Blue no Red

09/01/2019

Anichazeni yini chicken?

15/09/2018

Student: "Sir, can I have a question?"
Teacher: "Yes!"
Student: "How do you put an elephant inside a fridge?"
Teacher: "I don't know."
Student: "It's easy. You just open the fridge and put it in. I have another question!"
Teacher: "Okay. Ask!"
Student: "How to put a donkey inside the fridge?"
Teacher: "It's easy. You just open the fridge and put it in."
Student: "No Sir! You just open the fridge take out the elephant and put it in."
Teacher: "Ohhh... Okay!"
Student: "Let me ask another one. If all the animals went to the lion's birthday party, and one animal went missing which one would it be?"
Teacher: "The Lion of course, because it would eat all the animals there"
Student: "No sir! It is the donkey because it's still inside the fridge."
Teacher: "Are you kidding me!?"
Student: "No sir! One last question."
Teacher: "Okay. Fine"
Student: "If there's a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to cross, how would you?"
Teacher: "There's no way to cross. It would need a boat to cross."
Student: "No sir, you just swim and cross it because all the animals went to the lion's birthday party.

10/11/2016

02/11/2016

Convu between Irvin Khoza n his wife...
Wife: love wake up its 7..
Irvin Khoza : oh no sebekorile futhi?
Wife : no hun its 7 am

24/10/2016

If she comes wearing leopard print panties
and bra, make her sleep outside on the grass
next to the trees, who does she think she's
dating, TARZAN?

21/09/2016

Wena wawungenze njani???
Girlfriend giving house directions to her
Boyfriend:"come to the front gate of my
apartment where you dropped me,look for
flat 9A,you'll find a lift on your right.Then,
hit 9 with ur ELBOW...And get out of the lift
you'll find my flat on left.hit the doorbell
with your ELBOW & I'll get to open the door
for you"
Boy Friend: dear that seems easy but why
am I hitting buttons with my ELBOWS only?
Girl Friend: "OMG!! Are you coming empty
handed ???" O_O
Boy Friend: (speechless)

21/09/2016

USYANDA NENTOMBI YAKHE SYANDA:baby ngcela ungvakashela 2nyt
NTOMBI:ngeke nkwaz ngkhishwa isisu
namhlanje
SYANDA:hho usho kanje ngzokbamba
2 MOUNTHS LATER
NTOMBI:baby ngcela ungkhiphe phela
namhlanje syobuka i movie or syodla out or
anything plus i miss u
SYANDA:lalelake sthandwasam awtshele isisu
sakho sikukhiphe namhlanje mina ngeke
ngkwaz.

30/09/2014

Nangoke uPinky enza uNjabulo
iapril fool
umbhalela incwadi''Dear Njabulo
sengihambile ngakushiya
angisakufuni
futhi ungazami nokungifuna
ngoba ngeke
ungithole''ayib eke phezu
kwetafula
acashe phansi
kombhede,angene
uNjabulo athole incwadi
ayifunde athi uma
eqeda ukuyifunda abhale enye
naye
incwadi ayibeke phezu
kwetafula,abese
eshasha umlozi omncane
adanse.Athathe
ifoni acofe izinombolo'' Hellow
sthadwasami sesihambile lesi
scefe esiwu
Pinky sigcine sibonile ukkuthi
angisasithandi ukube
ngahlangana nawe
ngingakashadi ngangoshada
wena kodwa
akusenankinga ngiyeza lapho
kuwena
ngisendleleni ''avule umnyango
aphume
akhiye ahambe,aphume uPinky
phansi
kombhede ugcwele izinyembezi
useze
waba nanesbibithwane ekhala
athathe
incwadi ebhalwe uNjabulo phezu
kwetafula''Dear Pinky ngizibonile
izinyawo phansi kombhede
awuyeke
lomsangano owenzayo
ungenzele ukudla
ngisayothenga idrink.ungamukholwa lomunt ophumayo uyntombazane lolz

07/06/2014

20yrz after umshado. Aphaphame phakathi kwamabili umakoti, athole ukuthi owakwakhe akekho embhedeni. Avuke ayombheka, amthole ekhishini ehleli egqolozele i-album yezithombe zomshado.

