07/11/2022
it’s 3am as i post so let me ramble my way through a rather non-standard instagram caption
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)
that’s my favorite quote from e e cummings. there’s been many ways in which i’ve been brave in my life and there’s been perhaps even more ways in which i’ve been frightful, cautious and reserved. the bravery has always sparked pride even when followed by failure. some days, some weeks, some months, slipping into the draining yet oddly comforting and familiar embrace of anxiety is too easy. it feels safer. but life doesn’t happen inside those walls but some other place, outside the noise. despite some rough times, over the last few months i’ve had moments of intense trust in myself and almost feverish episodes of short lived but genuine happiness. i never realized, before this year, just how much i’d dulled my emotional range in order to simply exist without constant pain.
but you can’t dull the pain without also stamping on the happiness. i certainly didn’t seem able to.
BUT… before this turns into an essay of incoherent ramblings and half thoughts of a 3am brain, i’ll leave you with a little quote of my own
you see
my problem is
i burn
& not just at two ends
but infinitely
(PS: let me leave you with this small piece of advice - when you experience effortless happiness through new hobbies, connections, art or whatever, run towards it even if it’s scary or new or you don’t know anyone else into it. it’s your happiness so fu***ng fight for it like it means something)