rayyanmonkey (2024)

07/10/2022

matters TW: Let me tell you my own lived experience for context. I knew as a pre-pubescent child that I was genderq***r and wanted to explore this further.

At that young age there was absolutely no representation of Gender Q***r folks - living in Dubai, UAE.

The representation I did have was overtly negative. From my family, the culture, the religion, the school and most importantly films.

One such example is the film Ace Ventura pet detective played by that gets covered in the with a deeply transphobic scene.

All of this collective representation taught me that trans folks are supposedly evil sinning abominations that should not exist. So much so that I internalised massive transphobia to the point where I entirely blocked out for the next 15 years of my life the fact that I even then was gender q***r identifying.

"Representation can help in reducing negative stereotypes about other groups. Discussed by psychologist Dr. Gordon Allport as Intergroup Contact Theory, researchers believe that the more exposure or contact that people had to groups who were different from them, the less likely they would maintain prejudice.
Literature has supported how positive LGBTQ media representation helped transform public opinions about LGBTQ people and their rights. The Pew Research Center reported that the american population significantly changed their views of same-sex marriage in just 15 years.

While there are many other factors that likely influenced these perspective shifts, studies suggest that positive LGBTQ media depictions played a significant role.

Many leaders of minority or opressed groups, cite how a lack of media representation negatively impacts their self-esteem and overall views of their racial or cultural groups. Scholars and community leaders have declared mottos like how it's "hard to be what you can’t see," asserting that people from marginalized groups do not pursue career or academic opportunities when they are not exposed to such possibilities.

Kevin Leo Yabut Nadal, Ph.D.

07/10/2022

just announced that she is going to be playing
in a upcoming biopic named Taali. Shreegauri Sawant is a transgender activist.

The post has garnered a lot of attention and press. Including a whole lot of engagments. Among the comments, you shall find several comments by q***r icons, q***r folks and allies. Some explain in long notes, and others are understandably annoyed, leaving short and quick comments. Most frustrated because like put it "what's the point of all the sensitization work done already"

While so many folks have left amazing comments there, and also has done an incredible compilation content of the comments left there. Honestly the comments supporting or congratulating or hyping her are the vast majority. y.

While so many folks have left amazing comments there, and also has done incredible compilation of the comments left there.

But in all honestly, the comments supporting or congratulating or hyping the announcement are the vast majority.

A reflection of our voice in society really, this micro cosmos of the comments. Comments supporting her, excited for the new heights she will reach. One comment telling her to screen it at a film festival in Canada, because we know how festivals love using our stories.

Just like in society and life we are a minority and our voices often drowned out. So it is in this comments section.

This time it seems our voices are being drowned out in the first biopic celebrating our very voices itself.

So I sat through the night and wrote my thoughts to her in this content. With a discomforting certainity that my voice will be lost.

The post has garnered a lot of attention and press. Including a whole lot of engagements. ctivist.

03/10/2022

Just a jubilant trans girl in a white dress and pink heels! I actually intentionally put this look together 🙈 this weekend we were celebrating 7 years of ! And so and I went to in Mumbai.

My wardrobe today is more than 95% gifts and hand me downs! And tbh no way I would get by in life, my fashion access and career without all these gifts and people supporting me!

What's different about this look is I purchased (almost) all that I'm wearing! I bought the neckpiece from in Nagaland in 2019 , the white dress I bought from along with the pink heels this year!

The watch on my wrist is gifted and the bag had been gifted by

📸 By
1st October 2022

27/09/2022

As someone who 'came out' only last year, I have definitely been on an "identity journey" as cliche as that is. A whole lot of this has to do with living in such a predominantly cisgender and heteronormative world.

A world and society that had me convinced that neither they nor their culture shall ever affirm my identity as a transgender identifying person. As I went through my own lockdown-induced coming out beginning with , then with Jules from and everyone on followed by everyone else on youtube. And then finally the mainstream q***r representation in India, whatever little there is. (Mostly fair skin, upper caste, upper class, Brahamanical) - I had yet not lived any of the q***r 'culture' or been a part of the community.

