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07/01/2021
"Most people like to wait a long time to decompress the trauma of a worldwide tragedy, but we want to capitalize on this...
03/04/2020

"Most people like to wait a long time to decompress the trauma of a worldwide tragedy, but we want to capitalize on this before people forget. Because the pandemic hasn't really ended yet, we're just gonna go ahead and have Mark Wahlberg save everyone by creating a vaccine in his home lab."

"Blockbuster fans will be happy to hear that we are joining the streaming market before it's over saturated. To simulate...
01/04/2020

"Blockbuster fans will be happy to hear that we are joining the streaming market before it's over saturated. To simulate an authentic "video store experience", we have limited quantities of streams available for each movie. For example, if 6 people are already watching The Invisible Man, that film will be shown as OUT OF STOCK. We will have a much higher quantity available for bad movies.

You will receive a sweet retro plastic membership card in the mail each time you select a movie. Just input the unique 17 digit access code each time and you're good to go. If you don't input the code within 30 seconds of receiving it (as confirmed by our tracking information), you will be charged a fair late fee of 20x the value of the collector's edition Blu-Ray. Memberships start at $49.99 per month for 2 rentals per month and can not be cancelled."

"At this point I don't even care anymore. Being quarantined in a state of the art, multi-million dollar mansion has real...
01/04/2020

"At this point I don't even care anymore. Being quarantined in a state of the art, multi-million dollar mansion has really put everything into perspective for me. Plus nobody cares about Sam Worthington anymore. He came over recently and I completely blanked out on his name. I had to ask the housekeeper."

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