When The Time Comes Organizer

28/11/2024

The Thanksgiving table will look different for many of my friends, family, and acquaintances this year.
There will be empty chairs where loved ones once sat; less laughter in the kitchen; one less card player at the game table; and that one favorite dish missing from the meal.

This year in particular, I have been made aware of, or been affected personally by so many tragic losses within families. Suicides, tragic accidents, and unexpected illnesses have knocked on too many doors. Young families in the prime of their lives, suddenly without a mother or father. Mothers and fathers who have had to bury their children. Beloved patriarchs and matriarchs of families gone to their eternal homes. After many of these tragic losses my phone will ring or an email will arrive in my inbox asking the question, “What do I do next?”

Unless a person has personally been responsible for walking through another persons estate after they have passed, they will have no idea how difficult the journey will be. The countless hours, days, weeks, and months that will be spent combing through files, drawers, boxes, tubs, closets, basements, and attics searching for or unexpectedly finding documents and personal effects of their loved one that will be needed. The difficulty they will encounter when it comes to banking or investment accounts, insurance claims, social security claims, utilities, selling vehicles or personal property, without the proper paperwork in hand or passwords and logins to access information.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are often the times when the entire family comes together. If we only had the proverbial crystal ball to know who wouldn't be sitting around the table next Thanksgiving or Christmas, we would probably do things differently this year. We would put grudges behind. We would love each other unconditionally. We would give more hugs and kisses. We would likely be kinder to one another.

I would hope, as a family, we would also have those deeper conversations around what people's wishes are for when death draws near. How can we best help! What is important at that stage of their lives. We would lay the groundwork for where important documents are kept, what keepsakes are important and why, and how people will move forward after their family member is no longer with them.

For many though, we let these opportunities pass. The rare opportunities where families are finally all together, where we can all hear the same conversation, where we can be on the same page – are lost.
Who wants to talk about death when we are all having fun! We are afraid to bring the topic up.

If not now when we are all able to have the conversation, then when? In the ICU unit? At the funeral home? When we are all grief-stricken and can't think clearly? When our emotions are raw and our patience thin? These are not scenario's when the conversations need to happen but yet I see it happen over and over again.

Obviously, it is not the topic of conversation around the dinner table. Find the time, take the moment, to begin the discussion as you are sitting around before or after the meal. Everything doesn't need to be decided at that very moment but the door has been opened to have deeper conversations as you move forward. Start by saying what your own wishes are and then ask, “what would you want?”

It really doesn't matter if you are 30 or 80 years old. Make your wishes known. Organize your personal information/files so that your representative or loved one will not have to spend weeks/months trying to figure out what to do or who to contact. What a beautiful and thoughtful gift this will be for your loved ones.

When the Time Comes, a comprehensive organizer for when a medical crisis or death occurs is available for purchase on my website www.whenthetimecomes.shop or message me on Facebook.

Don't let another year pass. Begin the conversation today!

Do you need an easy-to-follow guide to help you get organized? Everything necessary in one comprehensive organizer! When The Time Comes saves you and/or your loved ones or representative, months of work when closing an estate. When The Time Comes is a comprehensive organizer that addresses the follo...

02/08/2024

If you are the parent or guardian of an 18 year old, please read this article.

New Information!!

In my June article I wrote about the importance of your 18 year old needing a Power of Attorney and Healthcare Proxy regardless if they live at home, are in college, or live independently. The article generated quite a few questions. Generally, these documents are created by an attorney but there is an alternative available to create Advanced Directives and name a Healthcare Representative without seeing an attorney.

As stated in my last article, once your child turns 18 years of age, you no longer have the legal right to inquire about their medical care, make healthcare decisions on their behalf, or have access to their medical records. At the age of 18 years, the law sees them as adults and physicians and medical centers are bound by HIPPA laws. The same will hold true for their finances!

My first recommendation will always be that you seek the advice of an attorney when creating a Will, POA or Healthcare Proxy paperwork. The advice they provide will be thorough and beneficial. If this is not possible, I want to share an alternative for at least the Advanced Care Planning and Healthcare Proxy.

Prepare For Your Care (www.prepareforyourcare.org) is a legal document that can be downloaded and completed by your 18 year old (or anyone over the age of 18). Every U.S. State has its own advanced directive law. Some States accept other States' advanced directives but a few do not so I recommend a quick search of your State's website to understand what is accepted in your State. The State I reside in, Indiana, does recognize Prepare For Your Care.