"Baba kwenzenjani, wabuka i-album yomshado phakathi nobusuku kwenzenjani?" ebuza ekhungathekile.

Athathe athi umkhwenyan: "Uyakhumbula ubaba wakho esibhadama siganga emkhukhwini wakini?"

"Yebo ngiyakhumbula baba." Ephendula umakoti ebuyisa umqondo.

"Uyakhumbula ukuthi wathini kimi uyihlo?"

"Yebo ngikhumbula kahle baba, wathi ufuna ungishade noma uzokubophisa ubhadle iminyaka engu-20 ejele ngecala lokudlwengula."

Aphendule ngezwi lokukhala umkhwenyana athi: "Uqinisile. Uyabona, ngabe namhlanje ngiphumile ejele."

25/05/2014

UMiss Duma umhedeni omdala,utshela izingane(grade2) ukuthi uJesu akekho...
Miss Duma:"Klass niyalibona ibhodi likhona,niyalibona itafula likhona,niyambona uJesu?".
Klass:"Cha miss asimboni!!".
Miss Duma:"okusho ukuthi akekho".
Asukume uSihle owayemncane kunabo bonke, abuze iklass
athi:"Niyawubona umqondo kaMiss?"
Klass:"Cha asiwuboni!"
Sihle:"okusho ukuthi awukho", zamukha izingame ngensini u miss Duma..

25/05/2014

u Jabu kungokokuqala eya esontweni,uma efika ezwa umfundisi eshumayela uhlatshwa izwi lenkosi uyaphenduka uyakholwa,umfundisi useyamthatha uyombhabhadisa emfuleni,ufika umcwilisa emanzini kathathu ekhuluma ethi "ngikubhabhadisa eMagameni amathathu elika yise,elendodana nelikamoya ongcwele...kusukela namuhla awuseyena u Jabu kodwa usungu Joseph" uma sebeqedile bese eyahamba uJabu uphikelela ekhaya uma efika khona uthatha ibhakede(25 liter) uligcwalisa ngamanzi emva kwalokho waqonda efrijini wadonsa u bhiya I Black label wase eyicwilisa kathathu ebhakedeni emagameni amathathu elikayise,elendodana nelikamoya ongcwele wabe esethi kubhiya "manje awuseyona I 'black label' kodwa usuyi Guava Juice"

24/05/2014

Indoda yakwa GLOMAIL ifika
emzini wakwa Mhlongo iyangqongqoza
kuvule umama wakhona:
''sanbona mama,ngi promoter this
new vacuum machine,ngizochitha
bonke lobu bulongo(amakaka ezinkomo) obugcwele leli
bhakede.If ngingakhonanga
ukuk''cleaner'' ngizobudla bonke
(yasho ibuchitha bonke ku
'Carpet'.ingasezwanga nokuthi umama uzophendula athini)
Mama:''its a pity ke mntanam
selokhu safika lapha ekhaya
asikaze sibe nogesi, Abushone
emlonyeni ke lobo bulongo ndodana njengesethembiso sakho phela" esho eyovimba emnyango...

24/05/2014

Umfana omncane ona 9 years ugibele i taxi uhamba nobaba wakhe baphuma emakhaya ayikho i radio kule taxi abhoreke umfana acule "ukuba ubaba ubeyiqhude umama eyisikhukhukazi mina bengizoba yitshwele ukuba ubaba ubeyinkunzi umama eyi nkomazi mina bengizoba yithole",acasuke utaxi driver athi, "ukuba ubaba wakho ubeyisidakwa umama abe yisifebe wena ubuzoba yini?" aphendule umfana,, "bengizoba u taxi driver" bahleka bonke etexini.

