01/09/2021
Dear mama, yes, your favorite holidays approach us once again, and it’s hard for me to make it through without you, my mama, my friend.
Every bright light I pass in the night, is not quite right, without your smile nowhere in sight.
The thought of you rides in my soul, like I’m on a lonely highway to nowhere all the time, because I think of you completely in my world and it consumes my mind.
I can’t lie mama, sometimes at night I try to forget how much I miss you, because I find it difficult to sleep and because my heart burns and hurts that deep..
I tell people often, losing one that has passed,
will get easier as time goes past, but in truth I have no idea how long this heart ache will last.
I have no idea how my pretty flower is doing, but I know you have a smile brightening up the spot! We are suffering without you, so don’t ever think we forgot.
You knew I was the one that loved you without boundaries. as your eldest son, because I watched you grow more than anyone else could.
I’m the one that watched you stay, when I knew, it would have been easier had you decided to turn and run.
I became your bridge over troubled water on rainy days.
Although you didn’t pass out many hugs, you held me to a higher standard in so many other ways..
It was my shoulders drenched in your tears, while life danced by in our music. "Son, mommies’ so tired." You would say to my 6 year body.. And before you'd sleep i'd make you an hot toddy.
From 5 to 50, I wiped your tears away, from t-shirts to corporate shirts and ties I wiped the tears from your soul.
Now it’s my turn to cry because I can no longer look in mamma's eyes.
I wake up in sweats dreaming you were still here, and dying a little more each day, because I wanted more time to tell you how much I loved you, and I know you had so much more to say. Now I’m barely getting by without my friend, my, mamma.
All I can do now is hope that one day, I’ll be able to grab you in my arms, and you will say what you used to say to me.
“You my hero old man, now dance with yo mamma!”
