Whacky Quokka Weekly

26/01/2022

https://www.whackyquokkaweekly.com/post/boris-johnson-crisis-hits-new-levels

Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse for UK prime minister Boris Johnson explosive allegations have emerged that Boris Johnson visited Ibiza during the lockdown. Johnson has been in hot water since it emerged that he had hosted garden parties at Number 10 in the middle of the countries ...

10/01/2022

Nick Kyrgios the voice of reason.

When 2022 came in we where all thrilled that 2021, the year that was worse than 2020, was over. Yet one week into the new year we are turning to famous Australian wa**er Nick Kyrgios for wisdom. That’s right Nick Kyrgios.
The saga all began when world number one male tennis player Novak Djokovic decided to arrive in Australia without the correct visa, any sign of being vaccinated, possibly having Covid or all of the above.
It seemed all good and the government where happy until the entire country said “why can he come and my nan can’t”
Fearing a public backlash from the ever angry public prime minister Scott Morrison did what he does best. Tell a lie, then say he didn’t tell a lie and then claim to have saved the day.

Unluckily for Djokovic Mr Morrison realised if he made this a really big deal it might disguise the utter s**t show of his Covid plans. In his daily morning stand up meeting with his wife Jenny Morrison said “ I should screw this Djokovic guy and people will get behind me. I mean it’s not like it’s Roger Federer everyone hates this guy anyway” Jenny could only reply with shut up and do the dishes!
Sadly for Morrison although he correctly assumed people don’t like Djokovic it turns out they dislike him even more.
Enter the prophet of wisdom Nick Kyrgios.
Anyone who knows Kyrgios would know that he has called Novak a tool in the past and they haven’t been the best of friends.
Surprisingly Kyrgios came out backing Djokovic saying “he should be treated like a human and not put in an immigration centre”. He may not have heard of Australia’s reputation when expecting humanity from an immigration officer in Melbourne who only lives to put people back on planes!

Kyrgios explained “ He was there for us when our country was on fire so we should be there for him when he doesn’t have a green tick. Most Australian sports people would be too selfish to help in a bushfire crisis”
It's hard to know if Kyrgios was talking about himself when he mentioned Australian sports people.

Finally though Djokovic was released to crush some more Tennis players and win the open for the four hundredth time!!
All that stands in his way are some Australian players who he will beat without leaving his chair, some Russians with long names, Roger Federer now 61 years old and a crowd who will support anyone playing him.
Novak Djokovic universally loved by all!!
Happy Quokka!!!

08/01/2022

English cricket team spotted trying to catch Covid

In a bizarre turn of events the the English cricket team management has confirmed it sent their opening batsmen out into Sydney in the hope they catch Covid. Current Covid statistics show that it is a lot safer catching the illness than facing Australia’s bowlers.
When asked about it England opener Zac Crawley said he was concerned that he has so far not shown any symptoms of being sick. Crawley went on to say “ the pressure of the last few days has been extreme. Walking out to practice in the nets you can feel the pressure from management to at least have a cough by the end of the day” Sadly for Crawley he is still healthy.
Fellow opener Haseeb Hameed said he was being a bit more selective as to where he went. When asked he had this to say “ Personally I don’t see the point in getting the Omicron variant as there is a good chance I will be recovered by the Hobart test. I am looking to get Delta to make sure my tour is well and truly over and I can return home with my average of six intact”

The story caused outrage from broadcaster, spin great and general opinionated t**t Shane Warne. “ you cannot have respect for a team who would rather catch a serious illness than face up” the ex smoking fat man said.
Captain Joe Root fired back at Warne defending his openers right to get sick.
“ I think some of the boys know they would be a real asset to the team if they were in isolation’ said Root. He also went on to confirm they had put in a request that Root can bat seven times in each innings if enough players are sick.
The ICC have agreed this can happen but only if Australia are able to have Steve Smith bat seven times.
England have withdrawn their request.
It seems sadly it has reached rock bottom for England and there is nothing left to do but go to South Africa and see how many players they can find who might have an English grandmother and no future in their home team!!
It’s worked before!!