24/05/2014

Usuku lokuhola efemini
Kwezwakala u spha engqongqoza e office ye boss

Spha: awungeke basi lemali onginike yona iyashoda ishoda ngo R200
Boss: angathi last month ngakunika imali engaphezulu ngo R200 kodwa awukhonondanga
Spha: ja ngalibekezelela lelo phutha lokuqala kodwa ngeke ngikwazi ukulibekezelela leli maseminingi amaphutha

24/05/2014

USthole ohamba nge BMW 5series uba sengozini yemoto ngenkathi etholana phezulu no Zinhle ohamba nge BMW 1series, zombili imoto zafa zaphela ngenhlanhla abalimalanga bakwazi ukuphumela ngaphandle baxoxe athi uZinhle "buka nje imoto zethu ziphele kanjan kodwa sasinda okusho ukuthi uNkulunkulu ufuna sibe abangani so ke asinga blame mintu kule nhlekelele esehlele asibonge ukuthi asifanga" aphendule uSthole athi "ngivumelana nawe nkosazane". Bese uZinhle acoshe ibhodlela le Bells whiskey elaliphansi eduzane nezimoto zabo athi "leli bhodlela lika gologo belise sihlalweni esingemuva emotweni yam njengoba lingafanga ngicabanga ukuthi uNkulunkulu ufuna siliphuze ndawonye" asho emukezela uSthole. Akabe esabuza uJobe walivula walithi nka walibeka emahlombe, waphinda walithi nka walibeka phakathi nendawo wase ethi umfoka Jobe "ewu kwathi dwi kwazisholo uhlanya luqeda kudlwengula" walibuyisela ku Zinhle ukuba naye ashaye ehlise ulaka, uZinhle walithatha ibhodlela walivala walibuyisela kuSthole. Abuze uJobe eseqala ukuba ntswantswa kwazise ugalele ngamandla athi "awu nkosazane awusashayi ne stiff nje wehlise itwetwe, uZinhle waphendula ngokukhulu ukukhululeka wathi "cha baba phela ukhumbule kuseza amaphoyisa manje angifuni angithole nginuka utshwala" gingqikiyane qulekiyane uJobe kaMatshana

24/05/2014

Morng friendz hope nilale grand,enjoy ur day

15/08/2013

Teacher: name anything that hv legs
Sipho:inja
Teacher:good
Khaya:honey
Teacher:honey don't hv a legs
Khaya:zikhona ubaba uhlezi ethi''honey vula imlenze uselele uKhaya

31/07/2013

Ubongani ungena eteksini,angene ashaye isicabha,bhaklaa!! Avele adinwe umshayeli:Wemfwethu wena uma uvala isicabha sefridgi lakwakho usishaya kanje? Ubongani ngomoya ophansi:ukuthi mfw2 angikaze ngivale ifridgi sengingaphakathi..ndakaa etexin kuhleka abantu..

26/07/2013

Intombi yami ingalile
coz she postd a picture of her Face on FB she got 5 likes and later she postd a picture of her ass she got 100 likes
manje mina kade ngimhleka ngithi mubi uhlulwa izinqe

18/06/2013

guyz u hv 2 read this ai

18/06/2013

UZONDI UNGENA EBHASINI UHLALA ECELENI KWESISTELA ELIHLE ATHI HAWU WAMUHLE SISI BENGICELA UKULALA NAWE ATHI USISI NGEKE UNGTHOLE NGFUNA UKFIKA EZULWINI NGSEYITSH*TSHI(VIRGIN) LEHLE ISISTELA ATHI ESEHLA UZONDI UDRIVER KANTI UBAZWILE BEXOXA AMUMISE UZONDI ATHI UYAFUNA UKULALA NALO NGEMPELA LELISISTELA ATHI YEBO ATHI UDRIVER UHAMBE UYE EMATHUNENI EBUSUKU NJALO LOYASISI UYAKHONA KOTHANDAZA UTHI UTHUNYWE UJESU UKUTHI ULALE NAYE ATHI UZONDI HAWU NGYABONGA
EHLE NANGEMPELA AFIKE EMATHUNENI EBSUKU AFICE USISI UYATHANDAZA UZIMBOZE UBUSO NGOKUMNYAMA NOZONDI UGQOKE OKUMHLOPHE UZIFIHLE UBUSO ATHI YEY WENDODAKAZI MINA NGINGELOSI NGTHUNYWE UJESU UKUTHI NGLALE NAWE AVUME USISI ATHI KODWA NGENZE NGEMUVA NGOBA NGFUNA UKFIKA EZULWINI NGIYINTOMBI ATHI UZONDI OK AZENELISE NGEMUVA AQEDE AZIMBULE UBUSO ATHI SUPRIZE IMINA LO OWAWUGIBELE NAYE IBHASI NESISTELA LIZIMBULE UBUSO LITHI SUPRIZE UMINA UDRIVER WEBHASI I'M GAY

18/06/2013

U Xolani no Thuli waye behlezi bethamele ilanga eBethal, wabuza uThuli,"Xolani ngokucabanga kwakho yini eseduze, phakathi kwe Zimbabwe ne Langa???"

