The Tuck Shop Murders

20/03/2024

I rarely feel compelled to share my thoughts about a concert performance I've attended, preferring to leave it to my more qualified mates such as Glenn A Baker. However, if you do get the chance to catch Graham Nash on his current Australian tour, I urge you to do so. Normally I'm loathe to witness my heroes as mere shadows of their former selves (with all due respect) but Graham Nash and his accomplished band left me and a capacity crowd at the Opera House Concert Hall, in raptures.
The presence of a Hammond B 3 with Leslie speaker on stage piqued my attention as we took our seats and Nash took to the stage in a unpretentious manner, reminding me of a description of him from a decade or so ago as looking more like a fit former footballer than a septuagenarian music legend. The legend is 82 now and his voice is remarkably strong. No flights into the spectacular
triad harmonies of the CSN&Y days, they were left to his excellent young side men, but his personal catalogue together with those of his peers were delivered with aplomb.

His remarkable personal journey was related in a humorous but humble and deferential way;
“It was 1965 and Allan Clarke my band mate in The Hollies and me were told about this 15 year old kid called Grahame Gouldman who wrote hit songs” (Bus Stop, Look Through Any Window) … “So I hopped on a train bound for Morocco and there were these American ladies in first class with blue hair – I'd never seenTHAT before!” ( Marrakesh Express)... “ I said to Joan (Joni Mitchell) when we got home, Its a bit cold so, I'll light the fire while you put some flowers in the vase you bought today” (Our House)... So this Hawaiian dope dealer bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't write a hit song before I left the house, so I thought allright. ( Just A Song Before I Go).

The CSN&Y catalogue was well represented - the Hammond B3 rippling with all its glorious “Leslie tremolo” through the solo in Love The One You're With and for me a personal highlight - a note perfect Find The Cost of Freedom. Four or was it five standing ovations and a calls for fourth encore. Graham looked at the boys, nodded and said why not... OHIO!

I must thank my lovely wife Jennifer who purchased the tickets as an anniversary present. It was a very special night!

14/03/2024

So David Littleproud and "Outback Pete" Dutton have offered to take teenage gang members into the desert to "wrastle" King Browns and wild dogs! I've got dibs on the Reality Series. Need a host ... mmm wonder what Clive Palmer is up to?

01/12/2023

I’ve come up with a brilliant plan to solve the Rozelle Spaghetti Interchange debacle. Simply open up a couple of unused lanes at Drummoyne Swimming Pool and allow commuters to freestyle their way to the city.
Exercise benefits aside I think that the sight of thousands of colorful, latex capped heads, bobbing their way under Anzac Bridge would provide a welcome distraction for those motorists “parked” above. Future additions could include a dedicated “Barge Lane” for goods delivery and perhaps even a catapult ( a la Roman seige style ) for those in an urgent. Please feel free to add your suggestions as I’ve got an appointment with The Minns government … if I can find an obliging Hot Air Balloon pilot to drop me off.
Cheers Dears.

14/10/2021

Happy 200th to all our Tuck Shoppers, in particular Emma Leonard, Sara Stone, Simon van der Stap, Jo Bryant, Sean Martindale and Geoff McGarvey. Five original episodes up and running and there is another series on the chopping board. Here's a little background on our delightful Nigella. Emma Leonard Jo Briant Sara Stone Simon van der Stap

Meet Nigella.
Described as one of the seven most intriguing women in history*, Nigella has everything a woman can possibly want and has given most of it away. Her talent for re-invention is, to use her own words, ”unparalleled” and thats only one word so she'll think of some more later.

Tiring of her life as the poster girl for London's glitterati, she fled the city with her two small boys and a much younger husband – who subsequently disappeared. Undaunted, Nigella has channeled her boundless energies into her memoirs, re-inventing Cordon Blue Cooking (literally from nose to tail) and finding her husband – when time permits.
It's safe to say that life in the little hamlet of Nottlikely has never been the same since the day Nigella arrived.

*The others are Cleopatra, Catherine the Great, Jane Austen, Twiggy, Tamar The Great of Georgia and Martha Stewart.

06/10/2021

The Tuck Shop Murders Episode 5. Publish and be Damned is streaming now. Here's a little background on one our most beloved characters, Mother Teresa (no the other Mother Teresa)

Born in Castille, Spain 1540, Odessa, Ukraine 1757, Berlin, Germany 1918.
Theresa von Staffenberg- Ilyich-Ulyanov-d'Aragon entered a Carmelite monastery at the age of 7 and didn't emerge for a very, very long time. In the mid 1970's she arrived at the gates of the Nottlikely Abbey in a 1934 Mercedes Benz Waffen SS Staff Car, claiming it in the name of The Little Sisters of Chastity. In a remarkable turnaround the Abbey, which had lain in ruins since the 17th century soon became a popular “retreat and moral rejuvenation centre” catering primarily to the Vatican Council of Cardinal Advisers. A keen amateur sleuth who claims to have honed her skills during the Spanish Inquisition, Mother Theresa is said to be composing her memoir entitled “Who Dunnit?” which will reveal the truth behind The Kennedy Assassinations, The Ripper Murders, Black Dahlia, Jimmy Hoffa, Tupac Shakur & Biggie Smalls and even “Who Shot J.R.”
When quizzed about her multiple birthdates she will reply enigmatically.
“Virgin births don't really count, do they?”

Preferred Music; Gregorian Chants (played backwards)
Recreation; DIY Stigmata

17/09/2021

The Tuck Shop Murders – Meet Hilary

After majoring in political science at Wellesley College, she graduated Juris Doctor from Yale Law school where she was also a Cheerleader for the Chess Team and invented Lap Dancing during a particularly boisterous Sorority party. “ I didn't have any choice,” she told Oprah Winfrey, “ I was legless at the time – no one told me Midori was alcoholic.” Anyway Hilary and her husband Bill settled in Nottlikely after a series of “unfortunate incidents” left them no choice. The village has embraced Hilary, respecting her human rights advocacy and social justice stance whilst steadfastly avoiding anything she has cooked. Hilary is unique in Nottlikely as her husband is the only man who hasn't disappeared. However she keeps him in the cellar out of “respect ...and necessity.”

You know, in a perfect world Hilary would be standing at a White House podium, forgetting Crocodile Morrison's name and selling us invisible nuclear submarines.... but naah!

Hilary: Jo Briant
Nigella: Emma Leonard
Bill: Simon Van Der Stap

15/09/2021

Greetings Tuck ShopperS! It's almost time for the new NEW "nOrMaL", Episode 5 of The Tuck Shop Murders - in which we blow the lid on Cold War espionage, reveal the REAL* truth about self publishing a best selling novel and share the hitherto hidden secrets of a damned fine Coq au Vin - is about to hit the Webiverse.
"Bait your breath" or "Abate your breath" (The jury is still out), pour yourself something special and downloaaaaad!

* As in Murdoch Press real.

23/08/2021

23/08/2021

Shaun Martindale as Courtney

21/06/2021

It all started like this?! Entree to The Tuckshop Murders...

27/05/2021

26/05/2021

If you haven't dipped your toe into the murky bouillabaisse of Nottlikely, now's the time to take a slurp. Rejigged the site so the Episodes appear in the correct order (whereas previously it was like ordering Yum Cha).