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24/07/2023

Her: baby I am...
Him: what?
Her: I'm pregnant.
Him: who is the father?
Her: it's You.
Him: but babe, we hadn't made love Yet.
Her: it's true, this child is not Yours. But I love You.
Him: OK I understand, this is Your ex's child.
Her: Yes.
Him: I will take care of this child as if it were my blood.
Her: wow thank You babe, I love You.

Keep reading, I know if it was about God, You were going to ignore.

God: today I am proud to see my children.
Satan: what children?
God: those who read this message.
Satan: those who read are also my children.
God: Okay, let's see who they belong to.
Satan: Okay, very good. You'll see, my kids will scroll without saying anything.
God: my people will say "God is great" and they will share this to 10 different Facebook Groups

23/07/2023

God have purpose for everything. 😆👇👇👇👇🤔🤔🤔

23/07/2023

Polisi ako sawa ama 😋🤪🤔🤗
👇👇👇🏹🛠️

22/07/2023

A woman's S€X organ is dry but when a man touches it, it gets wet.

Conclusion: A man refreshes a woman's life..

A man's S€X organ is soft but when a woman touches it, it gets hard.

Conclusion: A woman makes a man's life hard..

Nani anakubaliana na mimi🖐️🖐️✋✋✋

21/07/2023

BREAKING NEWS ‼️♨️⏳

Next week Monday will be my last day here on Facebook. I'll be traveling to England to study medicine and I'll be there for 6 years. I'll miss you so much guys. May God be with you all. Please forward this message to those who know me. I've just forwarded as I just received it. I don't even know who's traveling.🤣🤣🤣🤝

21/07/2023

K**a unamjua mpe likes na umgotee🤜🤛👊👊⚔️
Twende kazi👇👇👇👇👇

20/07/2023

Kujeni mnipige😂😂
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😂🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶

20/07/2023

Wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:

- Super Woman
- My Love
- Woman of my dreams
- Princess
- Sweetheart
- Honey bunny

She got angry and called the first number and her hubby's mom answered. Then she called the second number and her hubby's elder sister answered. When she dialed the third number her own phone rang. She called the next one, it was their daughter's phone.

She called the next one and it was her own mother and then she called the last one it was hubby's junior sister's number.

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her 'innocent' husband, so she gave him her whole month's salary to make up for it.

*Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as "Mechanic”🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This gender will not see heaven
Remember to like 👍👍 my good people

20/07/2023

Hatujakataa uko university lakini mbona ukuje matanga na laptop 😠😠

20/07/2023

The real love 💕💞💖💋💋💋💋👌
💪👇👇👇👇👇💯

20/07/2023

🤣🤣🤣👏👏🤫🤫❌❌👇👇

20/07/2023

💔FAKE PROFILE 💔.....(Part 1)
Msisahau kulike wakuu🤝🤝
Ulikua usiku WA manane nilipo shtuliwa Kwa usingizi na Sauti ya massage 😳😳..Niliamuka Kwa uchovu juu mchana nilikua nimefanya Mjengo Bana nililala nikiwa nimechoka Sana😂😂💔...hata hivo niliamua Kuangalia Nani huyu amenitumia massage Sahi😫😫Kwanza Kuangalia Kwa saa zilikua around saa Saba usiku😳😳...Nilichukua simu nikaweka pattern...Kwanza kuweka pattern simu yenyewe ikazima😂😂💔..nilikua natumia kale kasimu Ka neon kicker na betry haikua inajishika vizuri 😂so ukitingisha Tu simu na inazima..hata hivo nilifungua tena nikaweka pin kisha nikaamua kuona Nani huyo alinitumia massage 😫😫..Kuangalia sikuona Massage yoyote..kumbe niliwacha data ikiwa onn so ilikua notification ya Facebook ndio iliingia...Niliingia FB nikaona notification eti"" Maria send you a friend request "...wueee nikaenda pale Kwa friends request nikaona huyo Maria kweli amenitumia friend request...Niliboeka hata nikajiambia sa hawa watu wanatumia watu friend requests usiku wanataka aje ??kwani ni wachawi ama..??Sahi watu wanalala Bana..

Hatahivo niliaccept friend request zote kisha nikazima kasimu nikalala...Asubuhi nilipoamuka nikaamua kuingia Facebook kidogo atlist nipitie pitie hizo memes za Darale ziniundie siku😂😂...Kuingia Tu hivi Fb nikaona nimetumia massage..Kuangalia ni massage kutoka Kwa Maria 😫...""Hy handsome 🥰..am Maria .. what about??

