AFL Rumours With Absolutely No Merit

12/10/2022

3 years ago, we made a bold prediction about Willie Rioli changing clubs on a 4 year deal on $650k a year.

We may have gotten the team wrong, the timing wrong and the value of the deal wrong, but otherwise we nailed this in the same way Hawthorn didn't nail trade week.

RWANM goes BANG

CONFIRMED – WILLIE RIOLI TO THE ROOS IN 2020 ON A 4 YEAR DEAL

Source: Sam MaNure

Lock it in - Willie Rioli to the Roos in 2020.

That's right, North Melbourne have finally secured a big fish - and not just any old fish, but the crafty and elusive West Coast star who is making headlines with his deft moves, both on-field and off.

Rioli, 24, a proud member of one of the great football families – see cousin Cyril (30), cousin Dean (41) and uncle*** Daniel (22… how the f*** does that work?) – is said to be signing on the dotted line as early as today, having very recently (i.e. over the last 24 hours) received a big money offer from the Roos, potentially worth up to $650k per year, on a 4 year deal.

West Coast are said to be hesitant about offering Rioli a new deal in light of concerns regarding his capacity to put together a full season. Full credit goes to North for seizing this opportunity and offering this talented young man a contract which reflects the significant impact he seems all but destined to make over the next 4 years.

Expect details to be released in the coming days (subject to that witch hunt blowing over) – but don’t forget, you heard it here first!

P.S. What a f****** goon

*** To my co-admin, I got this information from Wikipedia, turns you're right and they are actually cousins. My bad.

07/05/2022

Hands up if you're going to jerk off to 2 Metor Petor tonight 🖐️🖐️🖐️

18/02/2021

If Facebook were an AFL team, it would be the Crows.

11/02/2021

If you actually like the Adelaide Crows then go f**k yourself

29/08/2020

PoOr cOoPeR lOl

16/08/2020

C'mon Coop, go get em'

13/08/2020

"Dear Stuey,

Why the F**K is 2 Metre the GOAT Peter not playing for us right now?

Play him next week or I'll release the noodz of you eating party pies.

Cheers.

Regards,

The King of the Coast"

10/08/2020

Yeh that follows.

10/08/2020

Holy f**k I can't wait to see what Coop has to say about this one

20/07/2020

Dummy. Spat.

15/07/2020

AFL: that's it, no more games in Victoria, we're moving to Queensland

Victorian team supporters: this season doesn't count, the premier will always have an asterix blah blah blah

Mighty Gold Coast Supporters: give us the f**king 🏆 already

09/07/2020

If Gillon had any sense he would hold the Grand Final at Metricon. All aboard the Gold Coast train 🚂

04/07/2020

Well its not like we needed confirmation that De Goey is a piece of s**t, but thanks anyway

28/06/2020

Genuinely couldn't think of a better way to boost my serotonin levels this Sunday night than by the Hawks f**king this one up

28/06/2020

The only thing which gets me harder than Matt Rowell is the Crows getting belted

27/06/2020

The dude is an actual psychopath. F**k St Kilda

20/06/2020

Hahahahaha, Geelong

20/06/2020

Growing up, I never thought I’d be in a position where all of the boys would be cheering on Collingwood. I guess that the effect that AFL News , Trade Rumours , Results has had on unifying everyone against the Saints.

Trash page 🗑

20/06/2020

Anyone really surprised that it was a Bomber that tested positive?

19/06/2020

Hawks smashing Richmond last light just goes to show that this season could be won by absolutely anyone... just not the Crows

13/06/2020

What a night. Up in Queensland we have the battle of the Coasts, meanwhile down in Adelaide we have battle of the cocksuckers.
Where is 2 Metre Peter?

13/06/2020

Melbourne & Carlton

Find two more deads**t f**king clubs, I challenge you.

