The Vent with TJ Kelley

17/12/2023

The Reality of a Cleburne Kid Podcast….coming in January…

Get a good seat!!!

13/05/2023

I’m not sure but I think I dated this girl in the late 80s….

24/11/2022

10/11/2022

Working from home means you never have to put on pants

03/05/2022

Ok, maybe DONT leave books like this laying around for me to find…they need a waaaaay better translator here at the hotel…

03/05/2022

Asphalt shortage?

28/04/2022

I would be fired in a 20 minutes…

23/04/2022

Me as a Dad: NO TOYS in the living room!!!
Me as a Grandad:…….

20/03/2022

You know you want to.....volume up!

08/12/2021

Please SHARE...just in time for Christmas
————————————————————————

I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can’t.

She is crying.

Don’t cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it’s not my fault. I asked her if it was God’s fault, but she didn’t answer, and only started crying harder, so I don’t ask her that anymore.

The reason she is so sad is that I’m so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn’t hurt, except when I go to sleep.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us havin’ no money or insurance.

I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn’t work because she said employers don’t hire crying people. I said, “Don’t cry, Mommy,” and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she’s allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me.

You can help me if you forward this post. You HAVE to share, not copy and paste. It's the only way I get the help I need.
Dr. Johansen said if you foward this, then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball.

Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you foward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels.

Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don’t want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don’t foward this, that’s OK.

Mommy says you’re a mean heartless person who doesn’t care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that she hopes that you stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach.

What kind of wretched person are you that you can’t take five lousy minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it’s hard. I wish

I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.

Thank You.
Billy ‘Smiles’ Evans,
The boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body

07/12/2021

The Vicious Attack Squirrel of DEATH!
12/7/21

Don't call it a comeback.
I've BEEN here....

Listen to The Attack Squirrel of Death by TJ Kelley on

01/06/2021

OH MY GOD....

First, I'm not a racist. I won't qualify WHY I'm not, but I'm not. I'm a smart man, and I know what core racisms is, regardless of how someone with an agenda might spin it.

Second, I'm not homophobic. I have absolutely NO DESIRE to have any sort of physical relationship with another man. The thought of tongue kissing another dude almost makes me vomit, however YOU can be as gay as you want and I won't judge you.

I have a Transgender child who I will fight you in the street over, and will destroy someone for hurting him.....doesn't mean I want to get my *BLEEP* cut off ...it means I support my son, love him, and support his right to be happy.

I fact, I'll fight alongside you, march at Pride with you and support your rights 100%. It's just not for me.

I have to say all of this because what I'm about to say is gonna p**s someone off.

If you wonder WHY (insert whomever here) always get pushback, it's because equal is NEVER EVER enough for you.

JESUS CHRIST...why can't equal be freaking EQUAL to you people?

Ron DeSantis (Florida's awesome Governor) signed a bill that says that "Transgender girls can't compete in girls sports", and GUESS WHO'S PI**ED OFF. GUESS WHO'S GONNA FILE A LAWSUIT.

Why can't it be enough that you have the latitude NOW that your kids can't even be corrected when they're 11 as to traditional gender roles ARE.

I'm not saying telling your kid that thinks he's a girl he's a boy when he's 15....so shut up before you get started....

I'm talking about your 5 year old that wants to wear makeup.

Where in the world does the LGBT community get off saying that they'll file suit if a boy that feels like he's a girl isn't allowed to compete against other girls?

Unless you're freaking Ronda Rousey, there's a good chance that any dude that you roll up on will kick your ass. This doesn't apply to anyone of any gender that trains to fight, before some 8th degree Karate girl challenges me to a fight.

You KNOW what I mean.

Why man? Why does this have to be a thing? If this is what it has to be, then just stop separating it.

Everyone can play everything.

Equal means DAMN EQUAL, right? So no more Softball or Baseball...pick ONE and they'll all play it. Football? Powder puff my ass...EVERYONE plays......

High Schools should just have TRACK TEAMS..not boys track or girls track...JUST TRACK.

THEN...WHOEVER IS FASTEST GETS TO RACE. WHOEVER throws the ball further and most accurately gets to play.

STOP PICKING AND CHOOSING what's equal. EVERYONE.

EQUAL MEANS EQUAL. It doesn't mean "more" or "superior".

Let all student athletes try out for the main team.

You're welcome.

Situation resolved.

20/04/2021

Just had a very heated conversation w/ old friends regarding Rioting/Looting and George Floyd.