Waphendula uXolani "Mxm, Uyayibona iZimbabwe njengoba ulana???"

18/06/2013

Usipho umngan kamshigo uneclinic manje usipho wayezoba nohambo wasethi kumshigo ucela emgadele usuku olulodwa kuyo leclinc ngoba engafun ukvala

Uthe mayebuya usipho useyabuza kumshigo "usale kanjan mshigo.
Mshigo:kufike isguli siphethwe yikhanda ngasnika i panado
Sipho:kuhle lokho
Mshigo:kwafika esinye siphethwe yisisu ngasnika umuth woku cleanr isisu
Sipho:kuhle fth lokho
Mshigo:kubese kungena omunye usisi wakhumula zonke iympahla walala wabheka phezulu wath una 5 yearz engamboni umuntu weslisa angimsize
Sipho:haw haw mdelwa nakhu uzongbophisa ,wase wenze njan
Mshigo:ngivele ngamfaka umuthi wamehlo emehlwe ni ngase ngimtshela ukth usezoybona ke indoda!!!"

24/04/2013

UMenzi, UMshigo kanye no
Nhlanhla batholakale benecala
bathola ideath sentence.
Kwathiwa uma nifuna isigwebo
sihoxwe yikhani ama fruits awu
10 nibuye nawo.
.
UNhlanhla washeshe wabuya kuqala
kwathiwa lama orintshi
sizowashutheka ezinqeni zakho.
Uma uke wahleka or wahlina or
wenza isound ehlukile
siyakubulala. Nangempela balifaka
elokuqala waqinisela, nelesibili
kwathi ukubanzinyana ,
elesithathu wakhala bavele
bambulala.
.
UMenzi wafika nama grapes
awu 10 naye bamtshela lokho.
Bawafaka, kuthe sebeshutheka
elesi 9 UMenzi wahleka ephela
indakazo. Naye bamubulala.
.
Ezulwini UMenzi no Nhlanhla
bayaxoxa . UNhlanhla uthi haw we
Menzi kanti ngampela
ubusuhlekelani ngoba buka
ngabe usindile waphuma ejele.
.
UMenzi wathi ngihlekiswe
ukuthi uyeza uMshigo
nophayinaphu abawu 10
kwaaaaa

11/04/2013

uNgozo njalo mayebuya eskoleni kuhlezi kukhona into azoyisho kumama wakhe.

Namhlanje uthe angabuya eskoleni elandwe uyise uGundi,umama wakhe wamumbathisa ingubo,wase ememeza uNgozo wathi" haw! Wemah ngicel ung gqokisa indunu ksasa ,ngizwe ngobaba etshela umngan wakhe eksen ethi lamakhaza adinga indunu,mangimbuza uthe kimi yijezi elinothile kakhulu indunu

11/04/2013

uMENZI ungena endlini yoklala kaMADAM amsebenzelayo ngaphandle kokuKnocker.

Abuze uMADAM athi"yey! WeMENZI ,awuKnock ngan?? Ubuzothini nje ukube ungene nginqunu Heh???"

aphendule uMENZI" ha ha haaa cha MADAM angsoze sdaloke mina ngangena unqunu,phela mina nguyaz cupha izikhala, ngiqala ngipopole embotsheni yeskhiye ukuthi unqunu yini noma ugqokile, uma unqunu ngyaqhubeka ngipopole uze ugqoke bese ngyangena"

27/02/2013

Man: I am getting married. How would I know if my wife is a
virgin? Doc : Get a Virginity test kit. Man: What's that? Doc : Get a Can of Red Paint, a can of
Blue Paint and a hammer. Man: What ? Are you mad? Doc : Paint your right Ball Red and Left Ball Blue and as you remove your underwear, if your wife says, 'that's the strangest pair of balls I've ever seen", Hit her head with a hammer!