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13/09/2021

My Name is Lira, I'm 29 years old My husband 32 years old😟

12/09/2021

I'm 29 years keep finding long hairs in my bathroom, which is strange because of my husband...

r/relationship_advice
I'm 29 years keep finding long hairs in my bathroom, which is strange because my husband 32 years is bald and I have a short pixie crop hairstyle.

Typo! Husband is bald

Using a throwaway account because reasons..

This started a few weeks ago. While cleaning the bathroom I found a number of long hair strands over my bathroom wall by the shower. This struck me as very odd because not only does my husband not have hair, I also wear a very cropped, short hairstyle. So it’s impossible for the strands I found to belong to either me or my husband.

Confused I washed them away but couldn’t stop thinking about it. I decided not to mention it but kept looking out for them. There seems to be a pattern that there’s hairs appearing when I’m either at work or out for a longer time period.

I feel like I’m going crazy and feel like I shouldn’t just immediately go to my husband cheating on me with a longer haired woman. I asked my husband about it and he just shrugged. Which makes me more paranoid as surely this is something that’s strange so why is he so blasé about it! I’m starting to think he’s playing it down to stop me from finding out the truth.

It happened again two days ago and I asked my husband again. He dismissed it but this time admitted it’s strange but told me the only explanation is that they must be my hairs. They are not and after saying so, now he’ll just ignore me if I bring it up.

I don’t want to assume my husband is cheating on me and accuse him of such over something so ridiculous, but I’m driving myself into the ground trying to work out how the hairs have got there without my husband dismissing it as nothing.

During lockdown we haven’t had any visitors (that I know of) so can rule out his sister.

TL:DR I believe my husband is cheating on me because I keep finding long hairs in the bathroom which can’t possibly belong to either of us.

11/09/2021

I’m terrified my daughter won’t live to graduate
My daughter is perfect. She is kind. She is loving. She is great with kids and animals. Adults love how polite she can be and how funny she is. She is a teenager so she doesn’t listen as often as I’d like when it comes to chores but so does everyone.

She has also been hospitalized 5 times for various attempts on her life. I’ve had her in therapy since kindergarten. She is diagnosed with BPD. Lately she has fallen in the same hole. She refuses to shower. Refuses to go to school. Refuses to talk. Today she could only talk to me through text. She has been doctors, multiple hospitals and none has stopped her from getting sicker.

I have come to realize that BPD is fatal when she was hospitalized in 3rd grade. She has a sister who was hospitalized but she has gotten progressively better with the same therapeutic interventions her sister has had.

I am so scared. She is the light of everything. I tell her how valued she is many times a day. I make her sit with me so she isn’t alone. I’ve hid the knives. The medication. Locked up the guns at her dads place. Everything I have been told to do, I’ve done. It’s like I’m in the world’s most awful holding pattern.

I am so tired. I can’t sleep at night. I forgot to eat today, my hair is falling out and she’s only a sophomore.

Is there anyone out there that has survived this?

Edit: Thank you all for the very informative support. Please scroll though this as many wonderful folks gave me resources that can help a lot of people.

I am reading your replies and sharing with my daughter. It’s giving us a good day. And I appreciate it so much!!

11/09/2021

My husband 32years told our daughter 5years that he makes all the final decisions in our household. When confronted, he told me I wasn't nearly as smart or capable as his ex-wife.

I have long known that I don't match up to my husband's ex-wife in terms of professional accomplishments and/or educational credentials. His ex went to graduate school and put herself through school by doing working as a mortgage loan officer before the market crashed. She was the type to wear many hats and did the investor relations, sales, marketing, and accounting for the business that my husband started and where she was his first employee. They had an acrimonious divorce and now all their interactions regarding their daughter always devolve into arguments. Otherwise, they don't speak. She had the opportunity to still be a consultant for my husband's business but both of them said they'd rather go to hell.

I on the other hand went to college for two semesters before dropping out. I got a job as a receptionist but my boss was very kind and eventually taught me the ropes in the realm of accounting/ bookkeeping. Through his encouragement, I also began taking official courses towards accounting accreditation at a community college. However, I had to put it off after I got pregnant with my daughter. I am currently taking courses again and excelling.

My husband never really took issue with my comparative lack of education when we were dating but after we got married and I had our daughter soon after the wedding we began sliding into a strange new normal. When we were dating he was very eager to hear my opinions about everything. He'd tell me about work and then listen interestedly to what I had to say and say stuff like " I never thought about it that way." After we got married, we'd still have conversations about his work but every time I gave any sort of opinion, especially if he sensed I was forming a suggestion in my head, he'd sharply shut it down. So I felt like I could only carry on the conversation by centering around his viewpoint and help him arrive at the decisions that he already wanted to arrive at, to begin with. If he is was uncertain about something, I could only empathize with him over his dilemma but he'd brush off any opinions I had that he felt would sway his mindset one way or the other. He would also always talk about how capable and smart his ex-wife was, before " I couldn't stand her anymore." and the decisions on that front that she had made.