First off, In Florida...they won't break so much as an egg.
And I don't care if the lefties feel like wording can be twisted or whatever...maybe to THEM because it's what they do. Tear up some stuff HERE, and you're going to jail....and nothing stops it.
Don't tear up people's s**t, protest peacefully as the Constitution allows, and PAY for your TV's, don't wait for someone to DIE and just go GET one.

The cop. Guys, I'm as Right Wing, Middle Aged White Conservative as they come. And the world has put all of us in a defensive stance where racism, and reverse racism come into play so the knee jerk reaction is "aaaaah.....he was a drug dealer, medical condition, high on crack, convicted blah blah blah...

BUT.
BUT BUT BUT BUT...

If you are trained as Police Officers are trained. And I'm HARD CORE BACK THE BLUE, before we go there, I have a cousin by marriage who's a high ranking officer at Bay County, My Grandfather and my 2nd cousin? (Dad's cousin) was a Police Officer....so..cop famiy.

Anyway...if you are trained as a cop....and after you have a dude subdued...he's on his face...you cuff him and get the f*** off of his neck.

Period.

If you can't do this in 9 minutes, with help standing all around you then you should resign and go apply at Golden Corral or Jiffy L**e and do something not so physical.

Racist? Bully? Power Cop? Who really knows....but he's SOMETHING this guy. Personally I think he's the guy that woulda done it anyone with any physical stature because he probably got shoved around when he wasn't a cop and this is payback.

Remember this, while you're working it out in YOUR head how you feel about Police Officers....

NOBODY hates a dirty cop more than a good cop. Remember that, and there are a few bad apples in EVERY barrel. Whatever it is YOU DO for a living, there's someone in your career path...maybe in your office....or maybe it's even YOU.....that's dirty as hell, plays the system...dirty.

Be kind to people right now, and take color out of it. There are people in other countries that would kill YOU because you're American, and could give a damn about whether you're Black, White, Asian, what the hell ever....

Y'all better throttle back a little and start taking care of your own before the United States of America is like 1980's Russia or China.

Love to you all -
T.

21/03/2021

Ok, I have a couple of real questions.

LGBTQ+=&*@! or whatever the rest is...

Are we allowed to say Q***r?

NAACP....KNOWING what the acronym means, yet knowing you don't see any Asians, Latinos, NATIVE Americans or any other people "of color" being honored at the upcoming NAACP awards, are we allowed to SAY Colored now?

Not that I want to say either, I just want to be properly educated is all....and to do the right thing...

28/01/2021

Ok, are there any legs on this "OK, he's been the President 50 hours" post?

Adult answers please....none of that ignorance calling the former a Cheeto or that juvenile garbage...

Grown-ups talking please.

27/01/2021

OK...let me say this VERY FIRST, because if you start flaming me on this you're outta here....lol

My only child is Transgender. Born as a female, identifies as a man. I support it, because he is mine. I love him, and will support anything that makes him happy.

I have MANY friends in the LGBTQ WHATEVER ELSE I'M LEAVING OUT community. Because I don't understand it, embrace it, or want to participate doesn't mean I don't support their right to happiness and I will defend to the teeth their RIGHT to happiness, whatever form that may take.

I love them dearly, and I defy you to jeer them, pick on them, assault or attack them in my presence. You don't have to like it, but you do have to be an adult.

THAT being said. Please leave elite athletes out of this. I know full well that Ronda Rousey can kick the living crap outta any dude that will read this.

On a High School or Collegiate level....or hell, on a pro level...is it really FAIR to let a man, who's base DNA and musculature is different than a woman, compete as a girl just because he feels more feminine than masculine?

Go onto any school yard in America. Pick 50 boys (male DNA) and 50 women (female DNA) and let them trade licks, run a race, climb a tree and see how this pans out.

THIS IS NOT a "women belong in the kitchen not in a tree" post, and this is NOT a trigger for those of you that have crossed over, want to cross over or just really wanna be a dude to flex up and and tell me how you can do whatever a man can do.

In High School Naoko Harwell could just about whip any dudes ass she wanted, and she's a girl..still a girl...exception to the rule.... (Love you girl, if you see this...I forgot your new last name or I would've tagged you).

So, is it really fair?

Not because of any "blank-a-phobic" reason, other than it just doesn't register with me.

As a grown up, change my mind.

27/01/2021

I'm so tired of not being cool anymore.

1. Break you off. THIS means, want to have s*x with you. "I wanna break you off"......BREAK ME OFF? That sounds like it probably FEELS LIKE hell!! I in NO uncertain terms want you "breaking anything off of me".....so we're clear.

2. F*** with you. Now....if you "F*** with ME...you're liable to get your a** kicked..but apparently if you're "F***ing with someone"...you're talking to them with interest.