So for me finally getting the chance after 30 years to be me - to be trans - to be q***r. Is understandably: EVERYTHING

To me the fact that I was able to find acceptance, affirmation and amazing friends is worth infinity. It's worth infinity because it was the most affirming validation of my q***r and trans identity yet.

I had already come out to the people that matter to me the most. I did so over six months or so. Culminating with me coming out to my origin family.

At this time, I was no longer in contact with a lot of folks. Especially the ones who tend to tie you to your earlier lived culture. My first Ramadan and Eid passed by without me observing any of it. I did definetly feel a sense of loss and the need to find belonging.

As mentioned by Laur in the content shared, "It helps to feel connected to a community through cultural signifiers" especially when there is exclusion and selusion.

I enjoy dancing, I enjoy partying and I enjoy drag.
In conclusion, tbh, I am still too much of a young q***r to be tired of the mainstream q***r culture we have access to. BUT NGL there are aspects of the culture I am around physically that I do not connect to. For the longest time this disconnection sent me down so many of the spirals I have been before. That start with thoughts like "am I really q***r".

I am learning, and don't let myself feel guilty or sore over this thought anymore.

***r

29/11/2021

Unconditional love, simply put, is love without strings attached. It’s love that is offered freely. Have you ever experienced a love like that?

You don’t base it on what someone does for you in return. You simply love them and want nothing more than their happiness. Maybe it brings to mind the love your parents have for you or the love you have for your own child.

It is most often associated with the love that parents give their children. Unconditional love can provide a sense of security in both childhood and adulthood. Feeling confident in someone’s love and knowing it won’t go away can help create secure attachments and foster autonomy, independence, and self-worth.

If you know your parents will continue to love you even after you make mistakes or do things they don’t approve of — from failing a class to having a drink at a party when you’re underage — you’ll feel more comfortable making your own choices and learning from them as you go. It's a much healthier way to learn and grow.

But what happens when you are already aware as a child, that some conditions exist. That there might actually be some things that you can't explore for yourself or come to terms with for fear of losing out that love. That a large driver for how you are living your life today - is literally because those that you assumed loved you unconditionally also care about Log Kya Kahenge?

Original words by for
Rephrased and edited by me.

26/11/2021

Introspection. That is why I made this post and am putting it out here. It took me about two hours on today to put this post together. I went through the mentioned Facebook group and content. For two hours, all my mind did while on the laptop was go through this part of my life. Things I had written, wondering why I had written them. Thought back to that time in my life.

I remember being intensely in love with my partner at the time. And how incredibly intensively we fought about it. I thought about what it must have been like for her to be in that relationship with me. I am sure I was being mad toxic, I was fighting them on their choice of book! And so effing misogynistic-ally. I am so sorry for that phase and what I put her through.

Working on this story has been like a form of therapy, I have not gotten any conclusive thoughts/ statements as to why the hell I spent so much of my time, emotions and energy on this. Obsessing over it as much as the did back then TBH!

I am not looking for any one thing to be the cause. I am starting to feel like this need to find one thing that explains a lot is quite problematic. It makes us very simplistic beings, who want to solve problems like they are math equations. This plus this is equal to this.

I think usually for us human being this equation sounds true:
"Sum total of all experiences experienced before this moment" = You at this moment

Experiences like this also reinforce that I am not how I use to be and will not always be how I am today. None of us are at any point the sum total of who we will forever be. We are all capable of intense growth and change and evolution.

But we all owe it to each other to afford each other the opportunity to grow and evolve when we can manage to do so.

But since we love umbrella terms, the umbrella term for the root cause of this behavior in me. That is the obsessive nature, the hate, the language and the misogyny. All stem from one umbrella phrase.

"Living in a Patriarchal cis-heteronormative world"

***r

rayyanmonkey

07/10/2022

07/10/2022

03/10/2022

27/09/2022

29/11/2021

26/11/2021

Address

Website

Alerts

Shortcuts

Share