In this episode, Kurt recounts an unusual dream.
He is seated in a circle of nuns, monks and other practitioners on the grass in the grounds of a temple. To his left there is a young woman of Malaysian appearance, around 20 years old. She is overflowing with joy, laughing and joking. Kurt knows that she is the head of the temple and also an arahat, an enlightened being.
Everything is covered in the warm purple, lavender and orange hues of a sunset. One feels so intensely peaceful and content.
The group starts to walk to the hall for the evening chant. A cloud floats by overhead, tinted with these same sunset colours. The cloud is symmetrical, and in the middle it has the face of the Buddha. “Surely this must be a good omen,” one thinks.
Reaching the temple and sitting down to pray, one picks up an unusual lotus flower. It has long indigo petals, something like that of a thistle, and they are again formed into the shape of the Buddha’s face, another good omen.
At times in our lives we might find ourselves in negative feedback loops, or vicious cycles. Our emotions run wild, and then we interpret them, and our interpretations lead us to more adverse emotions.
At any point in this process, we can become conscious of the emotions, the interpretations, or the impulse to continue the loop. Often just becoming aware of what is going on within us is sufficient to initiate positive, powerful transformation.
Just as with a tensed muscle, bringing consciousness to it might cause it to relax. Of course, some muscles are so tight that we must clench them in order to release them, and that too has an analogue with our emotions – “paradoxical intention” as described by Viktor Frankl i.e. when we try hard to feel an affect strongly, we will often feel calm afterwards.
For a moment we might find ourselves free from the haunting of emotions and interpretations. Then we can ask the golden question… Who do I want to be today?
Colombian singer-songwriter Darwin Grajales penned this lyric: “Cuando hay música en tu alma, la oye todo el universo.” When there is music in your soul, the whole universe hears it.
Many spiritual people, and even some scientifically minded, talk about the ideas of a fractal universe or a holographic universe. The idea is if you look at any individual part of the universe, you will find a kind of blueprint for the whole universe. The part contains the whole, and the whole contains every part.
Kary Mullis, inventor of the PCR process, said that by using the process, one could find “just about anything in just about anyone”, saying that it made him partial to the Buddhist idea that everything contains everything else.
If that is the case, even making a small change within ourselves might echo through all that exists. Doing whatever work or joyful growth to create music in our souls, perhaps it really will be heard by the universe.
As you sit in meditation, you might find that your mind starts wandering to some fantasy or some topic of the day. Perhaps you try to bring your mind back to the object, but find that your desire to fantasize is just too strong.
Then the temptation later is to scold yourself for not being focused enough, for not being able to set aside fantasies.
In many cases, and especially in the case of our own minds, we don’t need to struggle to change. Just as fertile soil, air, water and sun are sufficient to allow a seed to grow, being aware of ourselves is enough to create the conditions for change.
At first we notice the thought or whim that engages us. Then we notice the desire to continue with that whim. Then we might notice an impulse to create such a desire, becoming more and more conscious of subtle motivations which were previously hidden.
How deep might it go?
Getting caught up with life, we might go months without making the effort to feel what’s going on inside ourselves. When we do, it might even seem something foreign. We will likely find some kind of unease sitting in the background.
Now, you are invited to look within. Do you find some residue of past emotions, some grudge of which you haven’t quite let go? Some discomfort waiting, making a subtle noise like radio static?
We can begin to observe the feeling and texture of these emotions, perhaps giving them names in order to better understand them.
Then we check in on them from time to time, eventually finding that they have dissolved, and in their wake there is nothing but clear space.
When a political figure dies, people sometimes celebrate. In the case of Thatcher, they ever took to the streets and sang “Ding dong, the witch is dead!”. They ask, “Why shouldn’t we speak ill of the dead? Why shouldn’t we criticize those who have passed?” These are posed as rhetorical questions, but as with so many rhetorical questions they are excellent lines of intellectual inquiry.
These questions are an opportunity for the application of “Chesterton’s fence”, the rule that we should not destroy something well-established unless we know first what its purpose was.
