30/01/2024
HEY GOD ARE YOU LISTENING! Part 3
Turning on her car's engine, she drove slowly out of the parking lot, still shaken from the argument with her mother. A never-ending stream of tears blinded her vision. Her mind raced through her childhood. She had experienced a lot of trauma to last her a life time. In elementary school, Linda was always apprehensive about Father's Day and parents' evenings. She had been humiliated by her classmates and teachers on numerous occasions. On one occasion, when everyone made a card for Father's Day, the teacher asked her to make a card for her mother instead. She recalled the children laughing at her. Even at that age, she wished she hadn't been born.
At the end of Elementary School, her school organised a farewell party for the pupils. She watched as her friends were congratulated by their parents. Despite winning the prize for outstanding performance in mathematics and science, she stood alone, no parent or family member to cheer her up. That morning, Daniel had a high temperature and difficulty breathing like other times, so her mother had to take him to the hospital leaving Linda in the care of a neighbor.
She wiped off her tears with the back of her hand and took a deep breath. She couldn't help but think about all the times she missed having a connection with her father. Middle school was not always the best time for her either. Her friends always talked about how amazing their dads were, and it made her ache for the relationship she never had.
The burden she felt as she drove through the busy streets made her longed for a shoulder to lean on. Rather than go home, she decided to drive around town to see if this weird feeling would go away. Moments later she heard a voice, turned but saw no one. The voice got louder with every clock tick. It said to her in a strange voice.
End it, life isn't worth living!
No one understands your pain.
You were abandoned by your father at an early age.
Your mum? She doesn't care about you.
No one does either
It's not worth being around here any longer.
Step on the accelerator!
Take your hands off the wheel, it would be a fast and painless death.
Nobody cares.
Linda was alone in her car. The voice she heard came from her.
She increased the car radio volume, hoping to drown out the voice in her voice. She couldn't make sense of the conflicting emotions raging inside her. On the one hand, she felt a deep longing for a father's love and attention, while on the other, she was consumed by an overwhelming sense of pain and loneliness, feelings of anger and bitterness towards her father. Further feelings of worthlessness and a desire to escape the pains she had experienced all her life. The weight of her circumstances seemed too heavy to bear, and she felt consumed by the idea that no one understood her pain.
Linda sweated profusely despite the cold winter weather. Due to her poor vision, she struggled to focus and parked the car on the roadside. As oncoming vehicles approached, she turned on her hazard lights, to prevent anyone from running into her.
"No, no I don't want to die.
Not now, I am not ready yet. She screamed. Her body was still shaking and sweating after the strange encounter.
She picked up her phone to call her childhood friend but the battery had run out. Everything seems to be in the wrong at that evening.
She braced herself up, started the engine and drove off again.
As she drove past a shopping mall, she decided to stop for some groceries. She hadn't eaten all day. She eagerly anticipated eating the basmati rice and sumptuous vegetable sauce garnished with assorted smoked fish her mother had prepared for dinner. Despite her difficult circumstances, she found comfort in enjoying her mother's meal. She felt comforted eating these meals. Sadly, the evening turned sour.
The event of that evening was significant, a turning point in Linda's life. In the same way as her mother, she hoped and believed that her father would come back one day and be reunited with his family. This hope had now been dashed to the ground. Her desire for comfort and belonging had been met with disappointment and a harsh reality. It further reinforced her feelings of isolation and the idea that no one truly understands her pain.
After driving into the parking lot of the shopping center, she walked into one of the stores. She grabbed a few items from the shop, and as she walked out, a familiar voice called her name.
"Hi Linda. So glad to see you again." A voice called out.
She froze on her feet when she heard the voice. She recognized the voice. Her groceries fell off her hand and rolled all over the floor in that shock. Her mouth dropped open as she stared speechless at the person in front of her.
Watch out for part 4