Hey too am Ben..(nilireply) jamaa nilireply haraka🥰sikua nakumbuka mwisho kuitwa handsome Bana😂😂Baada ya kureply Niliamua kuview profile ya Maria nione pic zake Kwanza.....walai kuona Tu pic za Maria nilijipata rungu ya moi ishasimama🙆😬🍆..Mnasemanga urembo mnakosea...the lady was the most beautiful lady I have ever seen tangu nizaliwe🥰🥰..alikua brown..Meno ya White..dimples na mwanya Kwa Meno😬🥰....enyewe Sikuamini k**a huyu ndio ameniita handsome 🥰...kidogo kidogo nikaona akareply 🥰..nikajua Baasi..Leo hata naona nikikosa kuenda kazi ndio nipate Mda mzuri WA kuchat na huyu malaika Maria🥰🥰......

20/07/2023

Kuna siku nilikua na enda Mombasa😂Sasa nikiwa Kwa ndege ✈️tulikua tumekaa kiti Moja na mzungu flani hapo 😂😂mzungu akawa ananiangalia sana 👀👀nikamuuliza mbona ananiangalia Hivio akanijibu Hivi
👇👇
"k**a kunawatu wajinga duniani ni nyinyi wa africa haswa kenyan's 😂😂😂nikaamuliza Kwa Nini akaniambie ndio ujue nyinyi niwajinga ebu tuulizane maswali, nikishindwa kujibu swali lako nitakupea 200k, na wewe ukishindwa na swali langu unipe 1k ,Mimi naye ni nani nikasema Sawa😂😂😂😂mzungu akaniuliza Hivi
👇👇
"ni nchi ipi? ilishindwa kwenye vita kuu ya kwanza ya Dunia.? 🙆🙆🙆 Mimi nikatoa 1k juu sikujua😭
Sasa ikawa ni zamu Yangu yakuumuuliza nikamuuliza Hivi
👇👇
nikitu Gani kikienda juu kina miguu minne na kikirundi chini kinakuwa na miguu mitatu? Mzungu akafikiria akakosa jibu akanipea 200k👈😂lakini akataka kujua ni Nini hicho sana .
Mzungu akaniuliza Nini hicho kikienda juu kina miguu minne kikirudi kina miguu mitatu?

nikatoa 1k nikampa nikamwambia ata Mimi sijui

Sasa sisi na wazungu ni akina nani wajinga
surely😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

20/07/2023

Umecheki vile mke wa Babu Owino amestruggle kumtafuta hadi akampata. alafu sasa kuna wewe hapo ukipotea pia bibi yako anapotea 🤣🤣🤣😔

20/07/2023

relationship of Shantel and brayo Episode 20

si ikafika asubuhi yake na mapema kitu 5 asubui hivi💔💓nikaskia dady...wewe mschana amka ujiandae unalalia nani?? so mi sikuwa na otherwise but to awakeup and to inform brayo about the incident...so brayo kuskia hivo usingizi ikamwishia...akanipigia na kunishow nimpee number ya my dad..si nikampea..alafu nikamsho asimwambie that ni mimi nilimpea hiyo number💓💔.kitu 5:20 hivi brayo akampigia my dad simu na kubonga naye...my dad alibishana na brayo....brayo naye ni nani💔💔haogopi mzee💔💔akamsho nikipata mtoto wangu ametolewa nitakupeleka polisi💔💔dad kuskia polisi na venye huwa anaogopa kulala kwa polisi💔💔.kwa hasira na sauti ya juu ...wewe mtoto toka kwa nyumba yangu na uende kwa huyu mjinga unaita boyfriend.sijaiona watoto wanaoana na ni mandugu💔💔

dad alinifukuza home asubui na mapema...mum alijaribu kumconvince but alikataa..si mimi na virago zangu nikatoka na kuishia...nikamkol brayo na kumweleza nimefukuzwa..💔brayo akaitikia na kuniuliza k**a dad amenipea transi.si nikamsho ajanipea💔💔si brayo akanitumia transi na ya breakfast..at 6:40am nikaabiri bodaboda na kunipeleka hadi tao ambapo sikukaa hata juu nilikuwa nahisi kuchoka...nikapanda gari moja kwa moja na kuelekea kwa brayo..nikafika kwa kina brayo kitu saa tano na nusu hivi..brayo akanikaribisha na kuniintroduce kwa wazazie na kaka na madada zake.nikapewa kiti niketi kisha nikaletewa chai na mkate aina ya chapati.si nikakunywa chai huku wazazi na madada zake brayo wakinionea huruma kwa tukio liliofanyika nyumbani💔💔nikaamua kuwauliza waniambie ukweli k**a mimi na brayo tu wandugu....mamake brayo alikana na kusema babake brayo ndio huyu hapa.mr peter njenga..county commander officer...sema kushtuka kuskia hivo...kumbe wazazi wa brayo ni wadosi hivi...nilifurahia hadi sikuuliza k**a mom wa brayo amewaipendana na my dad...so si nikakaa kwa kina brayo...my dad ajainipigia simu kujuwa hali yangu...only mom was calling me each and every

19/07/2023

MWANAUME:

DALILI 7 ZINAZOENYESHA UMEPUKINGIWA NA NGUVU ZA KIUME.
1) Ukienda safari moja mwili wachoka alafu unahisi usingizi.