Things have been getting worse since our daughter has begun growing up and it was time to make some rather big decisions regarding her future. My family is Protestant and he is Catholic and he just one day signed our daughter up for a youth program at a local Catholic church and then told me about it later. He made me feel guilty about how his mom was dying and was upset that our daughter was never baptized and before I knew it we were both attending services at the church. My husband got upset when I took our daughter to the waterpark without checking in with him about it but then went ahead and signed her up for dance lessons because he had become friends with the studio owner even though there were closer ones with much better ratings nearby.

Finances are also tough because I always ask my husband about purchases I feel are major but my husband only tells me about things he " wants to buy" after the fact. I help him with the accounting for our finances but when I make suggestions for anything he goes " hmmm" and then says " thanks for your input, but I think I'm going to do it this way." He justifies this by saying that he doesn't stop me from purchasing what I want, paying for the hobbies I want to pursue and that he let me choose the interior designer who furnished our house.

My daughter expected to start kindergarten with her preschool friends but my husband called me in for a " discussion" and told me he's educated himself on the benefits of holding our daughter back a year and cited a bunch of research and consultations he had with people in early childhood education. I tried to argue that our daughter was excited, bright, and intellectually above average compared to that of her peers already but he just smiled at me and said " don't worry.. this extra year will be great for her. "

We recently decided we wanted to reevaluate private school choices for our daughter ( we had another year and a half of leeway, after all). My husband seemed apathetic about either one so we went to tour both campuses again and talk to the people there. During one of the informational sessions, I met a mom and we and our daughters became great friends. We all felt that " School A" was the better choice, especially because my nephew went to that school. My husband said that he was not partial to either one of them and what did I think because this was my daughter too. My sister was present for that conversation and she said she nearly peed her pants to see this " giant leap forward" in my relationship with my husband.

So my daughter got excited about likely going to the school, and the other day was babbling with my husband about school next year. She said that " mommy" loved the school too. And my husband said " oh mommy does? But daddy will be choosing." My daughter looked very confused and asked why. My husband made things worse by saying " because daddy makes the final decisions in our family." Afterward, I confronted my husband and said that was inappropriate.

This began an argument and I told him that everything so far has all gone according to what he wants. He looked outraged and said he thought our relationship was good and that I have bought what I want and we have traveled to where I want. I told him I wanted things to go back to what they were before we got married, and where he valued my opinions. I said I was tired of hearing about how he considered his ex-wife a partner but I cannot have opinions. He told me to stop thinking that I was on the same level as his ex-wife intellectually. He said I was being irrational because he doesn't need me to be as capable and that he loved me for me, not for how much I could contribute to finances or his company. He then said he didn't know what he was supposed to do because he couldn't just tell me my ideas were useless or stupid.

I don't know what to do. When we woke up the next morning, he was cold with me. I tried to talk about our fight, but he just looked at me and said " I was wrong to yell, and I apologize for that." My marriage with my husband is usually very affectionate when he feels like I'm not annoying him with suggestions. We usually have s*x at least every other day and he surprises me with romantic gestures. We like the same movies and hobbies. But despite him hating his ex, I know he treated her more like a partner than he ever treats me.

10/09/2021

r/relationship_advice

My fiancée 23 years and I'm 24 years have been together for 2 1/2 years, engaged for 8 months, and moved in together right after we got engaged. I was very straight up with her before moving in that I wasn’t exactly “house-trained” the way she would like, as in cooking and cleaning, which she was already somewhat aware of and was happy to teach me some stuff around the house after moving in. She knows my family and knows my mother is very old school, does all the housework and “takes care of her men” which is not how I believe it should be, just how my household worked growing up.

I try to help around the house, but most of the time I screw it up. Little things like putting the wrong stuff in the dishwasher and they get messed up, but that’s part of learning. I could see my fiancée was getting annoyed with my mistakes, so I cut back on the housework a bit, which also annoyed her. We had a bit of a fight about it where she said she didn’t want to be my mother. I also don’t want that, so we were on the same page, and I said I’d start helping more again.

Yesterday she was called into work early and I came home from work to a pile of clothes on the bed. I figured she was doing laundry, so I separated the clothes, put them in the right bins, then put one in the washer. When she came home she asked where the clothes were and when I told her, thinking she’d be happy, I was pretty surprised at how pi**ed she was. Apparently she had already washed them and was folding them when she got called into work, so I “made more work for her.” We argued about it and she said she “doesn’t think we’re in a place to be getting married anymore.”

I’m on the fence. I know I need to grow up, but I’m working on it and she sees that. I love her and want to be with her, but if she’s going to threaten our relationship over clothes, which I’m trying to wash, is it worth it?

Tl;dr: I accidentally washed a pile of clothing that was already clean, so my fiancée wants to break up.