My OCD Life - podcast

01/09/2024

12/08/2024

Shout to Laura Cagle for the excellent shots I got from a my session with Tristen Gressett!

31/05/2024

True spirituality vibrates on a high frequency & even "negative" emotions are used to reinvigorate it's high vibration.

High vibration is never fake. It is authentic life being released from one's unduplicatable soul.

Power can never obtain it.
Thus, it attracts power.

Riches can never buy it.
Thus it attracts riches.

Beauty can never obtain it.
Thus it attracts beauty.

High vibration is the highest currency.

It is the royalty of our God ordained life.

22/05/2024

15/05/2024

When the high vibration of divine love is dominant, it becomes the lens through which everything is seen & felt. All things become clearer & filled with the substance of the consciousness of divinely personal adequacy.

When the low vibration of religion is felt, the opposite happens unto permanent inadequacy.


Everyone

14/05/2024

God can't comfort you in areas you falsely comfort yourself in through emotional bypassing.


Everyone

13/05/2024

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers of the world! We literally wouldn't be here without you!

08/05/2024

Criticism is important. But what is more important is a positive vision that is the means of correction. Otherwise, one's criticism is just blind, self-righteous negativity. It is a lust for power in some form without the sacrifice and patience of self-examination.

06/05/2024

04/05/2024

02/05/2024

New episode resuming where the last one left off but also VERY different:

An experiment in "Life Force".

In this episode, Josh conducts an experiment with himself and the podcast. Total reliance on "life force". ...

01/05/2024

01/05/2024

The foundation of virtue is life.

Seeing & choosing to embrace this is love: witnessing & embracing that our nature desires truthful unity of wholeness that animates all boldness as a form of humility: it is being in awe of the divine life vested in us TO LIVE AS LIGHT.

This is NOT a life of virtue but THE VIRTUE OF LIFE. In cultivating this shift, trust in God & ourselves skyrockets.

Thus self-righteous distrust in ourselves only stands in our way.

29/04/2024

The usual suspects...

27/04/2024

I choose to be positive, not because the world is positive or that life is fair, but precisely because life is none of these things. I must create my world based on whatever good I have been entrusted with as a spiritual rebellion to this world.

The pursuit of safety & survival dominates most people's minds and impoverishes every soul to generic emptiness as a consequence. It is the heart that believes that this life is more than it's struggles that alone is able to transcend it's pain & learn what it means to individually thrive in intimate, unduplicatable joy within oneself with rich presence of light.

25/04/2024

23/04/2024

18/04/2024

There is rest in vision. A stable freedom in
being singular & in awe of the infinite.

16/04/2024

People misunderstand my many words as seeking to be intelligent. It's the opposite. I've gloriously discovered my predisposition to ignorance that, in making conscious, makes everything luminous & insightful to me.

Liberality of insight is not merely my attitude to life but life's attitude to me. I have only this unspeakable life force & the inconveniance of words, to share of this sacred experience within the walls of the temple of my heart.

Selah.

16/04/2024

Heard the sweetest John Lennon song in a dream last night. It was so "Lennon" that the thought didn't occur to me I was hearing an invention of my own psyche.

It would have been one of his best songs if it was real. At the moment, no fragment lingers in my mind musically or lyrically. Just the charming feeling of an amazing, simple-ish song from a complex man.

It was upper midtempo with pretty basic instrumentation. Gritty 60s distorted guitar where you can still hear the chords chiming when strummed. It carried that "sweet longing" feeling typical in poppy Lennon love songs. But this one was predominantly sweet, like a more sunny "In My Life" type song.

Always been a McCartney guy myself, but when I awoke I thought to myself how Lennon's style was at times more rich in personality & self-amusement. McCartney was the master songsmith but Lennon wrote more out of the need for deep, personal therapy.

12/04/2024

This is life.

12/04/2024

New podcast episode addressing a change in my life...
Everyone

In this episode, Josh shares a bittersweet breakthrough. He realizes he has unconsciously put too much stock in outward success. Slowly, he's been demoralize...

08/04/2024

Positivity can be safety from buried negative emotion.

The "thinning" of our energy is the numbness of the denial of our life experience. Negative emotion is often our soul recognizing the ego's insufficiency to replace this.

To cover this up w/ soothing positivity is to preserve our deeper suffering.

Spiritually, God desires our ultimate comfort but can't comfort us as long as forms of comfort keep us frozen. God can't comfort us anymore than our willingness to "thaw" our areas of numbed discomfort back to life.

Sounds painful because it is. But just as the paralyzed man who can feel his legs again rejoices, so should we walk in gratitude as we slowly recover our heart in an often messy process.

How else can we truly love the Lord Our God with ALL of our heart/mind/soul/strength??

04/04/2024

In light of my recent posts, I can't help but feel that in effort to communicate needed spiritual perspective, that it makes me sound like I have everything figured out. I don't. If you heard some of my honest conversations w/ God you would be suprised at how much hurt I choose not to indulge w/ people.

