Crowbar Creative

22/03/2024

Welcome to Venus! Try to prove your mettle in this dodgy age of science, absolute reason, and infatigable imperialists! But take heart! You’ll have a raygun at your side to carve your own — likely radioactive — path through the Blood Jungle to adventure and glory! Use this setting at your D&D 5E table for an experience like none other. Cheers!

Available March 27th! Sign up to be notified upon release here https://www.exaltedfuneral.com/products/dr-grordbort-s-scientific-adventure-violence

Crowbar Creative Wētā Workshop Greg Broadmore

11/03/2024

Crikey! The age of scientific adventure is upon us! It is a time of rayguns, rocketry, robots, radio waves…and did we mention rayguns? Designed for use with the 5th edition of some game with dragons and other silly, scientifically unfounded elements. It’s a time of bold explorers, scruple-free imperialists, and savvy opportunists rocketing across the Solar System, discovering exotic worlds, encountering fantastic creatures, and making contact with fascinating cultures and peoples. There are 57 new and wild creatures to admire, catalogue, and be digested by — blimey! — including the Milton’s Drunken Fussock, the Martian Tripod War Machine, Felch’s Spring-Necked Oik, and the legendary Gilded Gristleback.💥 Dr. Grordbort’s Scientific Adventure Violence is coming soon…gooooood hunting!

Crowbar Creative Wētā Workshop Greg Broadmore

26/02/2024

Kickstarter Alert!

Dr Grordbort's Scientific Adventure Violence!

26/02/2024

Jeff peeks inside the eagerly anticipated Dr. Grordbort's Scientific Adventure Violence RPG from Crowbar Creative, Stardog Limited, and Exalted Funeral.

23/01/2024

Oohlala...just received these polyhedralical pins as a raffle prize. Thank you Hannahmation Studios Art!

16/11/2023

Lesson No. 16: Sir Robin the Not Quite So Brave as Sir Lancelot.

Arthur’s least greatest knight and perhaps the most cowardly chap ever to soil a surcoat, Sir Robin joined up thinking that knighthood was primarily about dressing up and dancing. He was, by all accounts, profoundly disappointed by the reality but too chicken to quit. And yet, he seems to have been remarkably difficult to dispatch, thanks to a keen mind for strategic retreat and no small amount of luck.

He fancied cosy castles, shoppes, dancing, fancy dress, and lullabies, and wanted very much to be recognised for his various exploits. He took the chicken for his sigil, in honour of his nearly standing up to the Vicious Chicken of Bristol, and he had several other near-deeds on his CV.

Sir Robin was known to employ minstrels to sing and spread word of his almost-exploits. His favourite were the Minstrels à la Mode, a troupe of 6-10 Bards (mostly woodwind players) who secretly despised Robin’s cowardice but were happy to have a paying gig. Singer/ tambourinist Miles Yellowbird wrote and performed derisive lyrics that could be unintentionally helpful to Robin’s cause.

Sir Robin was particularly despised by chickens, which took offence at being the symbol of cowardice and would have you know that they are in fact quite motherpluckers.
Monty Python Exalted Funeral

01/11/2023

Lesson No. 8.4LL: Eggs Diamond.

In tenth century Britain, a lovely specimen of Standard Dorking hen led a band of notorious outlaws known as the Chicken Gang.

This motherclucker and her brood were the scourge of travellers on country lanes. Her enemies were likely to find themselves riddled with arrows, courtesy of her clutch of eggssassins.

Intelligent but nonverbal, she was a ruthless wolf’s head, successful footpad, and master of surprise tactics, tracking, and living off the land. But she was a chicken, after all, and could be tempted by bribes of corn, anything shiny, and gentle scritches.

Her favourite tactic was ordering one of her clutch to pose as a normal hard-boiled egg, which was served to an enemy in an egg cup by an unwitting innkeeper or serving person.

The egg cracked open, an arrow flew out (usually accompanied by taunts like, ‘Eggs Diamond says beakfest is served’,) and the target was kaput.
Monty Python Exalted Funeral

25/10/2023

Lesson No. 453 (AD): Attila the Bun.

It’s hot. It’s cross. Just don’t call it a hot cross. (It’s a hawkshead whig, which is perhaps why it tends to get so carawayed.)

The scourge of tenth century breakfast tables, Attila was a bun gone wrong that popped into existence whenever someone got cute with gastronomical discourse.

A pat of warm, soothing butter was said to be the only thing that sedated Attila long enough for it to be eaten, which was the only way to defeat it. And even that was merely temporary, for the spirit of Attilla the Bun was purportedly in doughmitable. The next time a food pun was made, it would rise once more, its famed Sword of Gnawed swinging!

If the punner wasn't able to marshall their forkses and set up a skirmish line on advantageous terrine, it was straight to No Morecestershire for them.

Monty PythonExalted Funeral

18/10/2023

Lesson No. 7: Dennis Moore.
A notorious tenth century gentleman-bandit: brave, deadly, reasonably polite. Astride his black stallion Concorde, he terrorised Upper-Class toffs on lonely roads and in their very manor houses.