3. Dank. I was told the other day that I made a "dank ass cheeseburger"....now, if I tell you something is dank....it should be musty...dark....and gross.....

4. One of my fave's...."CORN HOLE". Ok, Corn Hole. Of all the things you could've named what is essentially a remake of the 70's game Toss Across...except you dumbed it down to one hole........of all the names, you name it something that means something ENTIRELY DIFFERENT to anyone in General Population in any prison for any length of time.

I do NOT want to "Corn Hole" with you, and I certainly don't want you to think I'm proficient...or GOOD at it on ANY level.

5. Gas. I had someone at a bar recently ask me if I had "the gas"....to which I replied, "No...I've not had the BEANS...".....I thought maybe I smelled....turns out she was looking for w**d.

6. YeeYee. Northerners, take it back. Nobody in the South says that in reference to our trucks or countryness. That's some Larry The Cable Guy crap you invented like that girl in Mean Girls trying to make "Fetch" a thing. YeeYee My A**.....

7. Fleek.....I don't even have a thing to say here.......FLEEK. How is that even a word......FLEEK?

8. And stop saying "My Bad". My Bad isn't an excuse for being a dumbass......"Oh, damn..I just ran over your cat......my bad..."

How about if I hit you in the face with a brick for being a dumbass...."MY BAAAAAD"...

Feel free to add whatever you want to the list.....rant done -

T.

21/01/2021

When you order it online, VS when it actually arrives...

18/12/2020

Ok well...I guess he's the President. Can someone tell me if we get the loot BEFORE of AFTER we burn down the Best Buy...

Asking for a friend....

18/12/2020

I"ve often wondered.....

06/11/2020

Aren't you supposed to call a Doctor if your election lasts more than 4 hours....

Asking for a friend.....

04/11/2020

Would one of my Biden friends do me a favor tomorrow and grab me a new 80-inch Smart TV before you burn down Best Buy?

Ill pay you....thanks!

01/10/2020

If I ever become wildly successful, or get to a place where people know my name (again) I absolutely DEFY someone to go on Social Media and just make up things I did or didn't say, or to twist my words into something to try and place me in a different light than intended.

When asked the question about denouncing hate groups, President Trump DID IN FACT SAY "Yeah, sure....I can do that" or something to that measure.

No, he didn't do a 20 minute diatribe on it. He answered the damn question, but because it wasn't CLEAR enough for the other side, because you have to speak to them in very clear, single syllabic sentences, they choose to act as if he actually supports them.

From this point forward, I will remove myself from the company of anyone that says he refused to denounce, or worse yet PROMOTES freaking hate groups.

You people amaze me.

That the Commander In Chief, the most powerful man on the PLANET would actually support, or imply support of groups that would hurt or kill minorities in this day in time is ridiculous, and that you would imply it from your little hidey holes from behind your keyboards is disgusting.

30/09/2020

Here's what is making everyone angry about last night.

Donald Trump is a full on Apex predator. The Shark in the water. Last night he did what Trump does. He walked in and ate the room.

This first debate is just that.

A FIRST DEBATE.

Donald Trump, whether you like it or not has had to fight every single day he's been in office. Every single day to make sure his base not only knows what he stands for, but that he does what he says he's gonna do.

We can all go back and forth about him "not denouncing hate groups" or Biden calling him a Clown.....

BUT HERE IS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.

Trump made sure his base understands he's still who he is, and that what he does regardless of having that "bratty kid running along side trying to poke a stick between his feet while he's running down the road".

DO YOU UNDERSTAND why issues like Publicly funded Healthcare, and the green "New Deal" were shoved in Biden's face? Did you SEE him fall on the ropes when he couldn't name the Police Organization or whatever that endorsed him?

Trump wanted him on record admitting he does NOT back those things, regardless of the pandering in advertisement. Trump wanted you to know Biden is a puppet, and someone else is pulling the strings.

Say what you want. I agree, instead of baiting Biden, he could've SAID "Yeah, K*K is a piece of garbage", and he didn't.

He's not stupid. Those clowns vote too.

This is a man that wins in business, and in life in general and he's smart enough to keep his friends close, and his enemies closer and you can't POSSIBLY, as much as you would love to, have that as ammo that the President of the United States ENDORSES burning crosses and dragging black folks behind cars.

Telemundo, THE voice in America for the Latino Culture said he DEMOLISHED Biden last night in a poll of their viewers.

Last I checked not only are they a minority, but also get a bit of a bad rap for not being here legally....yet they support him.

Open your eyes, and get your news by WATCHING the news.

Peace out -

T.