I'm still working through a lot. I share how I have managed to maintain belief despite being profoundly let down by just about everything & everyone in my life. I've had to slowly learn a radical responsibility to design my life from within & to cultivate an abundance mindset as an extension of the principles of the New Testament I'm sharing.

But they are truths born in pain & darkness.

I don't believe worship is bringing to God our convenient, pleasant parts. To me, it's getting vulnerable & being an open book with things the ego wants to bury. But my life story is that you never get rid of something by forcefully burying it.

It sucks. I've endured a process that has had no shortcuts. It has delayed a lot of things in my life so that my life resembles no one else's. I can only lean in to it while enduring agitation of my "lonesome, middle child" wound in the belief that if I'm estranged from myself I am only that much more lonesome.

Some of my conversations w/God are horrible. I expose dark emotions of genuine frustration w/everything. But I can never in good conscience dump on God without giving Him a chance to respond. The more transparent I've been able to become the more lucid my thinking has become.

One thing that has become clear to me is that in this world I'm guaranteed to be misunderstood. The best that I can settle for is being understood by people who want to understand me while learning to know progressively that God understands me most.

The grace that I give towards a misunderstanding world reflects the grace that I cultivate from God in inviting Him into the distresses of my shadow.

It is only there where I can learn a limitless divination in Divine light.


Everyone

04/04/2024

God is more concerned with loving you than changing you.

If we think God is more preoccupied with changing us, we will never be "still" enough in our heart to deeply experience His life which alone breathes His goodness into us.

It is only then that we are involuntarily inspired to change for the right reasons.

It might take time & a process. But only love can changes us by an enthusiasm for something MORE than cultural morality. Complex forms of pain often drive our behavior and the answer isn't hiding our wounded heart in a subculture but finding our true heart with the Divine love that calls us TO eternal life as a QUALITY of being in Christ.

This is the story of my life w/ mental illness. You can't fake or force a cure to it. When you've dealt with it & found God's grace to be the central antidote, grace is no longer an abstract idea but a tangible embodiment that changes us by applying unconditional love to areas we'd rather repress & bypass for our ego's convenience.

Acquainting myself w/ the nature of unconscious issues, the subtle psychology of legalistic religion is more easily detectable in noticing a familiar strain in a person's spirit. Legalism is a neurosis. A disease of the ego. It's actually difficult for me to be around it. I want to believe people are on the same page with me on spiritual things but it's mostly wishful thinking. I can hear, feel & see the nature of their subcommunications. I can't help but sense a form of spiritual fraud taking place in their energy.

At the risk of sounding arrogant, until a person's enthusiasm for spiritual things rivals my own, I have no interest in their deadening beliefs. I have no reason to ever believe a person actually believes what they SAY they believe, unless I see them deeply ALIVE in that truth.

Curing the mental health crisis in our society starts w/ curing it in our restless, ADD spirituality where God's love is merely a topic instead of THE MEANING OF LIFE we cultivate in our totality of being. If our religion believes God is more concerned w/ changing us, our ego can easily play that game & imitate spiritual knowledge.

If we can believe that God's heart is to genuinely commune w/ us, our ego loses its grip. The compulsion to change is surrendered to abide w/ God in the present moment.

The transformation of grace in me that animates my life's authenticity is something that only I had witness to from within. I was only ever hindered by the religious compulsion to believe God was mostly concerned w/ changing me. My ego involuntarily would imitate the change before God was given proper place in my heart. God was primarily concerned with loving me & placing Himself in the right place of my heart.

It was when I saw this, that I walked more closely w/ Him & began changing as a secondary consequence of my experience of Him.

I'm still a work in progress. But now I clearly see the labor is remaining in rest.

04/04/2024

This is the story of my life w/ mental illness. You can't fake or force a cure to it. When you've dealt with it & found God's grace to be the central antidote, grace is no longer an abstract idea but a tangible embodiment that changes us by unconditional love.

Acquainting myself w/ the nature of unconscious contents, the subtle forms of legalism are more easily detectable by noticing a familiar strain in a person's spirit. Legalism is a neurosis. A disease of the ego. It's actually difficult for me to be around. I'll pretend people are on the same page but it's mostly wishful thinking. I can hear, feel & see the nature of their subcommunications. I can't help but sense a form of spiritual fraud taking place.

Until a person's enthusiasm for spiritual things rivals my own, I have no interest in their beliefs. I have no reason to ever believe a person actually believes what they SAY they believe, unless I see them deeply ALIVE in that truth.

Curing the mental health crisis in our society starts w/ curing it in our restless, ADD spirituality where God's love is merely a topic instead of THE MEANING OF LIFE we cultivate in our totality of being. If our religion believes God is more concerned w/ changing us, our ego can easily play that game & imitate spiritual knowledge.

If we can believe that God's heart is to genuinely commune w/ us, our ego loses its grip. The compulsion to change is surrendered to abide w/ God in the present moment.