12/06/2020

Anyone else just hoping Geelong and Hawthorn just f**k each other up? Both c***s

11/06/2020

If Thursday Night Footy was an object, I’d shelve it

15/05/2020

With all of these financial cutbacks, I'm genuinely concerned the AFL will get that fat chick from Triple J to do the Grand Final half time show again.

15/05/2020

So impressive has Gill's handling of the re-starting of the AFL 2020 season been is that he now looks set to join Federal politics, with both the major parties desperate for him to join their ranks.

Strong (but early) signs that he will be the next Labor Opposition Leader (with Bill the Communist as his Deputy).

14/05/2020

Reports are swirling that West Coast’s impending relocation to the Gold Coast for the 2020 season is actually the first step in a plot to merge the Eagles with the Suns.

Highly likely that Mia Fevola will be the inaugural captain of this new superpower.

13/05/2020

Alright gang, comment below with your favourite players and we will tell you whether they are elite or garbage

13/05/2020

If you ever wanted proof that South Australia is a s**t-hole, I refer you to:

1) The Kane Cornes v Taylor Walker feud regarding the latter's sloppy rig

2) The fact that neither the Crows nor Port's reserves teams are allowed to play this year (lol)

3) It is the birth place of Kane Cornes

4) It is so bland that even Patrick Dangerfield figured living in Geelong was a better bet than the Adelaide

I could go on, but instead I will post a photo which the haters will say is Photo-shopped.

12/05/2020

Sam and Caroline discussing whether a TikTok video was appropriate shows the AFL needs to come back ASAP, ideally this weekend. June 12 is too late.

P.S. Caro, please never again put me in a position where I side with Kane Cornes over you. Please.

'If we've got problems with that, we've gone way too far'

10/05/2020

Happy Mother's Day to 2 Metre Peter

08/05/2020

If you ignore the fact I've missed 1, possibly 2 teams, then this list is 100% accurate.

07/05/2020

Are the Adelaide Crows players really guilty of anything except trying to make the best of being stuck in f**king South Australia?

07/05/2020

In the interest of filling in the time between AFL re-starting and my employer realizing I'm non-essential because my time sheet is as empty as Fremantle's trophy cabinet, here is Part 1 of our 22 Part series entitled 'GOLD C***S - TEAM OF THE DECADE'. ***

Our criteria are as follows:

1. Must have played a minimum of 50 games.

2. Can be a current OR former player.

3. Must be a current player.

4. If they dogged us for some Victorian piece of s**t club, they are not welcome in my team.

5. They must be greater than 195cm in height.

6. They need to play in a ruck/forward position.

7. Lynch, Jaeger, Prestia, Ablett, etc. can all get f**ked.

AND ON THAT NOTE - Introducing our starting ruckman - Mr Peter Wright.

The highly regarded product of the Calder Cannons, whose achievements include being very tall and being drafted, joined the Suns via the 2014 Draft and hasn't looked back since.

Arguably the greatest game of his career came back against North Melbourne in 2012, when he kicked a record breaking 13 goals against the hapless Roos in a 117 point drubbing.

When asked for comment on that special game, Peter had this to say: "Sorry mate, I think you've got the wrong guy."

Ever the humble man, no doubt we'll be seeing a lot more of the great man in the coming days.

STAYED TUNED FOR TOMORROW'S EDITION!

*** There is every chance the novelty of this will wear off in the coming days/weeks and it will ultimately not be a 22 Part series.

06/05/2020

Hi all

Unlike most AFL pages, we have taken this time out to focus on ourselves - that is, we made a conscious decision not to overload your Facebook Feed with relentless 'Player of the Decade' polls (we're looking at you AFL Trade Parade - Updates and News), bizarre St Kilda -centric s**tposting (pretty obvious who this is a reference to) or spreading inappropriate gossip and innuendo regarding certain cross-dressing former West Coast stars (Scott Morrison (ScoMo)) (actually, that whole saga has been a real highlight of the last 2 months).

That all changes now (pic related).