Prepare For Your Care does not require an attorney to prepare and will be valid as long as you follow the signing instructions at the end of the document. Ideally, the entire form should be completed, but at minimum, complete the section that assigns a Healthcare Representative who has the authority to speak on your young adults behalf if they are not able to do so. It's important to remember that this form is completed and signed by your child and not signed by you as their parent.

Don't put this off another day! And while you're at it, download a form for yourself if you do not have Advanced Care Directives completed.

Have questions about Advanced Care Planning? Send your questions to: [email protected]

08/06/2024

Did you know that your 18 year old needs a Power of Attorney and Healthcare Proxy??

Many parents are getting ready to send their kids (now considered adults) off to college or out into the world to work. Once your child turns 18 years of age, you no longer have the legal right to ask about their medical care, make healthcare decisions on their behalf, or have access to their medical records.

How can that be? They are our kids! We are paying for their college! They still come back home to live during the summer and school breaks! They are still covered on our health insurance! They are not mature enough to make those decisions! It doesn't matter because the law sees them as adults when they turn 18. The same holds true for finances.

Under privacy laws, parents no longer have the right to make medical or financial decisions on behalf of the teens or young adults once they turn 18.

It is important to seek out the advice of an attorney once they are 18 years old to have a Durable Power of Attorney with a Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPPA) clause added, and a Healthcare Proxy created. These documents will allow you to conduct financial matters on their behalf, have access to medical records and information, and most importantly, the ability to make healthcare decisions on their behalf if they become incapacitated due to an accident or medical emergency.

It doesn't matter if your little bundle of joy is going to school across town or 1,000 miles away. At the age of 18, these young people, even though they may not be able to cook their own meals, do their own laundry, or clean up their own rooms at home, are considered adults and parents/guardians no longer have legal access to financial or healthcare decisions on their behalf.

Can you imagine having your child be in an accident and then not being able to have access to their medical care. The emergency room cannot share their status. Physicians hands are tied due to HIPPA.

Don't wait for this to happen! Schedule an appointment with an attorney now and have these documents created before they head off to college. And remember, even if they are not going to college, you will still not be able to speak on their behalf or receive information regarding them without the proper legal documents in place.

29/05/2024

Recently, I gave a presentation to a fairly large group of individuals regarding the importance of being prepared for a medical crisis or death BEFORE something happens. I generally begin my presentations by asking my audience two questions. How many of you have ever been responsible for working through an estate after someone has died? How many of you have ever been the primary caregiver for someone who could no longer make decisions for themselves?

After the few people who raise their hands, I tell them that they will be the ones who already understand the importance of having the information we are going to talk about in place before something arises. Heads begin nodding. For others in the audience, most have no understanding of the enormity of the task that lies ahead in these scenario's, if they are not prepared.

Throughout the presentation, I could see heads continue to nod from the people who have “been there-done that” as I would point out specific areas of concern and the challenges they will likely encounter if the information is not prepared ahead of time. The group I spoke to that day happen to be mostly professional business people in their 30's, 40's and 50's. Somewhere, in the back of their minds, they know this is important, but just keep placing it on the back-burner to do another day. To do down the road. To do when they are older.

After my presentations, I always have a few folks who come up and say things like, “My mother just died and we have no clue where to begin.” “My friend just died unexpectedly in a car accident.” “My grandfather has dementia and grandma doesn't know how to take care of any of their financial affairs.”
“My sister has terminal cancer and two small children at home.” These types of events happen each and every day to hundreds of people.

Yet, so many people wait to prepare because they don't think anything is going to happen to them or that they are too young to worry about the process. When something unexpected does happen, regardless of age, I generally will hear, “I wish we would have been better prepared!” “I wish we would have had the conversation around their wishes.” “I don't know where to begin.” “I never realized how much work goes into taking care of the process after someone has died.”

All of this can be avoided by committing a few hours a week to having the pertinent conversations with loved ones or representatives, pulling together important papers, creating the legal documents that will be needed, and verifying your affairs are in order.

When The Time Comes, makes the process much easier by addressing all areas of information that will be needed. No guessing around what might be important. It is all there for you in an easy to read, fill-in-the-blank format. You will not complete the organizer in a weekend, but if you commit to the process, and take an hour or two a day, you should be able to complete the organizer in a few weeks.

Once completed and you share the information with your loved ones or representative, you will have given them a gift that will leave a legacy. Being prepared for a medical crisis or our eventual death, will take months off the work load your loved ones will encounter ...when the time comes!

