10/05/2023
Maybe I lied when I said I'm alright. Maybe I couldn't really admit to myself that I am not okay all along. I may look so strong and brave from the outside, but deep inside I still feel so hurt and lonely. The truth is, I never really know how to be okay. There are times where I feel like the pain in my chest is aching terribly. Sometimes, I feel like I'm losing myself and I never really know how to start loving myself again. I just hate that I feel this way and I hate myself a lot for being me.
There are some moments where I fall into pieces when I realize how unhappy I am. I know for sure that this is not the life that I ever wanted. But it makes me sad how I end up feeling so down by just simply existing. Sometimes, the worst feeling is when you badly want to be okay but the world doesn't let you have your happiness and peace of mind. You see, all I ever want is to be okay— but I always end up forcing myself to smile even with tears in my eyes. I end up mourning at night with a heavy heart.