The transformation of grace in me that animates my life's authenticity is something that only I had witness to from within. I was only ever hindered by the religious compulsion to believe God was mostly concerned w/ changing me. My ego involuntarily would imitate the change before God was given proper place in my heart. God was primarily concerned with loving me & placing Himself in the right place of my heart.

It was when I saw this, that I walked more closely w/ Him & began changing as a secondary consequence of my experience of Him.

I'm still a work in progress. But now the labor is remaining in His rest.

02/04/2024

God's love isn't just so that we can trust God but that we can finally learn to trust ourselves.

The legalistic mind will disagree with this:
It will provide spiritual reasons to not assume responsibility and then feel guilty for not assuming responsibility.
It will block all means of cultivating genuine enthusiasm for spiritual things and then feel guilty for not having enthusiasm for spiritual things.
It will be far more concerned with not outwardly sinning than inwardly drawing near to God to learn His character in the fabric of the depths of our heart.

This is why legalistic religion has caused great evil. It is powered by the shadow of man that unconditionally hates the human condition and wars within it by its projections. It's no suprise wars get started in its name: it is itself a disassociation from our humanity.

Divine love calls our shadow forward as the darkness can display the light the best. This isn't a cheesy conversion story but a process of slow, messy, unsexy, disentanglement of our heart from wrong beliefs of unconscious shame & disassociation that goes far DEEPER than the religious mind wants to admit. It is frankly much easier to play the Church game of experiencing enough of God to spiritualize an ego we can be proud of while thinking the problems of Christianity revolve around more effort from everybody else.

It isn't the quantity of heart but the quality of heart the Father is most concerned with. He frees the individual heart so it becomes capable of truly loving Him & experiencing Him. Anything else is religious noise that kills His heart from being clearly heard through killing our own depths of heart from being engaged.

02/04/2024

God's love isn't just so that we can trust God but that we can finally learn to trust ourselves.

The legalistic mind will disagree with this:
It will provide spiritual reasons to not assume responsibility and then feel guilty for not assuming responsibility.
It will block all means of cultivating genuine enthusiasm for spiritual things and then feel guilty for not having enthusiasm for spiritual things.
It will be far more concerned with not outwardly sinning than inwardly drawing near to God to learn His character in the fabric of the depths of our heart.

This is why legalistic religion has caused great evil. It is powered by the shadow of man that unconditionally hates the human condition and wars within it by it's projections. It's no suprise wars get started in its name: it is itself a disassociation from our humanity.

Divine love calls our shadow forward as the darkness can display the light the best. This isn't a cheesy conversion story but a process of slow, messy, unsexy, disentanglement of our heart from wrong beliefs of unconscious shame & disassociation that goes far DEEPER than the religious mind wants to admit. It is frankly much easier to play the Church game of experiencing enough of God to spiritualize an ego we can be proud of, while thinking the problems of Christianity revolve around more effort from everybody else.

It isn't the quantity of heart but the quality of heart the Father is most concerned with. He frees the individual heart so it becomes capable of truly loving Him & experiencing Him. Anything else is religious noise that kills His heart from being clearly heard.

31/03/2024

God is Love (Part 4)

He is risen!!!

The mystical nature of the Cross & the Resurrection should be difficult to understand to some degree. It's actually a great thing that our mind has to surrender It's rigid limitation to experience being seen within divine sight.

Man can never understand God's love rationally. God's love is as miraculous as reality itself and only in experience is our heart molded into His likeness.

I could go on and say poetic things but it's no substitute for that precious experience of risking one's pride to experience God knowing you. The sweet unseen process of one's reluctant humanity being drawn to Him is the greatest thing in this world.

God is often described as omnipresent and omniscient. But, I'm not sure He is. He isn't in everyone's thoughts or actions. He also doesn't know us in a certain relational sense until we allow our hearts to become His dwelling place. Even then our relationship isn't it's fullness of what it could be.

The intimacy of God is the most personal thing that can exist. Having become sin, no heart is too dark for God to come into and shine His light in.

Embrace the mystical quality of the Christian story and realize God will make sure He gives so much more than what you might think you are losing when your pride is discarded to open your heart to Him.

31/03/2024

lHe is risen!!!

The mystical nature of the Cross & the Resurrection should be difficult to understand to some degree. It's actually a great thing that our mind has to surrender It's rigid limitation to experience being seen within divine sight.

Man can never understand God's love rationally. God's love is as miraculous as reality itself and only in experience is our heart molded into His likeness.

I could go on and say poetic things but it's no substitute for that precious experience of risking one's pride to experience God knowing you. The sweet unseen process of one's reluctant humanity being drawn to Him is the greatest thing in this world.

God is often described as omnipresent and omniscient. But, I'm not sure He is. He isn't in everyone's thoughts or actions. He also doesn't know us in a certain relational sense until we allow our hearts to become His dwelling place. Even then our relationship isn't it's fullness of what it could be.

The intimacy of God is the most personal thing that can exist. Having become sin, no heart is too dark for God to come into and shine His light in.

Embrace the mystical quality of the Christian story and realize God will make sure He gives so much more than what you might think you are losing when your pride is discarded to open your heart to Him.