Read more articles by the author on www.whenthetimecomes.shop. Organizers are available through the website or in the following local stores in Evansville: Blue Stocking Social Bookstore; My Brother's Bookstore; Tracy's on Franklin; It Can Be Arranged in Darmstadt.

26/03/2024

Having the Discussion Around Advanced Care Planning
Part Two

As we continue the story from last weeks post: After our initial in depth discussion around the topic of advanced care planning as described in part one, the family spent additional time thinking through what was discussed in our first meeting and what their mother's wishes were. They consulted with the family physician who, after additional conversation to confirm the mother understood the scope of what she was requesting, signed the POST (Physician Orders For Scope of Treatment) and Out of Hospital Do Not Resuscitate Declaration and Order.

In addition, they met with an attorney to update the Will, Powers of Attorney, and Healthcare Representative paperwork. Once completed, they began to gather pertinent paperwork in the home that would be needed – when the time comes.

Once they felt they had made the decisions that were right for the mother regarding end of life wishes and had the appropriate legal documents completed, they asked that I return to help facilitate a conversation with the remaining family members. This is a vital step when creating advanced care directives.

The mother, her designated Healthcare Representatives, and the Executor of her Will were present along with the remaining family members. I truly appreciated how the mother set the tone for this discussion.

As each family member took a seat, the mother provided a notepad and pen for each person. She asked that they allow her to talk through her decisions uninterrupted and if they had questions to please write them down and we would answer all questions after she was finished. The mother went on to explain that the decisions were not made lightly and assured them nothing was wrong with her at this time other than advanced age.

As she spoke, she would give her rationale as to why she had made certain decisions based on personal experience, her desire to go peacefully, and her conversation with the physician. Several times, family members would want to speak but she would ask them to write it down and to allow her to keep going.

Of course, as you would expect, lively discussion happened once the mother finished. Some agreed, some opposed. The mother, the Healthcare Representatives and Executor, and myself were able to answer questions and clarify any misconceptions relating to care, legalities, and personal preferences. The beauty is, the mother had the opportunity to share her own wishes, in her own words in front of all of her children.

In the end, IF the family is faced with making difficult end of life decisions, they will know they are following what the mother wanted. So often, these decisions have to be made on-the-spot with no time to think through what the mother would have truly wanted. There is nothing worse for medical personnel than to have to referee squabbles between family members in ER or ICU when no discussion has ever taken place before the time of the crisis.

Family members DO NOT have to all agree. The important factor is, they have all heard directly from the mother, what SHE wants, and the Healthcare Representative and Executor are in place to make sure her wishes are followed. The mother did not make these decisions lightly. She consulted with her physician, attorney and other support services, and then spent personal time understanding all of her options. She made informed decisions. This was the ideal way to work through this process. What more could a family hope for.

I have said this time and time again, being prepared by having all pertinent information organized and addressing advanced care planning decisions before a crisis happens, is the most loving gifts you can leave to your family. It may truly be the last act of love you will give them – when the time comes!

If you are interested in a private consultation regarding Advanced Care Planning, reach out to me via my website www.whenthetimecomes.shop or PM through Facebook.

19/03/2024

Having the Discussion Around Advanced Care Planning
Part One

I had the honor of meeting with a family recently to help them navigate the process of getting Advanced Directives and other information in order.

The 90+ year old matriarch wanted her family to be a part of this process and to understand what her wishes were regarding end of life care. We first met with her Healthcare Representatives and Executor to work through the Advanced Directives. The conversation centered around topics such as:
-Given her age and physical abilities, what does she consider to be an ideal day? This will look different for every individual but the point of the question is to determine what 'living well' means to the individual.
-We had discussion of her current medical conditions and the likely outcomes.
-Additional discussion centered around topics of resuscitation: CPR, artificial ventilation. This is always an interesting topic because so many people believe CPR works all or most of the time. The fact is, for older adults who have other illnesses or frailties, out of hospital CPR will be successful, on average, 2% of the time. CPR often leaves patients with fractured ribs, and if not performed soon enough, mental decline due to lack of oxygenation. This is always a great discussion to have with your personal physician before deciding to have or to decline CPR.
-Then we were able to pose potential scenario's happening to her health and what her wishes would be if they occurred. Such as: a sudden event that left her with little chance of survival, as determined by medical personnel, or returning to her current state of health (ex: stroke/accident/traumatic brain injury). Would she want life sustaining care such as ventilator? Supplemental nutrition aid? Comfort and pain measures only? Regarding dementia care: in the event you no longer recognize or have the ability to communicate with family, could no longer care for yourself (ex: bathing, toileting, eating), where would you like to reside? Long term care facility? Home with assistance? Memory Care Center?
-Further discussion centered around the POST form (Physician Orders For Scope of Treatment). This form must be signed by the patient (or legal representative) and the treating physician. The information pertains to:
- CPR wishes;
-Medical Interventions: Comfort Measures (allow natural death); Limited Additional Interventions (stabilization of medical condition, Basic airway management, Hydration, Avoid ICU if possible); and Full Intervention which includes full life support measure of intubation, mechanical ventilation, etc.;
-Antibiotics use only if comfort cannot be achieved fully through other means, or as routine treatment;
-Artificially Administered Nutrition orally if feasible; no artificial nutrition, for a defined trial period by tube or long-term artificial nutrition. These are not light decisions and should always be discussed at length with your family physician.

