption is people thinking it solves all your problems and life is now good.

Adoption is harder than foster care because you say yes to caring for and loving children who can’t go home. Who suffered immeasurable trauma. Who maybe can’t put into words what level of loss they’ve experienced, but their responses show they know.

And there’s no easy fix. It’s saying yes every day to a level of hard that doesn’t end. It’s knowing there may not be a happy ending and yet you show up, you love, you give boundaries, and you truly hope things will get better.

It’s therapy, and glares from strangers because your kids don’t behave typically. It’s people actually telling you “you just need to s***k them more”, when those children came from a home where domestic violence was an every day occurrence.

And every day, you wake up hoping today is the day things will be better. You keep going because you can’t stop. And you have to believe something will click and you’ll be enough.

But you won’t be. Because it’s so much bigger than you and your parenting skills or the trauma informed teachings or the theraplay routines.

Adoption, at its very best, on the best of days, is loss. And that is etched on their hearts forever. No matter how much you love them.