30/01/2025
๐ ๐๐ค๐ช๐ก๐๐ฃ'๐ฉ ๐๐๐ก๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ฌ๐๐ฎ ๐ ๐๐๐ก๐ฉ
about his touch.
My heart racedโmy mind went blank, all because his hand brushed against mine, so slowly, so intentionally.
I je**ed back at the realization that we were in a public place. I already began to feel a faint but sweet sensation. I never knew I could react to anyone's touch like I did his. It was the first time I felt that way.
Being a properly raised girl, I had lived according to the principles laid down by my parents and my church. They were not bad at all. In fact, because I followed what they taught me, I never had issues with the other vices many of my peers got caught doing.
I had clean records from school and at home, but this experience, this feeling, was strange, and no one had quite lectured me about it. I knew what they preached about relating to boys; abstinence was the better way. There was no need to defile the bed until marriage. You will anger GOD by "doing that thing," and my virginity was a thing of pride. I didn't have to lose it. I knew all that, but never understood how the feeling worked. No one told me that I would feel this way, defenseless and so consumed by someone's touch.
I knew I had been crushing on Harry for so long, since I was about 15 and a half, but I never really felt that particular feeling as we had never quite had a reason to talk to each other or stand in the same spot for so long.
I walked away, deeper into the crowd, and found my way home. But the next time we met at the center, when he apologized for making me uncomfortable, I began getting comfortable in his company again. I noticed how beautiful his well-chiseled set of teeth was. I was entrapped by his smile and sweet compliments. They made my tummy rumble. Every time I got home after spending time with him, I fantasized about his touch and how he made me feel.
He spoke so easily and calmly. I fell even harder for him. When he finally asked me to be his girlfriend, I was ecstatic but afraid that he would awaken the strange feelings again. Then he promised to take care of me. He promised to be with me forever.
He now had a reason to invite me over, and the first time we spent any time in the enclosure of his tiny apartment, it was a revert to that feeling I felt the first time, only with much more intensity. I never knew and I was never taught how to handle the feeling. It was like my body functioned; reacted, all on its own.
As he leaned towards me and kissed my neck, I felt a tingling sensation rise from my core. It traveled quickly to my nether regions, and I didn't know when I produced some dampness on my underwear. I never even knew I could produce such damp substance; I initially mistook it for sweat. It all happened so fast, and it was sweet.
I felt guilty afterwards because I had broken the abstinence teaching. I had defied the bed and given up my virginity to this handsome youngness who controlled my body. However, it didn't stop. Every time I went there, it continued to happen so fast. My body reacted even to the smallest things he did, just like when he looked at me with desire.
One day, I felt sick and feverish. I could no longer visit him. I visited the hospital instead and received the shock of my life. I let him know, and he told me to get lost.
But I had just turned 18; what could I do, and could I really get lost when I depended on a lot of people for my survival? I was still a little too naive even for myself. I thought I knew some things, but I didn't even know there were several drugs and concoctions to take in order to avert or delay the inevitable.
I ran from GOD, buried my face in shame, and had several psychological battles.
My parents got to know; my mother wailed, and I was blamed. Blamed for not knowing how to apply abstinence, blamed for defiling the marriage bed, and blamed for not protecting and preserving my virginity.
But how could they beat their chests and say they really did teach me what to do?
How could they wash their hands of any blame and place it on me alone?
They only told me what to do but never showed me how to do it.
They should have warned me in plain terms that sexual feelings had a way of capturing one's body. They should have told me that some people reacted so easily to it and some didn't. I was someone who reacted too easily, in fact, and hadn't learned any self-control yet. I didn't know myself.
They should have told me not to entertain small touches or allow myself to be entrapped by someone's charms.
They should have taught me to never visit someone who I called boyfriend if I really wanted to abstain (even though every young person around me did this). Why didn't they tell me that visiting my boyfriend was not a standard?
They should have let me know just how emotionally messed up I could be for trusting the man who promised to be with me forever.
Child birthday scarred me. Now I must teach my daughter exactly how to keep away from being a charmer's prey.
My book 14 Days to Valentine's Day is going to be launched on Valentine's Day. It'll address this exact issue and more.
What are you waiting for? Check the comments.๐๐พ