In addition to discussing the POST form, we also discussed the Out of Hospital Do Not Resuscitate Declaration and Order. Again, this form must be signed by the individual, witnessed and also signed by the physician. In simple terms, this form declares that the physician agrees that if the person experiences cardiac or pulmonary failure, resuscitation would be unsuccessful or within a short period would experience repeated cardiac or pulmonary failure resulting in death. This gives EMS (emergency medical services) permission to not start CPR or other life-saving endeavors if the person is not in an acute care medical facility.

No paperwork was filled out or signed during this initial meeting. Lots of information was shared, discussed, and left for further exploration with the primary care physician. The individual, Healthcare Representatives, and Executor now have a period of time to think through their decisions before filling out the Advance Care Directives.

More to come in Part Two!

07/03/2024

I read an article recently where a person was seeking advice as to what he needs to do to be prepared for when his father died. Not sure if the father was nearing the end of his life due to a medical situation or old age, but that doesn't really matter.

The columnist, who this person wrote to, gave the same advice that I hear people talk about everyday. “Make sure you have the Will, Power of Attorney and Healthcare Representatives completed with an attorney.” That's it! Done!

As I have said time and time again, that is great advice, but it is only the tip of the iceberg. Again, as important as these documents are, it is just the beginning of what needs to be done. What takes families/representatives so long to wade through (on average 12-18 months) after the death of a loved one, is what the vast majority of people overlook and unfortunately, what many attorneys, CPA's, financial advisors, etc. tend to overlook as well.

Personally, I believe everyone who is over the age of 18 years old should have a designated Healthcare Representative and/or a Healthcare/Financial Power of Attorney . I also believe that anyone who has children should have a Will created. This has nothing to do with the amount of money a person has. If a 30 year old has a child, has life insurance, bank accounts, etc., what happens if the parent or parents die in an accident. Accident and unintentional injury are the leading causes of death for people under the age of 50 years. Who takes the child? Who oversees the life insurance benefits on behalf of the child? Who administers the estate on behalf of the child? If these are not designated through a Will, the court system ultimately makes the decision. Will they make the best decision on behalf of your child?

Whether you are caring for an ailing grandparent, parent, spouse or friend, ask yourself these questions:
Do I know the details of their finances such as banking, investments, stocks, accounting, bill paying, money kept elsewhere?
Do I know the details of their insurance benefits such as life, accident, annuities, beneficiaries, medical, homeowners, vehicles, dental, vision, pharmacy, agents?
Do I know the details regarding important documents relating to military service, deeds, titles, funeral plans, business contracts, social security, loans/debts, real estate?
Do I know the details relating to their online presence such as logins, passwords, security questions, online accounts and services, devices used, cell phones, bill pay, memberships, loyalty programs, social media sites, shopping,Venmo/Pay Pal, etc.?
Do I know the details of their medical information such as physicians/specialist, pharmacy, dentist, past and current medical issues and family medical history, hospital preference, long term care preference, end of life wishes, etc.?
Do I know how they want their personal property distributed, what to do with pets, vehicles, charitable donations?

This is why I say that the Will, Power of Attorney, and Healthcare Representative, albeit extremely important, are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to being prepared for a medical crisis or death.

When The Time Comes covers all of these areas and more. There are sections to record all the information in a fill-in-the-blank format and space to store important documents. Don't wait until you are in the midst of a crisis to compile this information.

I am available for presentations live or via Zoom and also offer free consultations if you have questions. Contact me through Facebook or email: [email protected]" rel="ugc" target="_blank">[email protected] or visit my website www.whenthetimecomes.shop for additional articles and to order my organizer.