The rule to not speak of the dead is corollary of the old-fashioned standard of etiquette – that we ought not to speak ill of someone who isn’t present. To speak ill of someone who is not present gives them no chance to defend themselves, and also no chance to resolve the conflict. Without such a chance, the target of our gossip is clearly at a disadvantage.
We can also see the effects of this personally in ourselves and in others who have this habit. When we gossip about others living or not, we can begin to ask “Right now, am I feeling light, calm, joyful? Or am I feeling bitter?”
Our Great Teacher Lord Buddha and many sages before Him told us that we only have three tools with which to interact with the world – our thoughts, speech and action. We may find that applying awareness and restraint to one of these often aligns the other two. In this case, if we control our negative speech, we may find that our unfavorable thoughts and actions are also subdued. Then perhaps we have a chance to think, speak and act in a way that is delightful.
Psychologist R.D. Laing used to tell a story of a prisoner who was sitting in his cell. One day the guards come and open the gate and say “Your time is up. You’re free to go.”
Unusually, the prisoner says “No, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving this place until I understand the exact circumstances which lead to my being here.”
It might sound strange, but many of us take a similar course of action when we find ourselves in depression, anxiety, or other unfavourable mental states.
We might not know how we got there… But we have the power to walk out.
In sales, people talk about the idea of “going first”, meaning that if you want someone to feel a certain emotion, you can feel it yourself. If you want someone to be happy, you can set an example by being happy. If you’d like people to forgive you, or themselves, you can be a model for that behavior.
On the flipside, if I feel sorry for myself or feel guilty for things I’ve done, others might follow my lead and blame me. And even if they don’t, it might color my perception so much that I believe they do.
The biologist Rupert Sheldrake proposed the idea of “morphic fields”. He believes that the universe is a creature of habit. When something happens once, it is more likely to happen again. And when it happens many times, it is much more likely.
When we assume the sweet responsibility of forgiving ourselves and others, could it be that we set a precedent for the universe, with our forgiveness echoing in every soul, ready to forgive more and more?
In many situations, we might find ourselves with a level of healthy stress – practicing yoga, in the gym, in our professional lives and even in our hobbies. The stress is good for us; it will help us grow. But if we only have stress, the growth can be more difficult than it needs to be.
The stress is the yang, the masculine energy. When we find a yin, or feminine energy, that can aid the growth. The yin can be the “spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down”, so to speak.
In yoga, we do a stretch and focus our breath and blood-flow into the tendons, relaxing as we are tensing. Or some of our muscles might be very tight in the moment, and the surrounding muscles are completely still.
In a pool hall, we might take the same shot over and over, hundreds of times, just like Minnesota Fats in Walter Tevis’s The Hustler. Our relaxed, welcoming attitude to the outcome provides a soft cushion for our successes and failures.
There, we find comfort in the uncomfortable.
As we go about our days, we might find ourselves lost in thought. We worry about whether we turned off the oven or the water heater, whether we will meet the deadline, whether people will like us.
Perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise that at some point during our day, suddenly there’s a burst of adrenaline from the sides of our spine, and we start to feel a little anxiety or even panic, wondering if there’s something urgent left to do.
In those moments, we can take a deep breath and remember… Maybe we will find the strength to face whatever arises, maybe we have that inner peace to handle all situations in the moment we require it. Maybe, in fact, there’s nothing to worry about at all, ever.
Maybe it’s nothing.
If you reflect on your life, you can probably remember many times when you said something you thought was rather innocent, and someone got very offended. Perhaps in the context there was a connotation which you were unaware of, or you just made a slip-up.
Likewise, you might remember many times you were offended, reacting quickly, assuming that you knew exactly what was intended.
Many times we react without knowing what a person meant – as we can’t know what is going on in someone’s mind before asking. It’s very likely that their comment was more innocent than we realized, as people are often involved in their own worlds, and can’t know ahead of time how their comment might be interpreted.
In fact, even when someone sets out to offend us, in a way they have a positive intention. To seek to offend you is to affirm that your opinion and your mind is worthy of attention.