He was also notoriously short on imagination, so once he’d hit upon a reliable source of the thing he needs – be it a stretch of road or a particular estate – he’d return again and again until his targets were completely bereft.

Reputedly, Mr. Moore was rather easily confused and often daunted by persuasive arguments, distracted by open-ended philosophical questions, and foiled by silver-tongued types.

But who was this daring , latern-jawed blackguard? What did he want? According to recently discovered manuscripts, 'a little place of my own, the right girl, that sort of thing. Oh, you mean right now? Yes, well, I'm sworn to help the impoverished of the land, one family at a time.'

Sadly, it seems that Mr. Moore struggled with the arithmetic portion of the job. Despite being clad in black, he was a rather poor adder. Monty Python Exalted Funeral

11/10/2023

Lesson 22B: Eric the Half a Bee.
Though archaeological evidence is scant, a great number of 10th century manuscripts make mention of an entity known as Eric the Half a Bee. Initially it was surmised that the sobriquet applied to some sort of Don Juan of Middle Ages Albion, as references to it are uniformly steamy and swooning, even by Mediaeval monk standards.

However recent discoveries seem to indicate that Eric the Half a Bee was actually the back half of a bisected bee. For reasons impossible to explain, it exuded sexual magnetism, and a prick from its stinger was reputed to cause people to fall madly in lust with it--and even to sing to it.

Treasured by its admirers, it often wound up in a treasure horde, and many an innocent looter fell prey to its pheromone-charged pointy, often before they’d ever even laid eyes on the thing. Monty Python Exalted Funeral

04/10/2023

Lesson No. XII: In the tenth century, Christendom was lorded over by Pope John XII, the youngest, loutiest, most incestuous pontiff ever to don the funny hat. So naughty was he, that God Himself laid a geas upon a band of worthies to track the Pope down and deliver a proper bollicking to his backside–this according to recently discovered evidence recovered from the parlour of a Mrs. E. Supposition of Lower Swell, Gloucestershire. Pope John was particularly keen on firing off papal bulls to demand tributes, serve excommunication papers, and so forth. Indeed, 'when bulls fly' was once a popular idiom for something thought to be rare or extremely unlikely. But it was revised after the scholar Geoffrey of Monmouth remarked that bulls seemed to be flying from Rome quite regularly, and that the adage should be amended.
Exalted Funeral
Monty Python

03/10/2023

Lesson #437-a: Captain Glayds Stoutpamphlet.
Did you know that in the early part of the tenth century CE the shores of Britain were patrolled by a fearsome ship known as The Guilded Lily, helmed by the legendary Captain Gladys Stoutpamphlet? You did? Well, bully for you. But did you know she had a secret alter ego (Mrs. Rita Fairbanks) who helmed the Batley Townswomen’s Guild? Well, it seems you still have something to learn about the Middle Ages. Tut tut.

16/11/2022

Hear ye! Thank you to all who have supported Monty Python's Cocirricular Mediaeval Reenactment Programme.

There's only 48 hours left on the crowdfunder, so don't miss out on the exclusive Kickstarter bonuses: http://bit.ly/MPCMRP

19/10/2022

Lifting up my brother and co-author Craig Schaffer who introduced me to D&D and Monty Python. Who'da thunk that 35 years later, this would be happening. Well, Verna Saliba probably predicted it. But nobody else saw it coming. And to all you maniacs at Exalted Funeral, may your spam be ever spam.

One of the constants in Dungeons & Dragons games, across every edition, is Monty Python. There’s always a chance you’ll derail the scene as everyone around the table fires off their favorite jokes. Exalted Funeral has developed a licensed Monty Python RPG whose entire purpose may be to get derai...

19/10/2022

One of the constants in Dungeons & Dragons games, across every edition, is Monty Python. There’s always a chance you’ll derail the scene as everyone around the table fires off their favorite jokes. Exalted Funeral has developed a licensed Monty Python RPG whose entire purpose may be to get derai...

18/10/2022

You can't very well cocurricularly reenact without a Mediaeval character.

Monty Pythons Monty Python's Cocurricular Mediaeval Reenactment Programme (not at all a table top roleplaying game) is set to launch on Kickstarter tomorrow at 10AM Eastern.

Join in the fun with Crowbar Creative and ourselves here : https://bit.ly/MPCMRP

12/10/2022

Monty Python’s Cocurricular Mediaeval Reenactment Programme October 10, 2022October 9, 2022 by Stu Horvath and John McGuireCategories Interviews, PodcastExalted Funeral, Monty PythonLeave a Comment on Monty Python’s Cocurricular Mediaeval Reenactment Programme And now for something completely di...

10/10/2022

Mon dieu! Monty Python's Cocurricular Mediaeval Reenactment Programme has a launch date: October 19. Early-bird backers will have this Head of Light Entertainment sash bestowed upon them for free. Fetchez la Sash! Exalted Funeral

01/10/2022

Monty Python's Cocurricular Mediaeval Reenactment Programme is a brand-new tabletop role playing game drawing upon the complete works of Monty Python! Sign up to be notified when pre-orders are available here: https://bit.ly/MPCMRP

25/09/2022

Oh super! What fun! I say, Lionel, roll for initiative.

https://bit.ly/MPCMRP