06/02/2024

Reposting something that popped up in my feed today

ABc 25 Local Lifestyles When the Time Comes - Carol Havens

31/12/2023

Happy New Year! I truly do wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year and that 2024 brings much joy and happiness into your lives. I am also acutely aware, that for many of my friends, family, and acquaintances, 2023 has been filled with tragedy, heartache, and unimaginable loss.

This year in particular, I am aware of so many young adults in the prime of their lives who have died suddenly, as a result of a vehicular accident, su***de or unexpected medical situations. Such tragedies that have left spouses, children and parents reeling in disbelief and trying to figure out how to move forward without their loved one. One's age does not make one immune from a medical crisis, accident or death.

For those of you who have already purchased my organizer, When The Time Come, now is the time to pull out your organizer and update the information as we begin the new year. Think back over 2023 and ask yourself what has changed in the past year.

Did you cancel an old credit card or get a new card? Create a Venmo account?
Did you change: Banks? Financial advisors? Accountants? Insurance? Jobs? Physicians?
Did you purchase or sell: Home? Car? Vacation property? Boat?
Have there been deaths in your family? Births? Adoptions?
Has your medical history changed?

By going back through your organizer, section by section, you will be able to easily make the changes to keep your information updated. I encourage everyone to do this each and every year on January 1st.

For those of you reading this article who have not purchased my organizer, if you do nothing else in January, please start the process of organizing the information your loved ones/representatives will need in the event a medical crisis or death knocks on your door. My organizer, When The Time Comes, is a ready-made, fill-in-the-blank binder that covers all the information your family/representative will need in the event something happens to you. The organizer truly takes the guesswork out of what information needs to be pulled together and gives you one binder to maintain the information. The information will save your loved ones/representatives from making hasty and stressful decisions on your behalf and save them months of work when administering your estate. It may be the last loving gesture you share with your family.

The organizer covers: General Information, Contacts, Military History, Banking, Broker/Investments, Insurance, Legal, Accounting, Real Estate, Social Security, Credit Cards, Digital Assets, Loans/Debts, Other Assets, Home/Vehicle, Pets, Medical, End of Life Questionnaire, Personal Property Distribution, and the last section, When Death Occurs. When Death Occurs walks individuals through the initial steps to take and what information is needed immediately following a death.

More information is available on my website: www.whenthetimecomes.shop.

One final note: if you have not done so already, contact an attorney to create a Will, Power of Attorney and Healthcare Representative. Don't put this off any longer. Everyone over the age of 18 years old should have a designated Healthcare Representative. If you are married and have children, it is imperative to have a Will created to name those who will care for your children, who will manage your estate, and who will be responsible to manage the funds from your estate.

If you would like a free consultation with me, send a message through my website or email me at [email protected]

21/12/2023

Over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house we go....this old song reminds me of less hectic times when families would often gather at Grandma's house (and Grandpa's too) to celebrate the holidays. The adult siblings, their spouses and youngsters in tow, would all meet up each year at Grandma's house for Christmas dinner. You can almost visualize the Norman Rockwell type setting.

Okay, so I know I just really dated myself and many of you have no idea who Norman Rockwell is or have never heard the song I mentioned. But for many who are reading this post, it will conjure up simpler times when the holidays were not so commercialized and our lives were not so hectic.

Nowadays, we find ourselves running from store to store or ordering online, to find the must-have, latest and greatest, new gadgets or toys. Often, we are stretched so thin by trying to get here and there to visit all the relatives and share the kids between blended families that, by the time the holidays are over, we are exhausted!

In each of my posts regarding my organizer, When The Time Comes, I try to give advice or action steps you can take to make things easier on your loved ones when a medical crisis or death happens. In this post, I just want to say, “appreciate those who are sitting around the table with you this year.” Look at each and everyone one of them and appreciate, quirks and all, how they have touched your life in some way.

Don't lose the opportunity to express or acknowledge their place in your life directly to them. These words will likely have much more meaning to them and will last much longer, than that Chia Pet head or box of candy you bought them because you couldn't think of anything else!

I know for the families I have consulted with this year, and the many years throughout my career, most wish they could have just one more day to share those thoughts. One more dinner to share, one more holiday to celebrate, one more moment to express to their friend or loved one how their life impacted them.

Don't lose this opportunity when you are surrounded by your friends and loved ones this holiday season! Don't say it at the casket – say it at the table!

May this holiday season bring joy and blessings to each and everyone of you!