31/05/2021
For jeff i love you even more when you leave me hangin....
My phone rings and my heart falls as I see the name.
Your name.
That’s when the battle between my heart and head rages the hardest.
Deep down, I know I have to let you go.
Our love story began as many do- full of intense passion and fiery love..
But somewhere along the way, we began to unravel and you drifted away from me.
Distance became anger..and soon, the disrespect, the fighting and the belittling became your way..
And I’ll never accept being treated like that, so I left.
You’ve done all the things to try to win me back and said all the things you think I want to hear, but I just can’t believe false promises and empty words.
We’ve tried that before and it never stuck, so I hope one day, you’ll understand why I never came back.
But as I see your name on my phone as it rings, it tugs on my heartstrings and my heart urges me to pick up while my head screams not to..
It’s a horrible feeling and a hard place to be, but I know what’s best for me as I finally find the courage to decline your call.
I close my eyes as my heart pounds, forcibly exhaling as I attempt to calm my nerves.
The mere thought of you sends me into a tailspin that overwhelms me.
It’s too soon and the wounds are too fresh and I fight not to burst into tears as I sit there quietly.
I can’t help but cry as the memories flash through my mind..of happier times , better places and love.
As I erase your voicemail, I wipe away my streaming tears.
Maybe it was love once, but it hasn’t been for some time.
What my heart has been holding onto are the beautiful memories..not the painful reality of today.
Day by day, I let you go a little more and I know I’ll be okay soon.
It’ll always sting some when I think of you, but that’s just part of growth and healing.
Maybe I won’t get there today, tomorrow or next week,
But I’ll find my way..I always do.
For a time, it was beautiful, it was us and it was love,
But those times are long gone.
Now, I’m letting you go so I can love myself better.
I hope someday soon I can tell our story without crying..
I look forward to that.
I look forward to being happy again.
I’ll get there.
|ravenwolf