(2) Sehemu za siri zinasinyaa taratibu baada ya goli la Kwanza.

3) Mwili unahisi ganzi pamoja Na sehemu nyeti.

4) Hamu inakata gafla baada ya kutoa manii ( sperms)

5) Nyeti zinasimama vizuri lakini ukitaka kuingiza Kwa mwanamke zinasinyaa. Hapa wengi hudhani wamerogwa.

6) Ukishindwa kurudia mara ya pili baada ya goli la Kwanza. Machine inakata moto haisimami tena hata ufanyeje inazidi kulala.

7) Machine kulala ndani ya nyeti za mwanamke wakati upo katikati ya mechi, mzigo unalala gafla Na kulegea ndani Kwa ndani.

Kwa maelezo zaidi dm me

19/07/2023

Bahati's message to people criticizing him

"😂😂😂 Unaongea mbaya nanime ivaa kuliko Dem Yako 😂😂😂😂"

19/07/2023

🤣🤣🤣 akijarubu tu hivi🤣. mention that guy 🤣🤫🤫🤫👇👇

19/07/2023

Ringtone Apoko calls out Bahati for dressing like a female.🙉🙉🤣🤣🏃

19/07/2023

Mention that teacher and run away immediately 🤣🤣🏃🏃🏃🏃⚔️🔥

18/07/2023

Back in high school, i was very poor in maths during exams nilikuwa napata kati ya 4%na 10%🙈. The results used to be announced from the lowest maark's to the highest marks,, so nilikuwa wa kwanza ama wa pili kuitwa🤨 alafu napokea viboko kadha 🙁
So one day the maths results were announced and my name wasn't among the first to be called 🤜🤛,,, so mwalimu anaendelea 30% 40% 50% 60% 70% bado jina langu halikuitwa, kila mtu Kwa class akaniangalia👀,, wanauliza "humepitaje huu mtihani?"😝,nikasmile nikasema "Ni mungu tu " by the time alifika 80% I was already grinding in excitement . Wakati alifika 90% alikuwa amebaki na paper moja tu😁🙌,, saa mungu amejibu maombi na ndoto yangu ya kupita maths imetimia 🙏,, class mzima walishanga na kuniangalia 👀,,, finally mwalimu akaangalia juu na kusema
"One idiot did not write his name and scored 0% I just fainted😂😂😂

18/07/2023

kujeni na note books muandike type of men...
1.KIKUYU MEN🙄
-Akikuvisit atakuja na shopping ya 200 na upike supper aseme ye ako Sawa akose kukula then Kwa bed aende 3seconds amwage alale then aamke mapema akubebe TV na simu akiendaga🏃🏃 usisahau wao huvaa tukofia tumefura hapo mbele 😂
2. LUHYA MEN☹️
__Atakuja kwako bila chochote apate maziwa yako hapo akunywe upike ugali akule yote usiku akulime propa adi morning ushindwe kutembea then akuachie 100/= na apromise kurudi tena siku ingine 🏃🏃
3. KISII MEN😐
__Atakuja kwako na ndizi alitoa ushago, akifika aanze na Ile imeiva akule nusu yake then upike Ile mbichi akule yote, halafu wanakuaga wengi wa SDA sasa usiku utakula propa pia halafu aamke 5 aanze kukupigia kelele umpee fare na pesa ya mchango ya church 😂😂🏃
4. LUO MEN😒
__atakuletea shopping ya 20k akuromance yake yote 😜wakuagi wametahiri 😒usiku akukule 5 minutes mlale akiwa amekuhold tight morning akupeleke out urudi na shopping ingine plus ukimwi Ka bonus 🐍hawakuagi wamejenga nyumbani 😥
5. KAMBA MEN
__atakuja akishatoka Kwa mwende then akuletee shopping ya 500 kakukule kidogo kalale kwako wiki mbili.............
6.KALENJIN MEN🏃
__Atakuja mbio akinuka jasho akupee thao mbili mbuy shopping na supper na kukue na mursik hapo then usiku akungonganishe Meno Ka panga za Kung Fu ⚔️ in the name of kiss then atolee boxer Kwa blanket then pa pa pa pa "songa huko utanivinya kivua " morning aamke mbio aende kukamua🙆🙆
Ni hayo Tu Kwa sasa asanteni 🏃🏃🏃🏃
Wenye nimeboo mnisamehe

18/07/2023

Na faint mbele ya duka yako halafu unaniletea maji kwani huna soda😒🙄😩😹

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