Where did Joe go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
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The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
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Long story short. I just turned 24 yesterday. Day was well and good. It was a pretty nice bday. Hope u guys are also having fun. Peace.
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A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Do you have any last requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can you please hold my hand?”
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When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
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My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
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Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
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When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
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Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
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It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
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Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
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Do you know the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
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