15/02/2025
On this day 6 years ago I was diagnosed with advanced cancer in my bowel, it was absolutely everywhere in my pelvis, growing into reproductive organs, my spine, pelvic organs, pelvis bone, even through the wall of my va**na. I was desperately ill. The cancer was so far from being operable they didnāt think Iād get to an operable point but hoped to shrink it as much as possible to give me more time. The journey ahead was to take years of my life.
Iām not going to recap my story, you know it well, what I want to say is that, despite much of my journey feeling a bit like a horror film, I feel so lucky to still be here. Most of my original stage 4 buddies are no longer here, many of my pelvic exent friends are also no longer here, they all deserve to be. You see, even with the same stage or type of cancer, not everyone gets the same options and chances. Itās taught me that even if your options feel hard, grab them. These options are what some others are praying for.
The last 6 years have changed me as a person. Iāve learned so many lessons, got to know myself and what matters to me, felt completely lost (still do sometimes). Iāve felt brave, Iāve been frightened, I felt myself leaving my body, I learned to walk again, I felt myself get stronger. Iāve experienced loss, and grief, felt as bad about myself as itās possible to feel, learned to accept things, learned how to feel good about myself again (thatās always a work in progress right?).
Iāve been lucky to have the most amazing people caring for me and cheering me on.
Today was the diagnosis day, it changed my world forever.
Iām not doing anything special today, I had some wisdom teeth taken out yesterday and whatās left of my insides arenāt working well, so just a day of quiet reflection. My heart fills filled to bursting with love and gratitude and alllll the emotions. Iāve had a wee cry, remembered those Iāve loved and lost over the last 6 years. Iām thinking of my sweet Dad and how Iām forever grateful to my surgeons for saving my life, it meant I got to be here to care for him until the very end, if that alone was the reason I lived then it was worth it.
All my love to you all. ā„ļø